Here are some more shops about songs.
I mean songs about shops.
And, of course...
There's a man with a mullet
Going mad with a mallet
In Millet's
Showing posts with label Neil Young. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Neil Young. Show all posts
Monday, 19 October 2026
Wednesday, 10 December 2025
Radio Songs #74: Now, one day a man in a pinstriped suit…
There are big schedule changes afoot at my favourite radio
station, BBC Radio Scotland. For years now, I’ve been listening to late night
shows from that station (and a couple from BBC Radio Ulster) to help me get to
sleep, and to keep my mind from racing when I wake up in the wee small hours.
Radio has always been a big part of my sleep routine, even as a child I slept
with the radio on and if I woke up in the night, it was reassuring to have a
friendly voice there playing interesting music to keep the night at bay.
These days I don’t listen to live radio, but through the
wonder of BBC Sounds, I always have a bank of shows to go to in the night.
Mickey Bradley and Ralph McLean on the Irish station; Iain Anderson, Natasha
Raskin-Sharp, Roddy Hart and Ricky Ross from Scotland. There’s nothing on Radio
2 or 6Music for me anymore. 2 is too mainstream, far too much chance of hearing
U2, Celine Dion and Simply Red. 6Music is too in love with dance music, or more
likely to play something too loud which will wake me up with a hammering heart.
And I can’t listen to commercial radio (what’s left of it) because of the ads
(irony, I know, because I spent a large part of my life writing those bloody
things).
Lucy
Spraggan – Don’t Play This On The Radio
Anyway, Radio Scotland has a new programme controller, and I
lived through enough of those in my time in radio to know that it’s rarely good
news. Most new programme controllers arrive in the job with a mantra of “If it
ain’t broke – fix it”, and so it is at Radio Scotland. Two of my favourite
shows are ending while a third is being shuffled to the weekend in order to
create a new regular late show that will appeal to the 45+ demographic… i.e.
it’ll sound just like Radio 2. I may be prejudging, but I expect we’ll hear a
lot more U2, Celine Dion and Simply Red.
Farewell then to veteran broadcaster Iain Anderson, who's been on Scottish radio since the days of the Ark, but has always been a
reliable place to go to hear the best singer-songerwritery material of the last
60 years. And an even sadder farewell to the wonderful Natasha Raskin-Sharp, a
presenter with a Peel-like commitment to shining light on artists that never
get played anywhere else on the radio. I’ve listened to both their shows for
over a decade now, I’ve welcomed them into my home, they’ve become warm,
stalwart, dependable friends, and I’ve valued the comfort they’ve given me in
the long dark nights of the soul… I fooled myself into thinking they’d always
be there.
There’s a
campaign running to save these shows, to get BBC Radio Scotland to reverse
it’s schedule changes (slated for the New Year), a campaign backed by a lot of
the independent Scottish musicians who have come to rely upon the shows for
airplay. I’ve signed the petition (currently at 15,000 signatures), but I don’t
hold out much hope. Because I’ve worked in radio, and I’ve seen too many good
presenters forced out over the years because the market testing showed audiences
didn’t want individual choice or musical eclecticism.
Public
Enemy - How To Kill A Radio Consultant
A week or so before the announcement, Iain Anderson played
my favourite song by Mark Germino, and took a moment to dwell upon its message.
I didn’t understand the significance at the time. I do now.
Now, one day a man in a pinstriped suit
Took the owner of the station to a restaurant booth
His pitch was simple, “you'll increase your sales
“If you only play the song list we send in the mail.”
He guaranteed a larger audience
Less confusion and higher points
“But your drive-time jock won't get to do his thing.
“Hey he's not half bad, tell me, what's his name?”
Friday, 14 February 2025
Bertie Fridays #3: Scotland's Answer To Bob Dylan?
Herbert Jansch was Glaswegian by birth, Edinburgher / Edinbronian* by "origin", according to iffypedia.
(The internet can't agree on the correct term, although I did see “C*nts fae Edinburgh” suggested by one, presumed, Glaswegian contributor.)
