I figured there wouldn't be a shortage of songs that mentioned the world-famous, Bradford-born artist... and I wasn't wrong. There's even a song that beat Sting to the punch...
When I'm putting Snapshot together, I try to get a mix of bands that haven't featured often before, which means that some of the usual suspects and old favourites end up on the operating room floor...
Of course, this got me thinking of my own childhood, of Saturday afternoons watching Big Daddy, Giant Haystacks, Mick McManus, Mark “Rollerball” Rocco and Kendo Nagasaki on TV... easy! Easy! Easy! EASY!!!
I mentioned these to my Mum, who added one perfect detail I'd never heard before. "Me and your dad went to watch the wrestling when we were on our honeymoon in Skegness." So a love of wrestling has been in our family from the early 1950s... through the 80s... and into the present day. A glorious tag team through time.
It's a sad day for Huddersfield with the announcement that our local WH Smith is closing down. The Piazza Shopping Centre, a wonderfully 70s concrete carbuncle (built two years before I was born) is to be demolished and replaced with some shiny space age Jetson's promenade... and Smiths has elected not to seek an alternative location in the town.
There are those who argue (quite vocally on local areas of the book of faces) that Huddersfield town centre has been dying slowly for years now, and that this is another nail in its coffin. I'd rather not be drawn into such debates. The town centre where I spent many a happy Saturday morning with my mum, stopping off at all the local newsagents (including Smiths) to see what new comics I cold find... that place is long gone. But so is the culture that fed it. Back then, in the pre-internet era, I could buy four comics for a pound. Nowadays I'd be lucky to buy one and get change from a fiver. You can't turn back the hands of time.
Here are a few songs in honour of WH Smith. You may have won the battle with John Menzies, but nothing lasts forever...
Let's start not in Yorkshire, but over t'other side o' Pennines...
The next track is also a very personal tune, from a collection written during lockdown. I can't find out much about the artist, but he's definitely a Slow Burner...
Louise sent me the above image, which she'd found on the book of faces, in response to the news that David Cameron is rising from the dead, like a Marvel super-villain, ready to resume the reign of terror and destruction that led to his previous downfall. I mean, he's going to have to go some to beat completely destroying the country, but bad guys always like to think big, don't they?
Anyway, I was rather amused by the aged cultural reference, so I shared the image with my work colleagues on our Whatsapp group. Being teachers, they're a bunch of politically-minded so-and-sos who regularly carp on about the malevolent excesses of the Tory regime, so I figured they'd find it funny.
Only one person got the joke though. Everyone else just thought I was sharing a picture of a naked David Cameron. If they didn't think I was weird already...
In despair, I decided to consult another young person about my faux pas. So I messaged Ben.
I should also point out that a few days earlier, I'd sent Ben a disgusted message regarding the Hollywood remake of 80's TV favourite The Fall Guy, starring Ryan 'as much charisma as a plank of 2x4' Gosling in the Lee Majors role and Aaron 'Oh my god, why does this guy keep getting work?' Taylor-Johnson as Howie Munson. To say I was horrified at this desecration of my childhood is a gross understatement.
Ben replied that he'd never heard of The Fall Guy. Worse still, he was less than complimentary when I sent him a video of the opening credits featuring the classic Lee Majors-sung theme tune. Frankly, he's lucky I was still talking to him.
Rol: As a 30-something who's never seen The Fall Guy, do you understand the cultural reference in this?
Ben: David Cameron at uni with his pig-lover in the shower?
So you're not aware of Bobby Ewing in the shower and what that represents?
Dallas or Dynasty? Is that the who shot JR bit?
I'm aware of these things existing in a loose form.
Or is it the this is all a dream bit?
Dallas. They killed Bobby off. He was dead for a whole series. Ratings dived, so they brought him back to life. The explanation was, yes, the previous season had all been a dream. His resurrection happened with his wife waking up and finding him in the shower.
I kinda got there with some help.
Did the ratings return?
For a while, yes. But a lot of people were pissed off that they'd watched a whole season that was just a dream.
I'm sure I had my dinner watching something on TV There's not, I think, a single episode of Dallas that I didn't see
Thanks though. You answered my question about how well this would be understood by a young person.
