On the first day back after Half Term, I went to the staff toilet and found a dead spider on the floor. It was one of those huge spiders that invade homes during the Autumn. The internet tells me they’re called Giant House Spiders. It was a dead as a cartoon dog, on its back with its legs in the air, so I picked it up in a piece of toilet paper and dropped it in the loo.
But the damned thing would not flush! I tried covering it in more toilet paper then flushing again, but somehow the toilet paper went down but the spider remained. Worse still, the movement of water from the refilling toilet was making the spider look as though it had come back to life and was synchronised swimming round the bowl. I couldn’t really leave it like that for the next person to find. So I had to reach in, scrunch it up in some more toilet paper, and throw the whole sodden mess in the bin.
Welcome to Self-Loathing Friday. A new feature which might run and run or never appear again. Really, who cares?
Coach Party are from the Isle of Wight, which must surely be the most fertile areas of the UK for growing new bands at the moment. Wet Leg (best new British band of the last ten years) are also caulkheads. Anyway, even though they're much younger than me and probably employ butlers to fish dead spiders out of their toilet, Coach Party appear to have got self-loathing down to a fine art. Admirable, really.
You won't be surprised to know but I'm a big fan of Coach Party (FLAG is my favourite) but I'm not a fan of big spiders.
ReplyDeleteI don't mind them if they're dead.
DeleteThose giant house spiders are amazing (I'm a fan!) I once found one I thought had drowned in the bird bath, so I fished it out and put it on a leaf just to dry out just in case there was any slim chance it was alive after all. It didn't look promising at all, until about three hours later it stretched out its legs one by one and walked away. You just never know.
ReplyDeleteI like the sound of this new series, Rol - although it could turn out to be something of a confessional...
I think spider season is nearly ended but we've had a few whoppers cross the carpet whilst we were watching telly of late. Fortunately not had to deal with any in a toilet though.
ReplyDeleteThere's been Liverpool, Glasgow, Manchester, and now Isle of Wight! You just never know where the next epicentre of musical creativity is going to pop up. Like the song despite the bleak lyrics.
When I moved out of my old, very old, house into this flat a couple of years ago, I thought perhaps I'd seen the last of those Autumn house spiders. No such luck. Just a month ago, a monster strolled into view, casual as you like. I wouldn't say it was large, but it had to duck as it appeared from under the sofa.
ReplyDelete