However, there's another Army that will be celebrating today, because it's also...
National Tartan Day
"National Tartan Day was created to celebrate Scottish history and the achievements of people of Scottish descent around the world."
There may well be a song that involves the words "Tartan" and "Army", but I'll leave it for CC to feature that one.
Instead, here's a song from a native son of Scotland... and it's the "Tartan Mix", which I assume means they stuck a minute of bagpipes on at the beginning...
...celebrating "a song that has a knack for slipping into people’s heads and staying there, whether it’s sung in a stadium, taught in a classroom, or hummed while doing the dishes."
If only he was in a cage. Sadly, whatever you accuse him of, it won't stick.
Meanwhile, if you're sick of Easter Eggs by now, maybe try a little pasta...
National Carbonara Day
No idea who came up with that genius idea.
"The ideal thing that almost anyone can do on National Carbonara Day is to head out to a favourite Italian restaurant and order up a plate of carbonara pasta."
But surely there aren't any songs about Carbonara?
I met up with my former boss a week or so back. There was a work-related reason to do so, but when I told Ben I was meeting her, he screamed at me through the medium of Whatsapp. Why would I want to see someone who caused me so much grief? Well, for one thing, she's moved on now and isn't working at The Bad Place, and I recognise that the pressure she put me under back then wasn't coming from her, she was but the conduit through which shit rolled downhill from upper management. We were able to talk about that and put it behind us, I think, and that was a positive thing.
But the other reason I was willing to see her is that old maxim about never burning your bridges, particularly when it comes to employment. God willing, I'll never have to go back to work in a college again, but if I ever needed to...
All of which got me thinking about songs involving burning your bridges... or not burning them, as the case may be. Let's kick off with Canadian singer Jack Scott, who Dave Marsh of Rolling Stone once called, "undeniably the greatest Canadian rock and roll singer of all time."
The Cravats came from Redditch in 1977, with lead singers Robin Dallaway and The Shend. Now, I'm trying not to be prejudiced against The Shend because his choice of name is frustratingly reminiscent of that muppet from The Irish Band. Not as Edgy though, which is good. You may be interested to learn that the Cravats are still going strong, minus Dallaway, but with the addition of Rampton Garstang on drums, Joe 91 on bass and Viscount Biscuits on guitar. I think they might be the Viz house band.
Now it way well be that you're not actually burning your bridges to cut ties with people you no longer want to associate with. You might just be burning them to keep warm. In which case, can I suggest a nice Cardigan?
Last week, to prove how uncool I am, I included a song by unfairly-reviled New Jersey rockers Bon Jovi. It proved so popular (especially with Ernie, George and CC) that I thought I'd include another one today.
Collective Soul made a brief appearance on the UK charts (at #80 in 1994) with their debut single Shine, and were never seen again. Meanwhile, in the States, they sold enough records to fill their swimming pools with caviar. This was from the same album as Shine...
Taken from the album "Clint Eastwood Sings His Classics" (!) and the soundtrack of the movie Kelly's Heroes... although in the movie, it was performed by these guys...
Can you guess the track that sprang immediately to mind when I first considered this particular idiom?
Me and my mate Rich loved this song when we were 16. I think Rich loved it in an ironic way, because he had a much cooler taste in music than me. I would say that I loved it in an ironic way too, but given what you know about my shameless taste in music then and now, nobody would believe me. There's something about the sea shanty-esque guitar refrain which is both extremely annoying and a hopeless earworm. Even now, when I listen to it, I think, "you shouldn't like this... it's wrong". But then I can't help smiling at the Quo rock their guitars back and forth in time with the music...
What the world needs now is another tribute to one of the most important musicians of the 20th Century. From his peerless work with lyricist Hal David to later collaborations with Carole Bayer Sager, Neil Diamond and Elvis Costello, Burt Bacharach created an unparalleled songbook of timeless classics. What can I say that hasn't already been said by far more erudite folk than me?
How about sitting back and listening to a few tributes from the Celebrity Jukebox? And who better to start with than... The Quo?!?
Hardly going to beat that, am I?
