Kylie Minogue featured in Saturday's quiz with the obvious selection of Kylie's Got A Crush On Us by BMX Bandits. I've probably confessed before to the fact that I bought Kylie's debut single back in 1988 even though I knew it wasn't very good. I was 16, Neighbours was on the TV every night when I got home from school, and Kylie was cool... even despite the insipid Stock Aitken Waterman production. I still think she's cool now - and should be praised for her longevity (Christmas Number One last year!).
Anyway, BMX Bandits wasn't my only choice for songs honouring Ms. Minogue. I could also have gone with this...
Another female pop diva whose records I obsessed over as a teen was Whitney. I'd still rate her second album as a pure pop classic. Then again, I've always been pretty insecure about voicing such things...
Janet Jackson, meanwhile, may be tainted by her brother's reputation... and that "shocking" incident at the Superbowl which got her cancelled for a time, while Justin Timberlake's reputation only soared. Sexist hypocrisy?
But it's back to the pop stars of our youth to close... and here's another lady who's it always been OK to admit to liking. My cool points remain intact.
Give yourself a good laugh and watch that video if you've not seen it in awhile. Kenny Everett springs to mind.
Not only that, but it's National Coconut Torte Day. A day to contemplate sit in the dessert which "sits in that delicious gray area between cake and pastry: rich like a cake, structured like a layer dessert, and often dressed up enough to look like it belongs in a bakery window."
I don't think I've ever eaten a coconut torte. Have I been missing out.
It's National Jewel Day too - I did my quiz about jewels this week, but it wasn't a particularly interesting subject so I won't bother you guys with it.
It's also (no, I'm not making any of these up): National Earmuff Day, International Riesling Day, National Open An Umbrella Indoors Day (on Friday the 13th... are you mad!?!), National Freelancers Day and World Sleep Day.
But all of these wonderful celebrations are trumped (I don't like using that verb any more, even in terms of metaphorical card games) by the aforementioned Bad Luck Friday... our second in a row, thanks to February's insistence on being exactly four weeks long (most of the time).
Actually, there are surprisingly few decent songs about Friday 13th. Thank god then for little Bob Smith, who's clearly having another Bad Hair Day in this video... no change there then.
Quite a few songwriters choose Brian as a metaphor for the fine line between genius and madness. Take this one from Brendon Urie...
She said, "You're just like Mike Love But you wanna be Brian Wilson, Brian Wilson" Said, "You're just like Mike Love But you'll never be Dennis Wilson" And I said (Hey! Hey!) If crazy equals genius (Hey! Hey!) If crazy equals genius Then I'm a fucking arsonist (Hey!) I'm a rocket scientist (Hey! Hey!)
I used to think there was an answer In the music of my youth But I just read Brian Wilson's biography And now I know the truth Because his father never loved him And the band just wanted the money And Dennis was an alcoholic Who drowned looking for treasure And everyone who was around him Just gave him drugs and took his money He was dependent on social acceptance Just like every other human
American singer-songwriter Jill Sobule wasn't particularly well known over this side of the pond, even among music fans... unless you remember her as one of Lloyd Cole's band The Negatives back in 2001...
I guess Jill was a little more well known in the States, where she had a couple of minor hits from her self-titled 1995 album, including one that BBC News claim was "widely considered the first song with openly-gay themes to crack the Billboard Top 20"... although iffypedia says it got to #67, so take your pick who you believe...
That's not the Katy Perry song, by the way... Katy just re-used the title. Jill got there 13 years earlier.
Anyway, I considered myself a fan of Jill's back in the day, though I had rather lost touch with her work in more recent years. I was still shocked to hear of her death last week in a house fire, aged just 66. Lloyd led the tributes: "I'm really too numb to post much of anything. We loved her. She loved us."
The song above was used in the soundtrack of the movie Clueless. That and I Kissed A Girl were the songs most tributes led with. But this was the first Jill Sobule track I thought of when I heard the news...
What a career Ernest Borgnine had. After fighting in the Navy in WWII (and winning a bunch of medals in the process), he ended up fighting alongside Burt Lancaster in From Here To Eternity, William Holden in The Wild Bunch and Lee Marvin in The Dirty Dozen. He was on board The Flight the Phoenix, survived the Poseidon Adventure and chased Kris Kristofferson's Convoy... all long before he took the co-pilot seat in Stringellow Hawk's Airwolf.