"Origin", I'm guessing, means than Bert Jansch was bitten by a radioactive acoustic guitar in the Scottish capital, giving him amazing plucking skills and leading him to be cited as an influence to everyone from Jimmy Page to Mike Oldfield, Paul Simon to Nick Drake, Donovan to Johnny Marr. At times, they called him "a British Bob Dylan", though it was a comparison Jansch didn't really care for himself.
Bert Jansch - Strolling Down The Highway
As well as being a leading light in the British folk revival of the 60s, Jansch went on to form "one of the most influential groups of the late 20th century"... No, not Showaddywaddy.
In his later years, Jansch would work with many of the artists he'd inspired in his younger days, including opening for Neil Young on the old grumpy git's 2010 US tour. Young once said, "as much of a great guitar player as Jimi was, Bert Jansch is the same thing for acoustic guitar... and my favourite." And if you can get a kind word from Neil Young, you must be doing something right.
Next week... what the world needs now.
Thursday, 29 February 2024
Title Fight #8: Greg! The Stop Sign!!!
More eye-catching song titles and ear-catching tunes today, starting with the gentleman above, who certainly knew a thing or two about writing an intriguing title. Any of these would do...
David Bowie - Unwashed and Somewhat Slightly Dazed
David Bowie - Chant of the Ever Circling Skeletal Family
David Bowie - Always Crashing in the Same Car
David Bowie - I'm Afraid of Americans
David Bowie - Scary Monsters (And Super Creeps)
However, I'd argue that his best title is the one below... but maybe that's because I can't separate it in my head from the full album title.
Perhaps I've not got anything else that can compete with the Dame at full power... but I'm going to give it my best shot. Starting with this little beauty...
Firmament & The Elements - The Festival of Frothy Muggament
The driving force behind Firmament & The Elements was Bruce Woolley, one of the three men responsible for Video Killed The Radio Star (another great title). Trevor Horn and Geoff Downes released that song as The Buggles, while Bruce released his own version (with Thomas Dolby in keyboards). History is written by the victors.
Bruce Woolley & The Camera Club - Video Killed The Radio Star
The 1970s were a terribly sexist time, weren't they? I mean, this was the decade that brought us such enlightened thinking as...
The Monks - Nice Legs, Shame About the Face
Neil Young - A Man Needs a Maid
Joe Tex - Ain't Gonna Bump No More (With No Big Fat Woman)
Thank heavens then for Andy Arthurs of bands like La Bouche, Tonight and The Rock Along Combo. He's clearly what they used to call a "new man". Although I'm not sure what he's doing in that raincoat...
A Raincoat - I Love You For Your Mind (Not Your Body)
I used to work with a guy called Duncan Brown. He was an amateur weather man. As soon as he saw one snowflake in the sky, he'd start packing his bag and heading for the door. "I don't want to get stuck in that!"
His namesake, with an added E, was a prominent figure in the English folk rock scene in the 70s. Sadly this Duncan died from cancer at only 46, but he left behind some great tunes, and one song title in particular that sticks in my mind...
Duncan Browne - Send Me The Bill For Your Friendship
I've had a few "friends" like that over the years...
This week's big discovery is from 1995, and the closest thing I can compare it to is Chumbawamba at their best. Although Chumbawamba take themselves seriously from time to time.
TISM (short for This Is Serious Mum) are a bunch of Australian alt-rock lunatics who wear balaclavas and a variety of outrageous costumes on stage and generally take the piss, with added nihilism. Band members include Humphrey B. Flaubert, Jock Cheese and Eugene de la Hot Croix Bun. TISM played their first gig in 1983 and broke up immediately afterwards. Every live performance since has been a reunion gig.
All this will enrage those people of you believe there's no place for fun in popular music, but you're generally unhappy about everything anyway. Perhaps you'd be interested to learn that some pretentious goon in the Grauniad called Greg! The Stop Sign!! "a metaphor for our collective mortality". Or perhaps not...