Maybe not, but I was pleased to find that a number of my favourite artists happily name dropped Burt B. in their lyrics. For example...
I would like to keep this vision Of you intact, When we'd hang around and listen To Bacharach And you loved the world you lived in And it loved you back
It's closing time And the drunks sing some stray lines of Bacharach It's too late now to even out the score You drain the glass and raise your hand for more So I'll take cover while you just take the floor
If you ever need a stranger To sing at your wedding A last minute choice then I am your man I know every song, you name it By Bacharach or David Every stupid love song that's ever touched your heart Every power ballad that's ever climbed the charts
Now that's the kind of room I'd like to fill with Burt Bacharach music The look of love Is in your eyes
Remember when Burt was married to Angie Dickenson Can't you see her Angie's in an evening gown Drinking scotch on the rocks Those rocks are clinking as she walks across the room "The Look of Love" rises from Burt's piano Oh, what a muse!
But oh you could fool me into staying Talking in the corner, hating all the music playing I like the Rockmes and Bacharach And I'd happily burn a playlist with an explanation Track for track
Meet me in the backwoods, we're going after dark We're digging a hole in the ground, there's no need to worry at all You ask too many questions like, "who's it for?" etcetera C'mon, you must know you're already gone Just think back to Bacharach & chocolate-covered strawberries Since you seem to think it's our only good memory You say you've been done around here No need to repeat, you've made it perfectly clear That you're already gone
All of which leads us back to where we started, songs that mention Burt in the title. Can anyone compete with the Quo? You decide...
Today's best discovery comes from "Withington's Burt Bacharach", Chris Keaney and his Electric Lovehandles. Let's just say that bandcamp purchases ensued. This is proving an expensive feature for me...
Now, I have to admit I get a bit rankled by Talk Talk, so when my millennial hipster politico friend, Ben, also suggested this one, I might have snapped.
You're not part of that whole "Spirit of Eden is the greatest album in the history of recorded music" conspiracy, are you? (Both Guy Garvey and Huey Morgan are among the disciples of this particular cult.)
My millennial hipster politico friend, Ben, replied:
It's a key album in the development of post-rock music. The blueprints are there but I don't think they knew what to do with it properly.
This turned into a whole argument with me railing against the very concept of "post rock" and Ben quoting Mogwai and post-metal and Math rock and me saying I'd rather listen to Twisted Sister. It got ugly. But there are worse ways to spend a Friday afternoon.
She's still thinking about this when the bus goes passed caroline lee's house where there was a party last week. There were some german exchange students there who were very mature; they all ended up jumping out of the bedroom window. One of them tried to get her to kiss him on the stairs, so she kicked him. Later she was sick because she drunk too much cider. Caroline was drunk as well; she was pretending she was married to a tall boy in glasses, and she had to wear a polo-neck for three days afterwards to cover up the love-bite on her neck.
That was a very strong contender, partly because it scratches my "short stories in songs" itch and partly because it was the first Pulp song I ever fell in love with. But I guess I had to save it for Our Top Ten Susan Songs.
My name is Caroline Cell phone number here, call if you have the time Twenty-eight and bored, grieving over loss Sorry to be heavy, but heavy is the cost Heavy is the cost
Which, if I ever get round to completing it, will be a strong contender for Number One in My Top Ten Lonely Hearts Column Songs. Although it will obviously be up again Rupert Holmes.
Also on the lyrical side of things, strong calls from Walter...
I am enthused to be able to introduce you to another strong Canadian contender here!
If your willing to stretch out a little into the Country realm (as I believe by your other selections you are on occasion) my collection yields up the somewhat shocking voice of Colter Wall, from Saskatchewan (that's prairie town, Canada style if you are not up on your Canadian geography, the heart of Canadian Country music). A little test? See if you too, like the Proclaimers, "can say "Saskatchewan" without starting to stutter..." Anyway, give a listen to his song "Caroline" from 2015, and see if you can believe that the lad had barely turned 20 at the time of recording that song.
