Tuesday, 16 March 2021

Conversations With Ben #8: Pink Custard

Ben sends me this link.

Rol: Why?

I remember being round at my next door neighbours, taping this song off one cassette onto another.

Thanks. I've got you sharing The Smurfs and Sam making me listen to Baby Shark. As if life wasn't bad enough.

Show him the Smurfs Go Pop album.

I think I'll stick with making him listen to the Guardians of the Galaxy soundtrack again.

I would have thought you were post cassette.

No way, one of my favourite toys as a kid was the Talkboy (TM). It's the thing Kevin has on Home Alone 2 where you can speed up or slow down the playback.

From Tiger Electronics. 

I just used to put a penny on the LP.

I also have a lot of cassettes now.

Of course. Because pointless tat comes with Hipsterdom.

Is that slang for going to the toilet?

What, pointless tat? I'll have you know I have very good direction.

You can get plenty of tapes on eBay for dirt cheap.

I got the Mark and Lard one.



Their Stan pissstake is hilarious. Tony.

People do big clear outs. There's never any bidding wars or anything.

I've just started buying up cheap CDs I used to own, then sold when I was skint (and CDs still had value). Now I can get them for a couple of quid each.

My tape player is French as well.

Of course it is.

I donated all my CDs about 5 years ago. 

I know. But I'm never going to be able to afford a vinyl collection and I even sold my turntable. CDs are now the cheapest option... except for anything released in the last 2-3 years which is extortionate and never drops in price.

Whereas I don't have anything to play CDs on. Even the laptops in our house don't have CD compartments.

I did buy one of those things that lets you convert old cassettes into mp3s. I've just never had time to use it. I also have lots of old mini-discs that I have a similar intention for.

Mini discs skipped my generation. They were too expensive and by the time we were old enough to buy them, the MP3 players were out. 

[They were only a thing for about 3 and a half minutes. But it was when I worked in radio, and we were convinced they were the future after they replaced reel to reel.

I bought a Zune with my first pay cheque.


What? The Zune rocked. It was indestructible.

What did it do?

Played mp3s. With the most unintuitive user interface ever.

I bought a CD player with my first pay packet. Then spent ages taping CDs so listen to in my dad's car. I taped Diamonds & Pearls, the album, when I got it. Put it on repeat to fill the C90. Only I'd pressed repeat one track only. So driving to work that night, I listened to 40 minutes of Thunder. It took me ages to realise what I'd done. I just thought Prince had recorded a reeeeeeally long song.

I bought a CD player by skipping eating lunch at school for three weeks so I could use the lunch money to buy it. £20 Alba CD player.

That sounds like a plot from Grange Hill. They'd call in a social worker if you did that nowadays.

Most kids at my school didn't eat at lunch. There was a McDonald's at the end of the road and we were near the city centre so most kids saved it as we couldn't leave during lunch.

So you just sat in the playground and watched the drive-by shootings...

It was a Catholic school so it was a few stabbings. And a lot of teenage sex.

But you all felt very guilty afterwards.

The guilt was ever present. You knew you'd fucked up when you got sent to see Fr Adrian over the assistant principals.

To be fair, he was a nice guy.

Just made you do a lot of prayers.

Perfect song for you...

Settle a debate.

Pink custard at school.

It was just pink, not strawberry flavoured, yeah?

I don't think it was strawberry flavoured but it didn't taste like normal custard. I love normal custard but I hated red custard and green custard. Chocolate custard was ok.

Green custard and red custard. Did you go to private school!?!

Grotbags was the head teacher. I thought you didn't eat school dinners anyway...

What did green custard taste like? Apple?

Horrible. There is only one true custard.

Birds or Ambrosia?


All you other custards are just imitating.

Cold or warm?

And I mean refrigerated, not room temp.

Hot. Like coffee.

Red hot dessert, cold custard.


How is custard even allowed for you? It's not vegan.

Alpro. Or Birds packet mix.

Sigh. Custard must be hot. End of.

My other half has it hot. Have to keep half in fridge, half in cupboard for her to heat up.

At least there's one sane person in your household.


There are two exceptions... Crumble... and Christmas pud.

At least you're not part of the Brandy Sauce Brigade.

Brandy has a place in lemonade. Not a cool drink. But a tasty drink. Like dirt cheap lemonade.

Even when I drank anything, I drew the line at brandy.

It was excellent as a 14 year old in car parks.

What would Fr Abraham say?

Adrian? He's still a good friend so he'd probably just tut and shake his head at me...


  1. I kept expecting you or Ben to mention Creamola Foam.


  2. That was a long and entertaining conversation - It made it's presence felt early on, so glad something from the GOTG mixtape became the finale song. Perfect.


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