Snapshots #387: Fifteen + - x ÷ Sum Songs

Put your clothes on, Carol - we need your help with the complex musical equations below... specially compiled for any Maths teachers in the audience.

15. See #3 for a red hot clue.

#3 is Jason, and also includes the word "scorcher". Could I be more helpful?

Jason & The Scorchers - 2+1 = Nothing

14. Watson, Carter or Dolittle?

Dr. John Watson, Dr, John Carter (E.R.) or Dr. John Dolittle?

Dr. John - Me - You = Loneliness 

13. Before he took to hunting werewolves, he was part of a different network.

Before Bob got his Silver Bullet, he had a System.

The Bob Seger System - 2+2=?

12. Very super: electric alternative, actually. Please!

Every word is the title of a different album by the...

Pet Shop Boys - Two Divided By Zero

11. Number 3 was one... and even LA gets confusing sometimes.

#3 played Scott in Neighbours. "Even LA" was an anagram.

Scott Lavene - U + Me = Everything

10. Useful in a list, when going in and out.

The comma... doors.

Commodores - Three Times A Lady

9. A Rock, in the reading room.

Mr. Rock Hudson, in his library.

Mr Hudson & The Library - 2x2

8. Just a campanologist.

Just William, the bell ringer.

William Bell - One Plus One

7. Found in the zoo tiger enclosure... Springfield's early days.

Rick Springfield's early band, found in the ZOO Tiger enclosure.

Zoot - 1 x 2 x 3 x 4

6. Look out, guys! Adele's running after you!

Adele, of course, is famous for Chasing Pavements...

Pavement 5-4 = Unity

5. Are you going to Fleetwood, Skeeter?

Fleetwood Mac + Skeeter Davis...

Mac Davis - Two Plus Two

4. Don't make her... You wouldn't like her when she's... 

Fans of the old Incredible Hulk TV show will recall that Bill Bixby frequently told investigative reporter Jack McGee: "Mr. McGee, don't make me Ann Lee... you wouldn't like me when I'm Ann Lee."

Ann Lee - Two Times

I will confess that I had never heard of Ann Lee before compiling this list. However, I was short on ladies this week and Ann did get to #2 in the charts in 1999 with the two times tune above.

3. That sunshine's a scorcher, Superman.

Donovan sang about a Sunshine Superman. Jason, as seen above (at #15, if not in the photo) was a Scorcher.

Jason Donovan - Nothing Can Divide Us

Another one of those Jason Donovan songs that me and my mate Richard used to sing along to on the school bus when we were 16. Richard was a big fan of the Pet Shop Boys and The Smiths. I liked Springsteen and Huey Lewis. We would have told you we were just being ironic. But were we really?

2. Living in Portugal, DuBois.

Our resident Maths teacher lives in Portugal. Benson Dubois.

George Benson - Love X Love

1. Bad crash: Cher and Odie unhurt!

"Cher and Odie unhurt" was a car crash of an anagram...

Haircut 100 - Love Plus One

Where do we go from here? Is it down to the lake, I fear?

Well, wherever you go, make sure you're back in time for more Snapshots next Saturday.

My Top 24 of 2024 (#15 - 13)

Here are some more records from this year which I found to be a good distraction from the hollow futility of existence...

15. Scott Lavene - Disneyland In Dagenham

I'm not sure if it was George (in his tribute to Fray Bentos) or John Medd who first tipped me off to the work of Scott Lavene, but then I was fortunate enough to see him play live earlier this year, in support of Craig Finn. Since then, I've spent rather a lot of time listening to his latest album, which is all about how they originally tried to build Eurodisney in Essex, the perils of not being Steve McQueen, and Scott's great love of custard. With the odd tender love song thrown in for good measure... and even a "duet" with Mr. Finn himself. Very enjoyable stuff and nonsense.

Take the bread out of that - it's not a toaster!

14. The Pernice Brothers - Who Will You Believe?

Joe Pernice has slipped off my radar somewhat in recent years, so I was pleased to rediscover his work through the ninth Pernice Brothers album (I remember getting into the first two around the turn of the millennium). It's another collection of shiny indie pop with soaring vocals and heartfelt lyrics. Not a bad song to be heard, though the one that really stopped me in my tracks was the epic closer, The Purple Rain (no connection to the equally epic Prince tune, just half the duration).

