Wednesday, 10 March 2021

Mid-Life Crisis Songs #62: Why I Hate HR

The above image represents what the HR department thinks of us all. 

Do you remember when HR used to be known as Personnel? A word that contained people (person) and suggested personal. Human Resources does neither. It categorises human beings as though they were stationery or toilet roll. More the latter, actually, considering how most employers treat their employees these days.

I could write a book on this, if my job hadn't killed any remaining spark of creativity. And if it hadn't all been said before by far smarter people than me. 

However, he's a recent anecdote that sums up Human Resources for me.

A colleague was employed on a 0.5 contract, but is looking to up his hours. My boss suggested we might offer him some VH (variable hours) work until a full time post becomes available. She went to HR so that they could draw up a VH contract. They asked her - and she asked me - how many hours he will be working.

I said there was a clue in the name of the role we were offering him.

But HR still wanted us to name a set number of hours...

Absolutely obsolete
Please shut the door and take a seat
We're sad to say that you're completely
Absolutely obsolete

Absolutely obsolete
We know that you'll land on your feet
Clear out your desk and leave discreetly
Absolutely obsolete

If I could only turn the clock back to a better time
When the world was black and white
And we all had roles to play
Now it's all just shades of grey

I'm obsolete

1 comment:

  1. Indeed - It was the beginning of the end when Personnel changed to Human Resources, a horrible term. As someone who used to work on the “numbers” side of things, blame the payroll system - A cell that is set up to only accept a number goes ballistic when you try and input a word like variable. But, the computers have taken over the world, and our very souls (but we’ve let them).


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