Conversations With Ben #7: Cover Me

 

Link to above news story.

Ben: Well that's a win win for everyone.

Rol: I'd rather watch James any day of the week.

Exactly. It's like he's retaliating but it's turned out better.

Taking his mask off to spite his face.

On my Spotify random bit, a Darkness cover of Street Spirit (Fade Out) came up. Possibly a contender for the worst cover song ever.

Worse than Mark Ronson's cover of Stop Me?

Similar lines. Like how in Stop Me you can hear how it might be a dance song but one of the good things about it is it's restraint. Similarly, Street Spirit sounds like it could be a bombastic metal song but shouldn't.

Is that Darkness cover as bad as this...?

I opened that, saw the thumbnail and now refuse to watch it.

You know you want to. 3am. Save it for 3am.

To be fair, I only listened to 3 seconds of it before sending it to you.

Or what about Duran Duran doing 911 Is  A Joke?

Willie Nelson just did an album of Sinatra covers. That is sublime.

It's not Danzig doing Elvis, though.

And no covers album can ever come close to Strange Little Girls by Tori Amos so no one should try.

Actually  that is my favourite Tori Amos record.

And so it should be.

Mark Kozelek Sings Favourites?

Anything post Red House Painters should be ignored.

He's like Coldplay for pitchfork.

No.

You are wrong.

And to prove it, he has released 3 new records since your last comment.

Each one, a more generic beige than the last.

He is the king of grumpy old bastards.

It's performance art.

Like putting his diary out on record.

Not for everyone, but I get a lot out of listening to him ramble on about dead skunks in his yard.

It comforts me.

Look, a visual representation of Mark Kozelek's music...

You're just upsetting me now.

Try Death Grips, they're comforting.

Try the song Guillotine. It genuinely induces a sense of seasickness.

I don't want to feel seasick. I feel sick all the time anyway.

They're performance art. Like genuine performance art.

I only hope that when you're my age, Sufjan is putting out records like Kozelek is now. You'll get it then.

Sufjan will always put out records. And they'll always be amazing. And he'll one day finish the other 48 state albums.

Go away now. You're interrupting my crying myself to sleep. With Kozelek.

Try the new Julien Baker album for real cry to sleep music.

You keep missing the point. I don't want music that makes me cry. I want music that takes my mind off the crying.

Black Lace?

I just found a worse cover version than any we've named so far...

I dunno, The Sound Of Silence cover by Disturbed is very bad.

And then there's RHCP with Brandy and Higher Ground.

The whole of The Spaghetti Incident by Guns 'n' Roses.

Since I Don't Have You was OK. Although the video is dreadful, even by Axl standards.

I just spent 5 minutes investigating Sting and Shaggy duets on youtube. Sadly no covers.

When I was a teen, this compilation album started that is still going. Punk goes pop. It's not bad but incredibly mediocre. Very cut and paste pop punk covers.

I miss AV undercover club.

Alien Ant Farm's version of Smooth Criminal now sounds better than the original.

Did they do AV undercover?

No idea. But it seemed in the right area.

It was very varied. Wang Chung did Modest Mouse, it was great. Punch Brothers covered Reptilia. Lots of stuff.

Pinball Wizard... The Who or Elton?

Elton.

Despite being raised on Mod music, I do not understand the love for The Who.Great riffs, awful songs.

I spent a full two weeks listening exclusively to Isle of Wight and still didn't get it

Love me some Elton, though. And the Elton John biopic is the best biopic out there.

I like The Who. But you chose right. Elton brings a manic nature to the song that takes it to another level.

My dad, who is now 91 and so grew up with Sinatra, pre-pop music, and has never had any interest in any pop music... had a brief flickering of interest in The Who a few years ago because he liked all the CSI theme songs. Then he caught a bit of them playing Glastonbury and changed his mind.

You really need to watch Joe Pera. There's an episode where he discovers Baba O'Reilly...

Yes. You showed me that. I just couldn't find the show anywhere.