Hate to break it to you, but as I'm in my mid 30s, I'm not sure I class as a "young person".
You'll always be a young person to me.
Someone asked me, "Why is youth Wasted on the rude and uncouth? Blinded on cheap vermouth A would be poet in Duluth Long on time, short in the tooth Fantasies of John Wilkes Booth Come back when you're younger
See you had that, but I grew up in the early days of the internet where shock tactics were the shared things that are now cultural flagstones. Ask anyone my age what "goatse", "lemon party" or "meat spinner" are and you'll get nostalgia for an internet before it became corporatised. None of those are pleasant things but it represents the wider culture of the internet as a mysterious entity prior to it becoming standardised. The rise of these standardised sites can be attributed to places like blogger, Tumblr and myspace who sought tohomogenise how the internet looked and was consumed before the rise of the true current social media spaces. You just got shit telly.
That last line is a complete reduction, but I felt it hit as a good punchline.
Blow up your TV Throw away your paper Go to the country Build you a home Plant a little garden Eat a lot of peaches Try an' find Jesus on your own
I won't. But I feel like I've just seen a Lynchian glimpse behind a curtain I don't want to look behind.
Was it like the dark web?
I think dark web is exaggerating quite a bit, yet excessive gore, violence and stuff of a sexual nature was pretty much everywhere. But it wasn't for consuming content the way we use the internet now, it was just for shock. If that makes sense?
So people weren't hunting it down for kicks, it was just randomly placed to cause upset?
I spent a lot of time online in the early days of the Web. Why didn't I stumble across this shit?
The websites were passed along like folklore. The internet wasn't monetised at that point so there was no impetus to drive traffic.
Was this widely shared by your whole generation though? I wonder if it's comparable to the collective consciousness from my generation regarding the TV shows of our youth, even the ones we didn't watch.
Because there was far less choice, there was much more shared cultural knowledge back then.
These things were the early version of memes. Links sent to others in msn messenger, written on each other's schoolbooks, typed into a friend's computer in the computer room at school (before siteblocking).
Because you have to remember, my generation is the one that grew up in the world you mentioned whilst also growing up in the early days of widespread internet, meaning the habits from the former informed the way we used the internet.
Sam's generation however will experience a curated internet.
Not quite the same then. I'm consistently surprised by the lack of a shared cultural knowledge by today's teenagers. Like how many of them don't know who Homer Simpson or Indiana Jones or Darth Vader are. I know they're all older generation examples, but I knew about John Wayne and Humphrey Bogart when I was a kid. Everything is fractured now, little pockets of knowledge but very few shared cultural touchstones.
Look, the internet now is curated along two distinct lines...
1) a company wishing to monopolise visits to the internet (i.e the platform).
2) content curated by the ways in which Sam will view the internet ( i.e. logarithms).
I feel like you're just sending me pages from your thesis now.
My last point ties directly into yours though: the internet now is so curated towards likes and viewing habits (down to how long on average we stay on a single image or video, so as to then recommend more of the same to keep us engaged) that a level of shared culture isn't possible anymore.
Is this why nobody reads my blog?
The internet doesn't show you content about what you *think* you want to see anymore. It gives you stuff that you *do* engage with (positively or negatively). It needs you to stay engaged. And the data which it uses to provide you with this is based on hundreds of thousands of hours of billions of people's viewing habits.
So whilst it sounds utopian, it's not driven by enjoying, just engaging. You take a second to read how terrible that Daily Mail headline is on your Google news feed? You engaged with it. It'll show you more. But it needs time to work out why you engaged with it. So it shows you soft politically biased things in that area to see if you engage with those. If you do, you might get some alt-right stuff. It knows you're male based on how you view and men engage with alt right stuff more than women. Not engaging with that stuff enough, it'll move to testing your engagement with things until it finds where you are.
This is how so many young men end up engaged with alt right stuff. Once they begin, it'll start flooding their feeds with it. Cars - sports cars - luxury cars - alpha mindset - Andrew Tate. Comic books - whining about certain aspects - woke comics nowadays - anti woke - Andrew Tate. And it's not set up to force people into certain beliefs, but because of how we engage with the internet and the "need" to monetise it, it's the conclusion.