He was married five times. His shortest period of wedlock was 42 days, to Ethel Merman. Iffypedia says "their time together was mostly spent hurling profane insults at each other", which sounds familiar. His final marriage lasted 4 decades though, so I guess he got that one right.
He died in 2012 at the age of 95, having being on screen for 6 decades, including the years spent voicing a Spongebob Squarepants character. What a guy.
All your friends are laughing behind your back (KILL THEM)
Take down all those naked pictures of
Ernest Borgnine, you've got hanging in your den
But the greatest tribute to Ernest Borgnine in song comes from John Grant, who uses the great man as an inspirational figure when times are really tough...
I got to meet him once, and he was really, really cool.
And when I think about everything's that he's been through,
I wish he'd call me on the phone and take my ass to school.
I wonder what Ernie Borgnine would do.
Next time I'm having a bad day, I'm going to ask myself that very question.
Jill beats Macy's Day Parade by Green Day (in which Billy Joe Armstrong plays Gripper Stebson) into the Top Ten through the power of positive thinking.
I used to live with someone who loved me
But somehow they ran out of patience
I regret those things I said
They were so uncalled for
When the going gets tough, the tough get boozin'...
I must've had a million damn unlucky days
But there ain't no cloud that a bottle can't chase away
I've done my deal of living, ran from place to place
But when the roof comes in I don't wanna take it straight
And here's someone else with no lock on her liquor cabinet...
Mrs. Carver says she's sorry She knows enough not to worry But what does she know about crime? Believes the town is sinking The price of forward thinking You stay up all night half the time Racking your mind Alone in the night While all your neighbors sleep tight
It's notoriously difficult to make a decent double album without resorting to filler... Stephin Merrit's Magnetic Fields may be the only band I can think of to create a truly indispensable TRIPLE album.
5. Prince - Christopher Tracy's Parade
Not on youtube, natch. Still, I could hardly leave it out.
MCR had many fine moments before calling it a day earlier this year, but
this sumptuous rock opera could well be their finest... one of the best
Number One singles of the 21st Century. I'd pretty much convinced myself it would be Number One here too... until I remembered...
1. The Doors - The Soft Parade
One of the greatest spoken word intros ever put down on tape...
You cannot petition the lord with prayer!
The other 8 minutes aren't too shabby either.
When I listen to Jim Morrison here, I start to realise where that other crazy Jim (Steinman) got so much of his insanity from...and I swear the opening verse reminds me of Neil Hannon too.
When all else fails We can whip the horse's eyes And make them sleep And cry...
But... which parade would you stand out in the rain to watch?
You may be surprised to learn that this is not the only song about Peter Thornley in this Top Ten.
I don't often steal an entire song's lyrics... but these are worth repeating.
I caught myself crying in the mirror
I was pathetic, I
was the angriest dog in the world, I was Kendo Nagaski looking back
over a lifetime just spent sweating in the ring, in a mask, and feeling
ashamed.
I put your postcard on the side
And it makes me happy that you're not happy – it makes me smile
Was
in your top eight friends on myspace for half a week, but Thursday
night I'd disappeared, but you made me feel special for a while.
I guess everything leads to loneliness And Weatherspoons meals are cheaper when there's two We're gonna gather all the lonely people, let them enjoy the two-for-one Then go back to being strangers when they're through And maybe one or two won't be strangers anymore
And it makes me happy that you're not happy – it makes me smile
Art Brut have just released a two-disc best of compilation. Great - like I don't have little enough money as it is. (Unprofessional Wrestling isn't on it, by the way.)
Am I un H A P P why?
Does a new born baby cry?
Did Little Red Riding wear a hood?
Did the three bears shit in the woods?
Was Humpty Dumpty fat?
Does the Pope wear a funny hat?
Is wrestling fixed?
OK, so strictly speaking, Lucy doesn't actually appear to be doing gymnastics at the
gym. But look at her ribs - they show through the spandex. And she's working so hard... to conquer her loneliness. Give her a break, will you?
You think you've got a hold of it all You haven't got a hold at all When you reach the top, get ready to drop Prepare yourself for the fall, you're gonna fall
I tried to do handstands for you But every time I fell on you
1. The Beatles - Twist & Shout
This is the first time I've ever given a Beatles song the Number One position, but while this may not be a Lennon & McCartney original, theirs is still the definitive version. I blame Ferris Bueller...
Those were my gymnastic classics... which one gets a 10.0 from you judges?