No, he certainly doesn't sound 20. I have heard Ricky Ross playing Colter on his Radio Scotland Country show, but I hadn't heard this one. It's utterly bewitching though. Thanks, Douglas.
Can't argue with this suggestion from John Medd. How many other songs can you think of where the roses smell like poo poo?
Caroline (Caroline) Caroline All the guys would say she's mighty fine (mighty fine) But mighty fine only got you somewhere half the time And the other half either got you cussed out, or coming up short
Born in the very same year Alive at a similar time It gave me something small that I could feel That maybe as you grew, you knew how I'd feel And Caroline and I knew how you'd feel Rattled through our teenage years Battled and loved who we fought The first time you left home on your own I knew A little bit of you is gone when you do And Caroline and I well we grew, well that's true Caroline and I
You've beaten me to it C, as that was the song I would have suggested. I think I discovered it from one of the other blogs a couple of years ago and was blown away it - there isa great YouTube clipwith loads of '60s/'70s scenes in black and white which brings always brings on an overwhelming sense of nostalgia when I watch it: just matches the sound of the song so well.
Spot on C, an absolute beauty. Another Robert Wyatt tune at least partially inspired by Caroline Coon (as well as Carla Bley and Marsha Hunt) is 'To Carla, Marsha and Caroline(For Making Everything Beautifuller)' from his 1970 LP 'The End of an Ear'. Not sure if Rol will allow that though.
That may bend the Song For Whoever rule, Swede, but it is quite lovely. Matching Mole for the win though... if only there weren't such stiff competition this week.
Martin and Rigid Digit both picked this for Number One. I respect that. But sometimes there's just no competition.
Now I lie here with you, can't get her out my head
Do you think she knows that you share my bed
Well, I don't want to see Caroline
Don't want to see her face when she finds out you're mine
How could a friend be so unkind
Well, I don't want to see Caroline
1. Neil Diamond - Sweet Caroline
There are those of you who may not like Sweet Caroline, and I don't often say this, because everyone is entitled to their opinion and it's all subjective and opinions are like arseholes... but you're wrong.
Sweet Caroline has a wistful nostalgia about it. It starts small but grows and then explodes. This is where Nirvana got the whole quiet quiet LOUD thing from. And best of all, it has the "Der der ders!" which even Bublé can't beat. I'm really sad if you don't like it because when I'm down, Sweet Caroline can pick me up like virtually no other song.
Good times never seemed so good...
My millennial hipster politico friend, Ben, says...
"Also, if you do Sweet Caroline, make it the Hoff version or Me First & The Gimme Gimmes."
...which just goes to show you, there really is little hope for the youth of today.
If this is published
it must mean that no-one else wants to write for Rol. So the poor bloke has
three choices: (1) accept more drivel from me, (2) not post anything leaving Thursday
blank (just as Len Shackleton did in the chapter of his autobiography devoted
to football directors’ knowledge of football), or (3) write something himself.
I am titling this My
Top Ten “Mary Magdalene” Songs. My partner informed me that my belief about
Mary Magdalene is incorrect, so I am rather scurrilously repeating, well,
implying, a falsehood. Anyway, maybe after this Top Ten you will be able work
out what they all have in common.
First, from the only
album I’ve ever had autographed by a member of the band. Actually, that’s not
true, the one I got signed, I then swapped with my friend Euan. He wanted that
signature. He was more into his Metal For Muthas thing than I was, I think I
just got caught up in the hysteria in I&N’s record shop in Dundee and
bought the album. I’ve just pulled the album out, next to Iron Butterfly,
and it’s signed by the author (Dave Murray) of the song
Some songs have a very
off-putting title. For me the title suggests some sort of crappy nursery rhyme
song. Well, once I got beyond the (idiotic) title, I discovered a great soul
song, when sung by O. C. Smith.
It’s also a country
song, in the hands of, amongst others Sanford Clark.
I bought this single in Woolies in Broughty Ferry, after a visit to the
dentist (whose surgery was literally across the road). About 27 years later I
bought the album, which I’ve played no more than 5 times, I suspect three
times, and the third was due to this article.