Populist beliefs have become far stronger across the western world since the late 90s and increase year on year. That means it gets engagement so is viewed more. And on the internet, views = money, so notoriety and fame are the same thing. As a result, people who want to be successful express extreme opinions. Those get views. People want to make money, so they replicate those views.
By no means am I saying Sam is destined to end up with those views. You're too decent a person and I know he'll learn from you. But he will be exposed to it. A lot of it. Without ever searching for it. His friends will. And some will identify with it. And people are trying to blame particular websites or certain heads of the hydra instead of dealing with having to have difficult conversations with their kids.
Is this why nobody reads my blog?
It's more that it's not monetisable, so the people who do read it or come across it will always be a small group, but they will have a level of interest in the subject matter that equals yours.
I forgot all about this feature last week. Probably a sign that I have too many series on the go. Or that the old memory cells are dying off a little quicker now that I'm rapidly approaching the big 5-0.
We had Ofsted in this week. At The Bad Place, that would have been like the Four Horsemen riding in... but at the new place, it was all very calm and civilized.
In the end, the inspector who was supposed to be coming to see us tested positive for Covid, so our side of the service never even got a visit. Somebody high up in a fancy office somewhere lamented the fact that we must all be terribly disappointed...
Gloria Gaynor's glorious empowerment anthem is a peerless disco classic. (Could I get any more superlatives into that sentence?) There are some mighty fine covers of it too, including Cake and REM (although Michael appears to only know half of the lyrics). Gloria is none too fond of them herself though.
Art Brut's entirely different song of the same name really doesn't bear comparison. And Art Brut are such an acquired taste, I hesitate to even mention it. But I love Eddie Argos, so I can forgive him anything... and you can't copyright a title, even if it's iconic.
I'm young and nothing can harm me
I've sold all my records to pay for a party
I'm still drunk, but that's alright
I've been staying out every night
You're always welcome to crash on my floor
There's no key or lock for the door
I'm ignoring my grown-up problems as
I've got no idea how to solve them
If you don't care for that, you could always try the completely unrelated I Will Survive by Mötley Crüe. Horses for courses...
By the time December 25th rolls around, you're probably sick of hearing the same old Christmas songs played over and over again on the radio... maybe even Fairytale of New York.
So here are ten alternatives to brighten your Christmas morning. Not that I'd usually expect anybody to be wasting their Christmas Day reading this nonsense, but maybe in Christmas lockdown you'll find the odd five minutes...
Is Die Hard the greatest Christmas movie? No, that's It's A Wonderful Life. Die Hard is just the second greatest Christmas movie. This, however, is indisputably the best Christmas song about Die Hard...
From one of the best Christmas albums of the 21st Century. Every track's a classic.
1. The Black Arts - Christmas Number One
What do you get when you combine Black Box Recorder with Art Brut? A perfect recreation of the golden age of Christmas pop songs. A 70s glam stomper... with a sly postmodern cynicism.
We threw in some sleigh bells and some other festive stuff
A video with artificial snow, like the devil's own dandruff
The neighbours on the other side seemed a bit less annoying than hipster-bearded, Maroon 5-loving, summer house boy. Their daughter, a young trainee nurse, even liked to bake cakes and share them with her neighbours. Ah, the dream.
Then, inexplicably, she bought a boy racer car with two huge exhaust pipes that you could hear coming all the way from Heckmondwyke. And because she was a nurse, and worked shifts, she would often arrive home at 1, 2am and park up on their drive with the engine running while she… actually, I have no idea what she was doing, but she had to keep the engine rumbling for it.
Just getting it all off my chest…
Three old favourites released new music this year. All fine records in their own right, but hardly up there with their best.
Jarvis Cocker continued his descent into weirdness with Beyond The Pale, moving further than ever from a Pulp reunion… with some amusing offerings, but nothing quite essential.
Sparks released another strong late-stage Sparks album. A Steady Drip, Drip, Drip, that captivated me for a couple of weeks, but soon slipped out of rotation. iPhone is still one of my songs of the year though.