If you were here we could hang out all night and wash our rags till they were almost white
I stopped there on my way, but it didn't feel right
No longer knew a soul
No soul knew me
I never called you, and you never came
I stayed a couple streets away from blame
Hole up in a poem made of pith and pain
I often read the end before the start

13. The Decemberists - As It Ever Was, So It Will Be Again

On the other hand, here's a band who've never really fallen off my radar. As long as Colin Meloy keeps putting out tragic indie-folk paeans like these, I'll keep lapping them up. Special mention to the 19 minute closing track, Joan In The Garden, which descends around the 10 minute mark into a long section of "unexpectedly sick ambient noise" (to quote Stereogum) before rousing itself for a rocking finale. Despite that, I never want to skip it, the band carry me with them right through to the end.

Oh, Len, come down
And meet at the burial ground
They undid the aerial
Tore down the merry-go-round
This world's all wrong
So let's go where we belong
Pack up the stereo, meet at the burial ground

Listening Post #6: Disneyland In Dagenham

Back in the 1980s, when the Walt Disney Company were looking for somewhere to build a European theme park, they seriously considered Dagenham in Essex. 

I'll let Scott Lavene pick up the story from there...

Eventually Disney settled on Paris. Because you can never trust a town without jazz clubs.

Disneyland In Dagenham is the title track from the latest Scott Lavene album. Hear more here.

Product Placement Friday #7: Fray Bentos

This week, I'm handing over the responsibility of Product Placement Friday to George... thanks for giving me a day off, old pal. 

Since my return from the freezing cold of Dundee, I have spent many hours sitting in the sun here at the farm, gazing at the Serra and trying to come up with an idea for this series.

First attempt: Hula Hoops, but a hula hoop seems to be that plastic thing that some people shake about their hips, and even to me a song referring to jumping through a hula hoop of fire simply can not refer to the potato-ish product I was thinking of.

Second attempt: Angel Delight, but this led to songs that I’m quite sure had nothing to do with that peculiar powdered desert (one that we were never allowed to have as children despite “everyone else in my class has it for their pudding”) and also included band names, song titles and lyrics that were eye-wateringly crude.

One more go. Result! So here it is, songs that mention Fray Bentos (that was never allowed in our house thankfully, a steak pie in a tin, or was it steak and kidney, that’s just disgusting).

What better way to start than with Ian Anderson (he of Jethro Tull), from the belated follow-up to the Thick As A Brick album:

Smooth clockwork running motors hum while barren Madge prepares hot dinner

Fray Bentos pie: always a winner

Ian Anderson - Cosy Corner

Next up is Scott Lavene, this might appeal to more people than my first choice (although the estuary-London accent might be a turn-off). It’s an 8 minute listen but very enjoyable

So on this day, he brought around two bottles of gin,

Four bottles of wine, some Fray Bentos Pies

Six tins of cheap Irish stew, a packet of Ginger Nuts, and a loaf of shit bread

Scott Lavene - Broke

Asbo Slipz have an entire song devoted to the steak-pie-in-a-tin yuckiness;

Other pies, well they're for other guys,

Not bad, but I won't compromise

I need the pies that come within

Blue tins with hard to  open lids

Built to survive a nuclear

Bomb and withstand a hundred years

Sat in my kitchen cupboard I've no no fears

With Fray Bentos on my side

Asbo Slipz - Fray Bentos (song for Bav)

The Macc Lads have a song that mentions Fray Bentos. I have not knowingly heard anything by this lot, and after looking at the lyrics I decided to omit the song, I don’t know if it’s tongue-in-cheek satire or just offensive. Anyway, I didn’t like it. 

Unlike the next and last one, by Goldie Lookin Chain. 

And these lyrics are not for the faint-hearted, but I thought this was hilarious

'Til someone said 'oi wanker, what you doing?'

Threw me out, I raised an objection

With corned  beef still stuck to my erection

So what, fuck 'em, I don't give a toss

I'm going home with a Fray Bentos

Thanks again to George for saving me some time this week... although that didn't stop me from having a look to see if I could find anything he'd missed. Here are The Wheezing Dogs from late 70s Canada. Their lead singer was called... Fray Bentos.

The Wheezing Dogs - I Don't Like You

And here's some German Trip Hop...

The Bad Examples -  Das Stück, Das Sie Fray Bentos Nannten

(It translates as The Piece They Called Fray Bentos.)

Fortunately, that was all that I could find.