And from an album
that easily meets that fine category of Second Is Better Than First. I got it
for £1. And that was £1 better spent than on the atrocious Pictures At An
Exhibition. It was a great song in 1979 and it still sounds great
(I had no idea what this song was actually about. - Rol.)
And where would a Top
Ten list be without The Tull. Every collection should have one of their albums.
From a concept album about the distinction between religion and god. They just
don’t make records like this anymore. Well, they do, Big Big Train (fronted by
a lovely bloke, ex-colleague of mine) are into prog. concept albums in a big
big way.
Best ‘til last. It’s
the only song of The Quo’s I like. And I really like this. In some places I
believe it’s illegal to not play this loudly.
The allegedly hardest
boy in my year group in secondary school was a big Quo fan. So he
scratched the band name on a desk. Well, he actually scratched Status Que.
We (i.e. my group of friends) were too scared of him to take the piss to
his face.
And here’s Mary
Magdalene in action!
(That's the second time George has inflicted Jesus Christ, Superstar on us. I blame Charity Chic for this.)
Songs that came close
were two offerings by Elton John. When he was good, namely Island Girl and
Sweet Painted Ladies. I also considered Trick Of The Light by The Who, which
came very close to replacing Morrissey. And NO! Nothing by The Police, it’s a
terrible song.
(When George asked me about doing this Top Ten, I encourage him to take the piss out of Sting more than that, Then again, Sting does a good enough job of that himself, I guess. And these guys do an even better job... right down to the cod-reggae.)
Thanks to Rol for
posting this. I suppose you all know what the theme was, but I did not want to
use any risque words for those of you doing what you should be doing, i.e. reading
this at work. And now I’m feeling slightly foolish as song number 6 blows that
out of the water.
I'd like to thank George for another excellent contribution to Guest Post Thursday. I actually thought I'd done a Top Ten Prostitute Songs at some point in the past, but it must have been one of those I never got round to finishing. George did an excellent job on what could be our last Guest Post Thursday...
Welcome back to the Hot 100. And please be upstanding for Brian...
I will count on seeing American power-pop band 20/20 as the art on the top of the next post in this series... preferably from their first single or their first album. Don't let me down, Rol!
Now, I have to admit I'd never heard of this lot before, but I knew Brian wouldn't let me down.
Here's the thing, Alyson... nothing is for everyone, and the stuff that is (or is supposed to be) is usually rubbish. I liked all those, but I think I preferred the version by The Stargazers.
By this point, I'm starting to wonder if some of you have just made a list of artists who are frequently featured on this blog and then gone looking for appropriately numbered songs. Oh, wait, here's someone who has blatantly done just that. It's Douglas McLaren...
So the consensus above seems to put T-Rex in as front-runners and obvious favourites. And I admit I too, had I not been late to the game, would have suggested the same, with perhaps Elvis Costello as an outside chance and Pet Shop Boys as a dark horse.
T-Rex? Has someone suggested a T-Rex song? Not that one The Swede mentioned, surely? Sorry, Douglas, I interrupted your monologue...