And Eddie Argos furthered the Art Brut comeback by teaming up with We Are Scientists for The WASABI EP. They recorded each others’ songs, covered The Travelling Wilburys, and stuck a couple of enjoyable new Art Brut tracks on the end. Record Store Day remains a favourite.
I choked on a fish finger while watching Charlie Brooker's Anti Viral Wipe. It was the description of Health Minister Matt Hancock that did it. That is my favourite line of the year.
Art Brut and We Are Scientists have released a split collection called The Wasabi EP. This makes it quite timely as Sam's favourite game at the moment is Sushi Go, and Wasabi is the card he always wants to get.
The first half involves We Are Scientists covering a couple of Art Brut songs, followed by a somewhat ill-advised tag team version of Handle With Care by the Travelling Wilburys. The second half features four new Art Brut songs. Which is good enough for me.
This is my favourite, and I think you might appreciate it, even if you're not an Art Brut fan. It's called Record Store day and the opening line is "Jack White's got a lot to answer for..." What else do you need? Oh, yes...
Welcome back to the Hot 100 as we come of age - backwards - with only 17 more weeks to go before I get to have a lie down. As has become customary in recent weeks, there's a ton of songs to get through... so let's get cracking.
Fascinating facts about Pete Wingfield (I bought "18 With A Bullet" in 1975 - fantastically fun lyrics): He produced Searching for the Young Soul Rebels the first album by Dexys Midnight Runners - and also produced The Proclaimers "Sunshine on Leith". He's played keyboards for Van Morrison, The Everly Brothers, The Housemartins and many more. Sadly however, he did play piano for The Alan Parsons Project, but nobody's perfect.
In the blue corner, here's... erm... Lynchie...
...and then there's the great Alice Cooper song: "I'm Eighteen".
I definitely second FBCB's suggestion of Alice Cooper's 'I'm Eighteen'. A few years ago Mr SDS did his best Alice Cooper impression at a fancy dress party (it was so hot his eyeliner ran and the great thing was that it didn't matter...) Somewhere out there now there's a priceless photo of Alice, Slash and Ozzy together in a scout hut in Essex.
And this week's winner...?
Well, it's obvious really, isn't it?
Well done, Lynchie.
Next week - 17. Off the top of my head, there can be only one winner. You may seek to persuade me otherwise...
Dipping my toe tentatively into Top Tens again, lest this blog get done under the Trade Descriptions Act. One of the main reasons I quit was because I always ended up with too many options for whatever topic I picked and I hated leaving anything out. So I'm just going to go with the first ten songs I think of and call this Volume 1 of Songs About Being In A Band. When I think of more, or you do, I might run a second post.
I always thought this was about his years as a member of the Drive By Truckers, but the interweb tells me he actually wrote about a band they went on tour with called Centro-Matic.
The downside of being in a band... and not doing as well as you'd hoped.
It's all my fault
Yes I'm to blame
Ain't got no money
Ain't got no fame
1. Art Brut - Formed A Band
Surely the most joyous expression of what it must be like to start your own band after dreaming about it for so long. I can never understand why Art Brut weren't bigger than The Beatles. (Please don't answer that.)
And yes, that is his singing voice. It's not irony, and it's not rock 'n' roll... he's just talking... to the kids.
Younger Younger 28's were a fine choice to illustrate this week's post. Imagine The Human League Meets Pulp Meets Shampoo. Thanks to Jim in Dubai for recalling them and suggesting their excellent b-side Karaoke Queen (linking to another blog for that one as I couldn't find it on youtube). I was always fond of We're Going Out as well. They should have been massive.
I've a feeling you may have suggested that 30 posts ago too.
Meanwhile, last week we had Lloyd Cole fretting over getting ready to turn 30. Martin also reminded us of this, which could well pop up again in 5 posts' time...
"And my personal favourite (even if it is atypical), from the pen of Ray Davies, Low Budget by The Kinks, which has this:
Even my trousers are giving me pain,
They were reduced in a sale so I shouldn't complain.
