Self-Loathing Friday #3: I Don't Fit In

I wrote a particularly self-loathing screed the other day about how, even after almost 16 years on the blogosphere, I still don’t feel like I fit in. I scrapped it in the end because such posts always end up sounding like desperate comment-bait, like I’m begging people to say, “Don’t be silly, Rol, your blog is great!” or some such, which really wasn’t the point of writing it. 

When you’re a teenager, not fitting in is just part of life. High school movies always teach us that the kids who do fit in (the cheerleaders, the jocks) are actually evil and will go on to become either high-flying scumbags or faded losers. See Biff Tannen in the Back To The Future movies – he becomes both. The cool kids, the ones with real potential to make a positive difference and change the world, they’re the outcasts, the freaks and the geeks. I wonder if that’s because the majority of high school movies are written by one-time social lepers who have since blossomed into successful butterflies, albeit butterflies with baggage: chips on shoulders, ghosts to exorcise, point to prove.

But what about when you’re 50 and you still feel like you don’t fit in? Some caterpillars go past the point of metamorphosis and just have to learn to live with being caterpillars.

Gee, if this is the post I wrote instead of the one I scrapped, just imagine what a pity party that one was!

Paul Collins recently featured in Namesakes where his band The Beat was roundly trounced by the bathroom vanity guys. No wonder he feels like he doesn’t fit in…

It doesn’t matter what town I’m in
I’m always on the outside, lookin’ in
Oh what, someday everything’s gonna change?
Well, I wanna know when