Friday, 9 February 2024
Memory Mixtape #27: Coffee Time
Did anybody actually drink coffee in the 70s and early 80s? Everyone I knew drank tea from an early age, but the only coffee you could get was that nasty freeze-dried stuff, and although there might have been a jar in the cupboard, I think it was only there for if we had a weird workman in.
By the time I reached my late teens, I was drinking a lot of tea. A large teapot full every night. And because I don't like milk, I was drinking it black and strong. Three bags.
I've written before about how I was invited in for coffee after my first date, and I didn't even like coffee, but coffee was all that was on offer. I'm covering old grounds here (you see what I did there?), but I ended that post by explaining that I finally ended up a coffee drinker when I started using the Klix vending machine to keep me awake on nightshift. There weren't a lot of great options from that machine. The tea was white only - at least you could get coffee black. Beyond that, there was a hot lemon drink that tasted like wallpaper stripper... and a sub-sub-Bovril effort that I once tried in desperation and can still taste how disgusting it was 30+ years later.
You date a girl and find out later
She smells like a percolator
Her perfume was made right on the grill
They've got an awful lot of coffee in Brazil
I don't know when I first tried a proper coffee, maybe as an after dinner treat in a restaurant, but it changed my life forever. Nowadays, there are more coffee shops in the UK than there are pubs, but back then there were hardly any. The interweb tells me that coffee shop culture was a big thing in the swinging '60s but died away when people discovered instant coffee in the 70s and 80s. This confirms something I've long suspected: the general public are idiots.
Various articles online suggest that the UK coffee shop resurgence happened in the 1990s as a result of young Brits watching the Friends characters hang out in Central Perk. It may seem hard to believe now, but the first UK Starbucks didn't open till 1998. I'm not particularly a fan of Starbucks - a bit too close in texture to the Klix Vending Machine Gravy - but I will drink it as a last resort. Unlike Neil Young...
My preferred chain, Caffè Nero, opened its first in that London in 1997, so I'm guessing they didn't get to the rest of the UK till well into the noughties. I remember when the Bradford branch opened; I was working radio advertising and it became a daily ritual to walk across Bradford in the afternoon for a proper Americano. By then, I was pretty much a coffee addict.
And the long black dream is over
As the snow falls on and on
And it takes five cups of coffee
To calm down before I sleep
That addiction only grew when I became a teacher, but all that caffeine clearly wasn't doing a lot to help with the anxiety caused by the pressure of working at The Bad Place.
Nowadays I'm mostly a two coffees a day man, and visits to coffee shops have become a luxury rather than a necessity... who can afford at nearly £4 a pop? That said, I always feel more relaxed in a coffee shop than I ever felt in a pub. Even when I was a drinker, I found pubs to be intimidating places. And not just because of the stress of getting served at a crowded bar. I know I'm in the minority here - most people find pubs to be welcoming places, but I never felt like I belonged... even when I was handing over a small fortune for a double Jack Daniels and Coke. (I dread to think how much my former beverage of choice costs these days... one more reason to be grateful for being tee-total.)
My dad became a coffee drinker later in life, and I wonder if my love of strong black coffee was in some way an attempt to emulate or connect with him? Although Sam's way too young to indulge, he spends a lot of time in coffee shops with me... in the same way I guess many parents might have taken their kids into family pubs when they were growing up, to acclimatise them to that culture. Although he liked a pint of lager and lime from time to time, my dad wasn't a big drinker and I never went to the pub with him.
Some men drink alcohol
Some men drink juices from the vine
But as for me I'm very simple
Give me coffee every time
Every Saturday morning, about ten a.m. (once the Snapshots excitement has died down), Sam and I stop off at the local Co Op cafe before starting the weekly shop. I have an Americano, Sam has an Appletiser, and we both have a pastry. We sit and talk... it's good father and son time. The highlight of my week.
It wouldn't be my coffee shop of choice... but any excuse to watch this video again...
Friday, 17 November 2023
Conversations With Ben #30: Bobby Ewing In The Shower
Anyway, I was rather amused by the aged cultural reference, so I shared the image with my work colleagues on our Whatsapp group. Being teachers, they're a bunch of politically-minded so-and-sos who regularly carp on about the malevolent excesses of the Tory regime, so I figured they'd find it funny.