They squeeze me so tight so I can't take no more,
They're size 28 but I take 34."
Do you know what? I'm not sure I've ever heard that before. And if you hadn't told me it was the Kinks, I might have thought it was AC/DC. It's great though!
The Swede found slim pickings in his own record collection this week. His only offering was a bit of a surprise too...
"'Never Be the Same Again' by Puressence features the lines '...you're feeling lots of pain again, December 28 again, your famous boxing day again...' December 28th? Boxing Day? What's that all about? Great song though."
"Other than that," he adds, "I need to invoke the "50 Words For Snow" card again...
28: Robbers Veil
Yes, you can always rely on Kate Bush for redemption.
Meanwhile, Alyson was in an existential mood this week...
"Alicia Keys has a song called 28 Thousand Days which is apparently the average lifespan so we should pack as much in as we can. Scarily I've had nearly 22,000 days already so I'd better get a wiggle on."
Don't worry, Alyson, you don't look a day over 21,999.
"'22 Grand Job' by the Rakes, love that song and it's pure energy, and before it comes up again in 6 weeks' time for obvious reasons it could get a little preview here for the line
But he's only 28, no more 22
Shorter post than usual this week because Douglas was on holiday. Let's scrape the bottom of my barrel before we get onto the serious contenders...
To Scarborough then, where I spent some of my holiday last week. Although we stayed near Scarborough, we did spend more time in Whitby, Filey and Robin Hood's Bay. I do know a song about Whitby, which I'll feature another time, but sadly couldn't find any that referred to either Filey or Robin Hood's Bay. Lynchie was curious as to when exactly Robin Hood visited the North Yorkshire coast, and iffypedia only offers a vague legend about him seeing off some French pirates there once. But even outlaws deserve a holiday, surely?
Anyway, Scarborough, birthplace of rock band Little Angels and folkie Eliza Carthy (no, neither of her famous musical parents were born there). Scarborough may also attempt to claim Robert Palmer, and yes, he may have grown up there, but he was actually born much closer to my own home. There's a reason I call him Batley Bob.
I'm sure we can all name an obvious song about Scarborough.
However, this week's selection comes from Art Brut's Eddie Argos and Dyan Valdes of The Blood Arm, from their short-lived but much-cherished (in this house, anyway) collaboration, Everybody Was In The French Resistance... Now! Only 31 views on youtube as I write this post... let's see if we can get them up to at least 35, shall we?
This is the time of year when I always end up discovering new records that would have ended up in my Best Of the previous year had I heard them in time. A couple of weeks back, I was lamenting the fact that not much indie music really hit home for me in 2018... and then a few days after that, I found out that one of my favourite true indie bands had released a new album last November and I hadn't heard a thing about it.
Art Brut, for those who've never heard them, are a bit like The Fall if Mark E. Smith had been replaced by Adrian Mole. Lead singer & songwriter Eddie Argos answers the question "What if Will from The Inbetweeners had formed Half Man Half Biscuit?" Very funny, extremely self aware, a bit of a lovable loser... with with a undying love of Top of the Pops and all that it meant to us. He knows he'll never be a real pop star though... and that tragic irony is why we love him. It's also perfectly expressed on the track Kultfigur...
Cult figure?
Don't snigger.
It's not about making the audience bigger.
We've got a lead singer
Doesn't really sing
Lives off his paintings
Got a flat in Berlin...
Last night I dreamt
We won the Mercury Music Prize
Our parents were proud
(But a little surprised.)
Now the thing is, Art Brut have been away for a while. Almost 8 years, in fact. And when I heard they were back, I was both thrilled and a little wary. How many bands come back after 8 years with an album as good anything they've ever released? Not many. How many sound just the same as they always did, even though they're now in their 40s? (Especially tricky if your act involves sounding like a geeky 14 year old.)
It's with some relief then that I can confidently say... if you liked Art Brut back then, you'll still like them now. (And if you didn't care for them, you never will.) Wham! Bang! Pow! Let's Rock Out! is a very entertaining collection of songs, full of character, joy and witty pop-culture gags. Plus some great tunes too.
Songs about drinking so much you end up in Hospital...