Just checked, Joe Pera on All4. 10 minute episodes. Gentle and honest. Literally the perfect Covid comedy.

Seasonal Snapshots II - The Answers

When you first took my hand on a cold Christmas Eve, you promised me the answers to Saturday Snapshots... well, here they are.

Congratulations to Reading's Rigid Digit who took the star on the top of the tree this year. Sterling effort from Chris, the runner up, from Denmark. Thanks also to Brian from the U.S. and Deano from Australia for coming along and solving the ones nobody else could - truly an international effort! Cheers and happy Christmas to all the other regulars. Thanks for playing.

To help you enjoy the festivities, here's 25 tunes to play on Christmas morning and get you in the mood... handily compiled into a playlist should you wish to listen to them all while you're basting your turkeys...


25. Richard Tea? Dai Jestive? Gary Baldy? Don't be so trite!

Rich Tea. Di-Gestive. GariBaldy. All half men, half biscuits.

Half Man Half Biscuit - It's Cliched To Be Cynical At Christmas

24. Follow this to Bethlehem to find the answer.

Big Star - Jesus Christ

23. Sweet rejoicing in mature meadow.

A mature meadow would be an old field.

Sweet rejoicing in Latin would be...

Mike Oldfield - In Dulci Jubilo

22. Holding up knickers with A Greater Doxology.

Knickers are held up by elastic. Elastic with A makes...

The Greater Doxology is another name for Gloria in excelsis Deo...

Elastica - Gloria

21. Spousal present dilemma solved by wet bloke and old king.

Wet bloke = Waterman

Old King Cole

George Cole & Dennis Waterman (aka "Arfur" Daley & Terry McCann) - What're We Gonna Get For Christmas For 'Er Indoors?

20. Making a festive killing.

Because Slayed = killed, and because Noddy Holder makes a million quid from this song every year, apparently.

Slade - Merry Christmas Everyone

19. Shrunken Santa on the sands.

The Beach Boys - Little Saint Nick

18. Long before Mariah: I still need to give you that dollar.

Mariah sang "All I Want For Christmas Is You".

You owe me a buck.

Buck Owens - All I Want For Christmas Dear Is You

17. Jesus's crown found amid the decorations.

Jesus had a crown of thorns.

Tracy Thorn - Tinsel & Lights

16. Wan waterfalls wish you a blessed Noel.

Pale Fountains - Benoit's Christmas

("Benoit" is an archaic French word for blessed.)

15. W.S. & Arthur did not dream like Frank. O!

Gilbert O'Sullivan - I'm Not Dreaming Of A White Christmas

14. Eddie's Italian restaurant date gets spruced up in Cooper's jeans.

In Billy Joel's Scenes From An Italian Restaurant, Brenda and Eddie were going steady.

Lee Cooper.

Brenda Lee - Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree

13. Former house-painter enjoys festive peanuts.

Mark Kozelek's old band were the Red House Painters.

This song is a cover version of the famous song from the Charlie Brown Christmas Special.

Mark Kozelek - Christmas Time Is Here

12. Colorado native begs for festive tem-pa-rance.

Denver, Colorado.

John Denver - Please, Daddy, Don't Get Drunk This Christmas

11. Will his sleigh contain snowflakes or diamonds this year?

The Crystals - Santa Claus Is Coming To Town

10. Ta for an ecstatic yule.

XTC - Thanks For Christmas

9. Pine delivery for Homerski.

Red Simpson - Truckin' Trees For Christmas

8. Bald, golden harpies invite you back for an egg nog at their place.

The Eagles - Please Come Home For Christmas

7. Lazy ocean brags about bellowing at baubles.

Lazy = idle. Billy Ocean / Bragg.

Billy Idol - Yelling At The Christmas Tree

6. Queens start computer programmes like a Jack-Hammer.

Computers start with Run.

Jack Dee.

MC Hammer.

Hollis is in Queens.