Only one person got the joke though. Everyone else just thought I was sharing a picture of a naked David Cameron. If they didn't think I was weird already...
In despair, I decided to consult another young person about my faux pas. So I messaged Ben.
I'm sure I had my dinner watching something on TV
Someone asked me, "Why is youth
Blow up your TV
Along with the Salad Fingers and Burnt Face Man stuff. They were all shared the same way those early emails used to contain funny pictures. Or the earliest meme: "on the internet, nobody knows you're a dog".
I should also point out that a few days earlier, I'd sent Ben a disgusted message regarding the Hollywood remake of 80's TV favourite The Fall Guy, starring Ryan 'as much charisma as a plank of 2x4' Gosling in the Lee Majors role and Aaron 'Oh my god, why does this guy keep getting work?' Taylor-Johnson as Howie Munson. To say I was horrified at this desecration of my childhood is a gross understatement.
Ben replied that he'd never heard of The Fall Guy. Worse still, he was less than complimentary when I sent him a video of the opening credits featuring the classic Lee Majors-sung theme tune. Frankly, he's lucky I was still talking to him.
Popular culture no longer applies to me.
Rol: As a 30-something who's never seen The Fall Guy, do you understand the cultural reference in this?
Ben: David Cameron at uni with his pig-lover in the shower?
So you're not aware of Bobby Ewing in the shower and what that represents?
Dallas or Dynasty? Is that the who shot JR bit?
I'm aware of these things existing in a loose form.
Or is it the this is all a dream bit?
Dallas. They killed Bobby off. He was dead for a whole series. Ratings dived, so they brought him back to life. The explanation was, yes, the previous season had all been a dream. His resurrection happened with his wife waking up and finding him in the shower.
I kinda got there with some help.
Did the ratings return?
For a while, yes. But a lot of people were pissed off that they'd watched a whole season that was just a dream.
I'm sure I had my dinner watching something on TV
There's not, I think, a single episode of Dallas that I didn't see
Abba - The Day Before You Came
Thanks though. You answered my question about how well this would be understood by a young person.
Hate to break it to you, but as I'm in my mid 30s, I'm not sure I class as a "young person".
You'll always be a young person to me.
Someone asked me, "Why is youth
Wasted on the rude and uncouth?
Blinded on cheap vermouth
A would be poet in Duluth
Long on time, short in the tooth
Fantasies of John Wilkes Booth
Come back when you're younger
See you had that, but I grew up in the early days of the internet where shock tactics were the shared things that are now cultural flagstones. Ask anyone my age what "goatse", "lemon party" or "meat spinner" are and you'll get nostalgia for an internet before it became corporatised. None of those are pleasant things but it represents the wider culture of the internet as a mysterious entity prior to it becoming standardised. The rise of these standardised sites can be attributed to places like blogger, Tumblr and myspace who sought tohomogenise how the internet looked and was consumed before the rise of the true current social media spaces. You just got shit telly.
That last line is a complete reduction, but I felt it hit as a good punchline.
Blow up your TV
Throw away your paper
Go to the country
Build you a home
Plant a little garden
Eat a lot of peaches
Try an' find Jesus on your own
Don't google those things by the way.
I won't. But I feel like I've just seen a Lynchian glimpse behind a curtain I don't want to look behind.
Was it like the dark web?
I think dark web is exaggerating quite a bit, yet excessive gore, violence and stuff of a sexual nature was pretty much everywhere. But it wasn't for consuming content the way we use the internet now, it was just for shock. If that makes sense?
So people weren't hunting it down for kicks, it was just randomly placed to cause upset?
Elvis Presley - How the Web Was Woven
I spent a lot of time online in the early days of the Web. Why didn't I stumble across this shit?
The websites were passed along like folklore. The internet wasn't monetised at that point so there was no impetus to drive traffic.
Was this widely shared by your whole generation though? I wonder if it's comparable to the collective consciousness from my generation regarding the TV shows of our youth, even the ones we didn't watch.
