Conversations With Ben #7: Cover Me

 

Link to above news story.

Ben: Well that's a win win for everyone.

Rol: I'd rather watch James any day of the week.

Exactly. It's like he's retaliating but it's turned out better.

Taking his mask off to spite his face.

On my Spotify random bit, a Darkness cover of Street Spirit (Fade Out) came up. Possibly a contender for the worst cover song ever.

Worse than Mark Ronson's cover of Stop Me?

Similar lines. Like how in Stop Me you can hear how it might be a dance song but one of the good things about it is it's restraint. Similarly, Street Spirit sounds like it could be a bombastic metal song but shouldn't.

Is that Darkness cover as bad as this...?

I opened that, saw the thumbnail and now refuse to watch it.

You know you want to. 3am. Save it for 3am.

To be fair, I only listened to 3 seconds of it before sending it to you.

Or what about Duran Duran doing 911 Is  A Joke?

Willie Nelson just did an album of Sinatra covers. That is sublime.

It's not Danzig doing Elvis, though.

And no covers album can ever come close to Strange Little Girls by Tori Amos so no one should try.

Actually  that is my favourite Tori Amos record.

And so it should be.

Mark Kozelek Sings Favourites?

Anything post Red House Painters should be ignored.

He's like Coldplay for pitchfork.

No.

You are wrong.

And to prove it, he has released 3 new records since your last comment.

Each one, a more generic beige than the last.

He is the king of grumpy old bastards.

It's performance art.

Like putting his diary out on record.

Not for everyone, but I get a lot out of listening to him ramble on about dead skunks in his yard.

It comforts me.

Look, a visual representation of Mark Kozelek's music...

You're just upsetting me now.

Try Death Grips, they're comforting.

Try the song Guillotine. It genuinely induces a sense of seasickness.

I don't want to feel seasick. I feel sick all the time anyway.

They're performance art. Like genuine performance art.

I only hope that when you're my age, Sufjan is putting out records like Kozelek is now. You'll get it then.

Sufjan will always put out records. And they'll always be amazing. And he'll one day finish the other 48 state albums.

Go away now. You're interrupting my crying myself to sleep. With Kozelek.

Try the new Julien Baker album for real cry to sleep music.

You keep missing the point. I don't want music that makes me cry. I want music that takes my mind off the crying.

Black Lace?

I just found a worse cover version than any we've named so far...

I dunno, The Sound Of Silence cover by Disturbed is very bad.

And then there's RHCP with Brandy and Higher Ground.

The whole of The Spaghetti Incident by Guns 'n' Roses.

Since I Don't Have You was OK. Although the video is dreadful, even by Axl standards.

I just spent 5 minutes investigating Sting and Shaggy duets on youtube. Sadly no covers.

When I was a teen, this compilation album started that is still going. Punk goes pop. It's not bad but incredibly mediocre. Very cut and paste pop punk covers.

I miss AV undercover club.

Alien Ant Farm's version of Smooth Criminal now sounds better than the original.

Did they do AV undercover?

No idea. But it seemed in the right area.

It was very varied. Wang Chung did Modest Mouse, it was great. Punch Brothers covered Reptilia. Lots of stuff.

Pinball Wizard... The Who or Elton?

Elton.

Despite being raised on Mod music, I do not understand the love for The Who.Great riffs, awful songs.

I spent a full two weeks listening exclusively to Isle of Wight and still didn't get it

Love me some Elton, though. And the Elton John biopic is the best biopic out there.

I like The Who. But you chose right. Elton brings a manic nature to the song that takes it to another level.

My dad, who is now 91 and so grew up with Sinatra, pre-pop music, and has never had any interest in any pop music... had a brief flickering of interest in The Who a few years ago because he liked all the CSI theme songs. Then he caught a bit of them playing Glastonbury and changed his mind.

You really need to watch Joe Pera. There's an episode where he discovers Baba O'Reilly...

Yes. You showed me that. I just couldn't find the show anywhere.

Just checked, Joe Pera on All4. 10 minute episodes. Gentle and honest. Literally the perfect Covid comedy.

My Top Ten Thirteen Songs

Happy New Year from Top Ten Towers!

So, it's Two Thousand Thirteen, or Twenty Thirteen, or Another Bloody Miserable Year... whatever you choose to call it. Thirteen's traditionally an unlucky number... but then again, considering the world was supposed to end in '12, we're already starting ahead of the game.

Happy New Year to you anyway - may 2013 bring you all your heart desires... or, at the very least, ten great songs with the number 13 in the title...

(Special mention to Thirteen Senses and the marvellous Thirteenth Floor Elevators.)



10. Big Audio Dynamite - V. Thirteen

The last song Mick Jones and Joe Strummer ever wrote together sounds, unsurprisingly, like The Clash playing one final concert in Sodom and Gomorrah.

 Sodom and Gomorrah? This is London, guv.

9. Ann Margret - 13 Men

When the H-bomb goes off, Ann Margret finds herself the only girl in town... with 13 blokes in hot pursuit.

Uh, there were two men every morning
A-seein' that I was well fed
And believ-a you me, one sweetened my tea
While the other one a-buttered my bread

Simon Armitage and the Scaremongers recorded a song with the same title, but that was a tribute to a local Rugby League team... and sadly, it's not online anywhere for me to play it for you.

8. The Delgados - Thirteen Gliding Principles

Look what you've left me, your bottles of camomile
funny old phrases and outdated style

Does camomile come in bottles north of the border? Down here, we get it in bags.

7. The Pixies - No. 13 Baby

In which Frank Black meets a six foot, sweaty lass with XIII tattooed on her tit.

If man is 5, the devil is 6 and God is 7... what the hell's 13?

6. Johnny Cash - Thirteen

Johnny Cash covers Glenn Danzig. Now there's something I never thought I'd hear... and yet, it works beautifully.

5. Pink - Conversations with My 13 Year Old Self

Obviously Pink remembers what it feels like to be 13 - she's hardly grown up since. If you're a 13 year old Pink fan, this will obviously offer you some comfort... good luck in growing up like your heroine though.

4. Elvis Costello - 13 Steps Lead Down

One of many classic Costello songs I fell in love with despite having zero idea what it was all about.

When nobody knows, she puts on secret clothes
And lies in her splendour for a picture opportunity
Cover up that bruise, put on patent leather shoes
Just stop playing that bad mood music

Still don't.

3. The Cure - The 13th

In which Mad Bob McMad falls asleep watching telly... and has some typically bonkers dreams.

2. Ooberman - 13

Dan Popplewell spends the majority of this song wishing he was still 13. And then he changes his mind...

Do you remember rounders on the top field? 
Playing 'three and in' in your Dunlop Green Flash? 
Getting chucked in the park lake by the thick lads on the way back from school? 
Actually when I think about it, when I was 13 I was a deeply unpopular child... 
13... Thank God I'm not 13... 

1. Big Star - Thirteen

Alex Chilton, on the other hand, recaptures the crazy, confusing, combustible feeling of being a newly-heeled teenager with one of his most simple yet heart-wrenching ballads...

Won't you let me walk you home from school?
Won't you let me meet you at the pool?
Maybe Friday I can
Get tickets for the dance
And I'll take you.

Those were my favourite 13 songs. Which one gives you triskaidekaphobia?