Run DMC - Christmas In Hollis

5. No little stars twinkling tonight... just a neverending clanging.

The Darkness - Christmas Time (Don't Let The Bells End)

4. Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, he walks into mine... but he's a few days early.

Quote from Casablanca, obviously.

Julian Casablancas - I Wish It Was Christmas Today (oh, now it is!)

3. Refusing #8's offer, with eyes closed 26 x 7.

The Eagles sang "Please Come Home For Christmas" at #8.

This is Blink 182's reply...

Blink 182 - I Won't Be Home For Christmas

2. That's a long way to go for a phoney (even a great one).

The Pretenders weren't phoneys, but they were Great Pretenders.

The Pretenders - 2000 Miles

1. Huey's future hit stolen by Sinatra movie.

Huey Lewis's hit from Back To The Future was The Power of Love.

I'll protect you from the Hooded Claw...

Happy Christmas. Thanks for being there this year. It's appreciated.

My Top Ten One Way Songs

There is only one way you'll get into this Top Ten (and it ain't "My Way"... or the highway).


10. The Darkness - One Way Ticket To Hell & Back

To anyone who considers The Darkness a one-joke band whose joke isn't funny anymore... take the ticket above, with my love.

See also One Way Ticket by Carrie Underwood, who, Louise took great pleasure in informing me the other day, started her career as a winner on American Idol. The fact that proper songwriters and genres other than pop were allowed on that show sets it streets ahead of The X-Factor in my books. Not that I'd have watched it... but it's good to see an artist as strong as Ms. Underwood come out of it. The best we've managed in this country is Ollie Murs...

9. The Allman Brothers - One Way Out

It's amazing that the Allman Brothers are still going, considering all the tragedy in their past. Some top guitar playing on show here. 

8. Skint & Demoralised - One Way Traffic

And like a street lined with litter on a Sunday morning  
You left me bitter; left me with no warning 
You had to go...and left me thinking, did you have to go?  
And then you sent me a text, and I was desperate to reply 
But to tell you that I'm happy, would have been a desperate lie 
And every time I talk to you, I struggle not to cry 
I still adore you, and I'm sure I should ignore you... 
And these lists of problems, seem to come without thinking 
Almost like they've been rehearsed, and I can feel my heart sinking...

Good to see Matt Abbott has a new S&D album out right now. Check it out here.

7. Dexys Midnight Runners - One Way Love

From the days when Kevin Rowland sang like an unintelligible drunk at a karaoke machine. And yet, he was (and still is) amazing.

Giving Kevin a run for his money in the pub singer states is lead Tinderstick Stuart Staples. See their One Way Street for a top example.

6. The Clint Boon Experience - Only One Way I Can Go

Class tune from Mr. Boon, available to download free from his website (if you can handle .ram files).

5. Bruce Springsteen - One Way Street

Back in the late 70s, Bruce recorded enough unreleased music to fill a couple of box sets, but legal issues and a crazed sense of quality control kept most of it unheard. This finally saw the light of day on the The Promise back in 2010... it was worth the wait.

4. Karine Polwart - Only One Way

My favourite KP song... and yes, Department of the Peculiar fans, this is where I stole one of my character's names.

And when a genocidal maniac talks about grief
And you kinda get the feeling that there’s nothing underneath
But you can’t believe a man would lie through such nice teeth
There's only one way 

3. Blur - There's No Other Way

See, if there's no other way... there must only be one way.

It's easy to forget that long before Britpop, Blur were baggy. If you want a good laugh, check out Damon's haircut in this video... 

2. Blondie - One Way Or Another

She's gonna get you, get you, get you, get you...

While not in the same class as Debbie, I always had a soft spot for Sophie Ellis Bextor's version too...

1. The Levellers - One Way 

Reminds me of being a young man... as so many of these songs end up doing. I hope to be able to share these songs with my own son... though I have a terrible feeling he'll rebel against his old dad and end up liking dance music, blingy r 'n' b or U2...

There's only one way of life - and that's your own!

Which is your one way? (And anyone who suggests One Direction...hang your head in shame.)