Because there was far less choice, there was much more shared cultural knowledge back then.
These things were the early version of memes. Links sent to others in msn messenger, written on each other's schoolbooks, typed into a friend's computer in the computer room at school (before siteblocking).
Like sharing pages from the porn mags we found in the woods?
Exactly.
Bis - Dial-Up Internet Is the Purest Internet
Because you have to remember, my generation is the one that grew up in the world you mentioned whilst also growing up in the early days of widespread internet, meaning the habits from the former informed the way we used the internet.
Sam's generation however will experience a curated internet.
Not quite the same then. I'm consistently surprised by the lack of a shared cultural knowledge by today's teenagers. Like how many of them don't know who Homer Simpson or Indiana Jones or Darth Vader are. I know they're all older generation examples, but I knew about John Wayne and Humphrey Bogart when I was a kid. Everything is fractured now, little pockets of knowledge but very few shared cultural touchstones.
Look, the internet now is curated along two distinct lines...
1) a company wishing to monopolise visits to the internet (i.e the platform).
2) content curated by the ways in which Sam will view the internet ( i.e. logarithms).
I feel like you're just sending me pages from your thesis now.
My last point ties directly into yours though: the internet now is so curated towards likes and viewing habits (down to how long on average we stay on a single image or video, so as to then recommend more of the same to keep us engaged) that a level of shared culture isn't possible anymore.
Is this why nobody reads my blog?
The internet doesn't show you content about what you *think* you want to see anymore. It gives you stuff that you *do* engage with (positively or negatively). It needs you to stay engaged. And the data which it uses to provide you with this is based on hundreds of thousands of hours of billions of people's viewing habits.
So whilst it sounds utopian, it's not driven by enjoying, just engaging. You take a second to read how terrible that Daily Mail headline is on your Google news feed? You engaged with it. It'll show you more. But it needs time to work out why you engaged with it. So it shows you soft politically biased things in that area to see if you engage with those. If you do, you might get some alt-right stuff. It knows you're male based on how you view and men engage with alt right stuff more than women. Not engaging with that stuff enough, it'll move to testing your engagement with things until it finds where you are.
This is how so many young men end up engaged with alt right stuff. Once they begin, it'll start flooding their feeds with it. Cars - sports cars - luxury cars - alpha mindset - Andrew Tate. Comic books - whining about certain aspects - woke comics nowadays - anti woke - Andrew Tate. And it's not set up to force people into certain beliefs, but because of how we engage with the internet and the "need" to monetise it, it's the conclusion.
Populist beliefs have become far stronger across the western world since the late 90s and increase year on year. That means it gets engagement so is viewed more. And on the internet, views = money, so notoriety and fame are the same thing. As a result, people who want to be successful express extreme opinions. Those get views. People want to make money, so they replicate those views.
They Might Be Giants - Youth Culture Killed My Dog
By no means am I saying Sam is destined to end up with those views. You're too decent a person and I know he'll learn from you. But he will be exposed to it. A lot of it. Without ever searching for it. His friends will. And some will identify with it. And people are trying to blame particular websites or certain heads of the hydra instead of dealing with having to have difficult conversations with their kids.
Is this why nobody reads my blog?
It's more that it's not monetisable, so the people who do read it or come across it will always be a small group, but they will have a level of interest in the subject matter that equals yours.
I was hoping for a better punchline than that.
Sunday, 5 March 2023
Snapshots #282: A Top Ten Southern Songs
Now we've got that joke out of the way, here are ten songs for southerners...
10. His son's on the lash again.
This is Albert Hammond. His son is Albert Hammond Jr. He's in The Strokes.
Albert Hammond - It Never Rains In Southern California
9. Cold as ice.
8. Performed by a bargain basement magician.
7. Rude, tricky verbs.
Anagram!
Drive-By Truckers - The Southern Thing
6. Mia's devilish offspring.
Mia Farrow starred in Rosemary's Baby.
Rosemary's Children - Southern Fields
5. There's a messed up guy online.
"Guy online" is a messed up anagram of...