But as I am late to the game, I am going to put forward not just another choice, but one which I am sure you will see has the power of research, reason, and persuasive logic behind it. For starters, I have observed a long running tendency for our esteemed blogger to shy away from obvious front runners to surprise with some surprise underdogs. Consider, for example, a couple weeks ago when all were putting heavy money on Gene Pitney for #24, and up came Half Man Half Biscuit. I argue that T-Rex supporters going all in for a dead cert face possible extinction if there is a meteoric rise of some new kid on the Cretaceous block. So who might that be? If you were thinking Elvis, the King (and who better than a King to dethrone the Tyrant-Lizard?) you are wrong. I have just the candidate for you: George Jones. Before you scoff, consider this: Research shows that George has been undergoing a slow and steady upsurge in popularity within the pages of this fine blog. The "Search" box at the top reveals that his first appearance ever here was as an 8th place finish on April 15th, 2013, with "The World Worst Loser", in a Top Ten about "Losers". Before you chortle indeed and mutter something about the title being prophetic, or get off a wry comment that losing in a contest of Losers doesn't really make you a winner, wait for what comes next. George had a comeback the following year by teaming up with Tammy Wynette, always a wise strategy. That time, on January 6th, 2014, it was a 7th place finish with "I've Seen Better"...marginal improvement, you say? Well, improvement nonetheless and it gave him the confidence to try again, and this time, with all in for a placing. It took him a few years (his age slowing him, I suppose) but it was worth it; on April 19th, 2018, it was "The Race Is On" (ironically in a Top Ten about Horse Racing) that landed him in the Winner's Circle with a strong 2nd Place showing in a Top Ten appropriately about the races. And that was it. George could smell victory, and there was no stopping him. He spent the next year in training, eating nothing but Wheaties and working out like a man half his age. It was Stallone in Rocky XIII (am I up to date???) all over again. Avid readers will know that the payoff came just last week. And this would be big...not just some local, "best of show" Top Ten victory. George had his sights set higher. He wanted a win in one of the big time circuits, and he had his hopes pinned on a Saturday Snapshots #1 placing, and, miracle of miracles, just a few days ago, he came through with "He Stopped Loving Her Today". You saw it with your own eyes. But having tasted victory, George now wants more. What, he asked himself, would be better that a Saturday Snapshot win? What giddy heights could he aspire to now with a fairy tale finish to his Cinderella story in these hallowed pages? It took some thought, but then...by George, he had it! He would take the first spot in the final 20 countdown of the Hot 100. Let the younger kids have the final weeks (by Gad, he hoped it would not be U2 with "One"!). But he would show there was life in the old boy by having #20 all to himself. It had to be. He was made for this. He shuffled through his back catalogue, his memory stirred by a half-forgotten title. He rummaged for a few moments, past the big shiny hits, under the sleeper successes, and yes, there it was! And out he pulled... George Jones - I've Aged Twenty Years in Five Take that, T-Rex. (mike drops)
Wow. What can I say, Douglas, except that if you've spent such a (scarily) long amount of time researching this blog, there's one thing you must know for sure... Bono doesn't stand a chance.
OK, before we get on to the rather obvious winner, I have a confession to make. There were so many 20 songs in my collection (many of them mentioned above, many not), I didn't even have time to listen to them, let alone link to them. Here are the edited highlights...
I'm starting with that one because I have featured it here before as a Mid-Life Crisis Song. In that post I mentioned how Mark Kozelek wrote the song about Johnny Saint-Lethal, the lead singer of a little-known American guitar band called The Show. And do you know what, JSL actually left a comment in return... although for some reason, that has disappeared from the blog. Fortunately, I have it saved in my inbox, so here's what he said:
"I took Mark's writing the song about my book and I as a stunning nod. I think, however, if you had read the collection (as Mark actually did... please see "1983 MTV Era Music...") you would see the honesty in which it was written. Not at all a know-it-all. Quite the contrary. If you can find a copy (there's only 1100), you might enjoy it and view me differently. I speak to you from the "grave" though. I put JSL to death a couple years ago. RIP. Next chapter. Be well. Bless you all."
Thank you for that, Johnny, and I wish you well. I'm genuinely sorry if it seemed like I was judging you though - the post was meant to be more of a judgement of miserable, middle-aged gits like Kozelek and myself and how we secretly miss being 20-something and are jealous of anyone who still is.
I think.
Anyway, back to a few more selected 20 Songs from my hard-drive...
However, sometimes you just can't deny the inevitable.
And so we have to give this week's prize to Charity Chic as he was first to suggest it.
Some guitar riffs are so powerful, they blow everything else off the field...
Of course, this does mean that CC has now won two weeks in a row. Can he make it a hat-trick? I mean, next week is 19. Shall we just skip that and call it too easy a win?
Or will we all be surprised by a rank outsider?
To be honest, I haven't even started looking yet. So feel free to surprise me...
UPDATE: NO 19 SONGS WILL BE ALLOWED WHERE THE 19 IS PART OF A DATE IN THE 20TH CENTURY.