4. Formerly an influential film director.
He used to be an Auteur. Now he's just...
Luke Haines - English Southern Man
3. Use it to buy the office supplies.
Time to raid the Petty Cash.
Johnny Cash - Southern Accents
2. Bebop chops.
Classic!
1. Ringing tents in the narrow valley.
Ringing tents would have camp-bells. A narrow valley is a glen.
Glen Campbell - Southern Nights
More Snapshots - direct from the north of England - next Saturday.
Sunday, 17 April 2022
Snapshots #236: A Top Ten Songs Named After Characters From Disney Movies
Well done if you worked this one out. If you dis'ney... don't feel too bad.
10. Flaming Space Invaders!
9. Open the doors to some Southern Comfort, Hal.
Matthews Southern Comfort.
Dave asked Hal to open the doors. (In 2001.)
8. You need to stop watching Monica and Chandler over and over.
You're watching Friends, again!?
7. The King of Cool gets sauteed.
Dean Martin was The King of Cool. He was never a Fried Man.
6. Gal in haircare lust.
Anagram!
Christina Aguilera - Genie In A Bottle
You'd think I actually liked that song, given that it's the second time it's appeared here. Not really.
5. Sack Mark E. Smith.
Fire (the) Fall.
4. Suspect cleric.
(The Reverend) Al Green - Belle
3. Ugly, in one.
Anagram!
2. How Alexander Graham was known to his mates.
Oy! Belly!
1. Holds back the river with his colonies.
A dam is used to hold back the river. Colonies of ants.
Phew.
Next week's link will be easier.
I promise.
Tuesday, 22 February 2022
Conversations With Ben #26: Cowboys, Wrecking Balls & Cheugy Scones
Rol: Was it L'il Nas X?
Nah, he comes round for a chocolate digestive and a cup of lemon and ginger tea on most Wednesdays. Thursday's he's travelling back to Hollywood.
Must have been Billy Ray then.
He did keep going on about his heart. I just called an ambulance, though.
Don't get on the wrong side of him. His family owns a wrecking ball.
Please tell me you get other people to come and teach similes.
How was that a simile? It didn't have like or as.
"I came in *like* a wrecking ball."
They don't own construction equipment.
She is clearly swinging on a huge fucking wrecking ball in the video I've seen. I watched it repeatedly, just to make sure.
I'd guess that it'd be cheaper for the budget if they rented one.
I don't think budget is something the Cyruses worry about.
You should have said, "Don't get on the wrong side of him. His family clearly has the free capital to rent a wrecking ball as and when needed."
I maintain that they have the free capital to *buy* a wrecking ball. Tell me you wouldn't buy a wrecking ball if you could afford one. I know I would.
I think my main concern is storage. I don't want to have to buy a big enough hangar to store it.
It'd probably make sense to turn it into a business.
But then I'd have to employ someone to deal with it.
It's too much hassle.
Rent it. Do the job. Return it.
You just need one of those really big garden boxes. Watch out this weekend, there'll probably be a few flying around.
Pretty sure my neighbour's fence is about to fall over. It's swinging around.
Swingers?
I thought we'd moved on from discussing the wrecking ball?
What does 'scone' rhyme with in your world view?
Cone.
Anything else is clearly wrong.
And they shouldn't be allowed around children.
Wrong answer.
You're just posh and over-privileged. Kind of like the Prince Andrew of Scones.
I'll call the police on you.
Oh yeah? Your mates on the force? Say no more.
Are your employers aware of your stance on this?
My employers are of the opinion that 'gone' is the correct answer. I was treated to a scone with jam and cream today. Although it did have those little bits of crystallised sugar on top, which are also wrong.
Does Louise know?
Louise is on the dark side in this matter. But then she also puts toilet rolls on backwards, so there's no hope.
Let's not start with the toilet roll again.
How can a new album be iconic?
I don't like Charli XCX, nor think she's any good, so that's the first issue I have.
I also think iconic has had a bit of a change of meaning for Gen Z.
I think it means "really cool and unique" or something.
Idiots.
Why?
Language is elastic.
Just because I don't understand it doesn't make it bad.
You're just defending your contemporaries. From a nearly-50 Gen X perspective, everything you weirdos do is wrong.
Alcoholism, teen pregnancy and STI rates plummeted after your generation. Issues like that continue to decrease with Gen Z teaching adulthood. I think things are going OK.
Is most of the above due to the fact that they're all addicted to Internet porn?
Everyone rushes to say how shit kids are, but really, they're improving on the last generation mostly each time.
Spin doctor.
OK, then... define "cheugy".
Pronounced 'choogy'.
I guess phony or poser is the word you might be more familiar with.
Like a try hard.
Isn't there a generational element to it though?
Yeah. I meant the opposite of it. Like it's natural.
Now I'm more confused than I was before I asked you.
So Jarvis Cocker would be cheugy. But every fanboy who tried to look like him would not be. They'd be try hards.
Morrissey isn't cheugy because with him it's calculated.
Tom Waits: cheugy.
Every impersonator: not cheugy.
So cheugy is a compliment!?!
Nope. I've just checked the internet. It's the opposite of what I said.
Tom Waits: not cheugy.
Morrissey: cheugy.
Ha! You aren't down with da kidz!
Old man!
I was right the first time.
I'm a mid millennial.
Not Gen Z.
You're just cheugy.
Sunday, 19 December 2021
Snapshots #220: A Twelve Days Of Christmas Top... erm, Twelve
Here's a member of the Partridge Family. Yesterday, we had Steve Coogan, aka Alan Partridge. I couldn't find a song with Partridge in the title, which almost derailed this quiz. And then I settled on the perfect solution...
12. Alias Harry & Jones.
Harry Lillis "Bing" Crosby Jr. and David Robert Jones.
David Bowie & Bing Crosby - Little Drummer Boy
Twelve drummers drumming...
11. Hayley's boy in Leningrad, as was (mostly).
Hayley's boy was Crispian Mills, the lead singer of Kula Shaker.
Leningrad is now known as St Petersburg.
Crispian St Peters - The Pied Piper
Eleven pipers piping...
10. This would be a royal scandal!
Imagine if Prince George was Harry's son!?!
George Harrison - My Sweet Lord
Check out the new video above, starring Mark Hammill, John Hamm and Weird Al Yankovich, among others. A lot of money was spent on it. I have no idea why.
Ten lords a'leaping...
9. No kilts.
Anagram!
Nine ladies dancing...
8. Bernard Shakey.
When he directs movies, Bernard Shakey is the pseudonym he uses. Honestly. Google it!
Neil Young - A Man Needs A Maid
Eight maids a'milking...
7. Maiden on the Prosecco.
Iron Maiden and some fizzy wine.
Iron & Wine - Swans & The Swimming
Seven swans a'swimming...
6. Express, Trust, Park.
The National Express. The National Trust. The National Park.
Six geese a'laying...
"One main sin" is an anagram.
Five gold rings!
4. Candymen (and women).
Shame on you if you didn't get this one.
(Or maybe shame on you if you did?)
Sweet People - And The Birds Were Singing (Et les oiseaux chantaient)
Can you believe that that got to Number 4 in the charts? In 1980!?
Four calling birds...
3. Shout a Smurf!
Anagram!
Rufus Thomas - The Funky Chicken
Three French hens...
(I think the French are quite funky. Don't you?)
2. Nothing to be scared of.
"Ridicule is nothing to be scared of," sang Adam, in Prince Charming.
Which gives me the opportunity to slip this in...
Prince - When Doves Cry
(That wasn't actually a picture of Prince. But it was a Prince Christmas tree bauble. You can buy them on eBay. Or you might prefer to save your money.)
Two turtle doves...
1. Number One.
And because I couldn't find a song with a partridge in the title, I settled instead for this gentleman.
Andy Partridge.
Andy Partridge in a pear tree.
Here's a seasonal song from the man in question.
And, to close, the very best version of The Twelve Days of Christmas, from Father Jack himself, Frank Kelly...
Saturday Snapshots will return.
Just not next Saturday...
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