Snapshots #418: Left Right Left Right Songs!

Atten-shun!

Sergeant Ernie is here to give you all this week's answers and I want you all to march in time while you listen to him. Left right, left right, left right...

15. The store just before the T-junction

Department store. S is just before T.

Department S - Going Left Right

14. The smaller store next door?

A smaller version of a department store might be a corner shop.

Cornershop - Sleep On The Left Side

13. Tear sleeve to reveal this record.

‘Tear sleeve’ is an anagram of Steve Earle

Steve Earle - Devil's Right Hand

12. What happens when you put a duck in a microwave? 

What happens when you put a duck in a microwave? Its bill withers. I knew that terrible joke would come in handy one day.

Bill Withers - I Can’t Write Left Handed

11.  Losing their tails makes crustaceans bob.

A crayfish is a crustacean. Without its tail its just a Cray. Bob is short for Robert. 

Robert Cray - Right Next Door (Because Of Me)

10. Leonard’s muse, Alan’s relative?

Leonard Cohen wrote songs for Suzanne;  Alan Vega was in Suicide.

Suzanne Vega - Left Of Centre

9. From girls’ magazine to women’s movement.

Alyson can vouch that Jackie was a girls’ magazine. Mittoo sounds a bit like #MeToo. 

Jackie Mittoo - Right Track

8. A consumer of stallions.

She’s a sire eater. A twisted sire eater. Although it is considered acceptable in France and Belgium.

Syreeta - I'm Going Left

7. This will get you barred.

“Any Trouble and you’re barred” is a phrase used by publicans the world over. 

Any Trouble - Girls Are Always Right

6. The Tate? I’m a fan!

Tate & Lyle Golden Syrup? Love it!

Lyle Lovett - La To The Left

5. Pale in Wales.

Barry is a town in Wales and at least according to Procol Harum white is a shade of pale.

Barry White - Sho' You Right

Or you could have had...

Barry White - The Right Night

4. Thrower puts off batsman.

Percy Thrower was an old school gardener and broadcaster. Sledging in cricket is trying to put the batsman off by insulting them as they prepare to face a delivery. Also found in other sports e.g. the behaviour of the dastardly American fans in the recent Ryder Cup.  

Percy Sledge - Out Of Left Field

3. Sweet, sticky styling tools.

Combs made of honey would be sticky (as would combs made of Tate & Lyle Golden Syrup but that doesn’t work in this clue).

The Honeycombs - Have I The Right?

2. Just the job for an unhappy renter.

Unhappy renter = low tenant. Chris Lowe + Neil Tennant = Pet Shop Boys

Pet Shop Boys - Left To My Own Devices

(And yes, I'm convinced Ernie only included the Pet Shop Boys because knows George hates them!)

1. Wee, sleekit, cowrin, tim’rous lads.

Scottish readers will instantly recognise the quote from the opening lines of ‘To A Mouse’ by Robert Burns: “Wee, sleekit, cowrin, tim’rous beastie, O, what a panic’s in thy breastie”. With this and Jackie magazine I’m virtually handing the prize to Alyson.

Beatie Boys - (You Gotta) Fight For Your Right (To Party)

Thanks again, Ernie - you saved my life this week as I'd spent so much time on the Cancel Culture Club, I was struggling to find time for Snapshots.

Normal - and far less imaginative - service will be restored next Saturday.

 

Snapshots #326: A Top 15 Songs Celebrating Different Musical Genres

Sunday morning - time to visit the Temple! Your choice - the Shirley Temple... or the Temple of Snapshots!

Here are yesterday's answers - songs that mention different musical genres...

15. Lost your job? These guys can help you out financially.

The Dole - New Wave Love

14. $6,000,000 Steve goes to Skywalker Ranch.

Steve Austin was the $6,000,000 Man. George Lucas owns the Skywalker Ranch.

Austin Lucas - Easy Listening

13. A good thing, used by one of the gentlemen mentioned above.

Luke Skywalker used The Force.

Positive Force - We Got The Funk

12. Good at advising you how to put one foot in front of the other.

They taught us how to Walk This Way.

Run DMC - Roots, Rap, Reggae

11. What's on the other side?

Alternative TV - Punk Life

10. Carolyne hurt by a muddle.

"Carolyne hurt" is an anagram...

Arthur Conley - Sweet Soul Music

9. A friend of Allan Clarke.

Allan Clarke was in the Hollies. This was his buddy.

Buddy Holly - Rave On

8. Open All Hours.

Cornershop - Born Disco, Died Heavy Metal

7. Ghosts, demons, black magic...

The Supernaturals - Country Music

6. Could be Green, Poison or Broken.

The Arrows - I Love Rock n Roll

5. Tyne Henchmen Abound.

Anagram!

Echo & The Bunnymen - All That Jazz

4. Winnie's glue gun.

Pooh... sticks.

The Pooh Sticks - Indie Pop Ain't Noise Pollution 

3. The capital of Manchester.

M is the capital letter of Manchester. This is Robin Scott, aka...

M - Pop Muzik

2. Just the job for me!

In case you didn't know it, I am an English Teacher.

English Teacher - R&B

1. A soggy mass.

Pulp - Disco 2000

There will be another eclectic mix of genres next Saturday...

Hot 100 #45

45s. For most of us, our entry into record collecting. Long gone now, except as collector's items and special editions. But there was something very special about the 45. If you were going to go to the effort to put one song on the turntable, then you were damn well going to give that song your attention. That's something today's youth has lost, and I'd argue the songs they cherish might never mean as much to them because of that loss.

Alyson was the only one of you brave enough to mention former Golden Earring member Jaap Eggermont's Stars On 45 by name...

...although Charity Chic went one worse by reminding us of Rotherham's answer to Stars On 45... Jive Bunny! Let's hope that's the last time they ever get mentioned on this blog.

A slightly more worthy suggestion came from The Swede, in honour of Jez...

Status Quo - Forty Five Hundred Times

The Swede then returned later with a couple more...

Gang of Four - 5.45

Bon Iver - ___ 45 ___

And then came Martin, who's obviously now using the same lyrics search engine I do, because he almost filled up the entire comment's box with this lot...

Gomez's "Bubble Gum Years" Whiskey bottle and a 45, my dear
Fountains of Wayne: "Number 45 Sunblock" (I'm not sure if Martin actually listened to that one - but it's not a real song.)
Neil Sedaka and "Our Last Song Together": Scratchy worn out 45's, an echo on the radio
The Hollies, "Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress": A pair of 45s made me open my eyes
Blondie's "Bermuda Triangle Blues" begins Flight 45, last seen alive on the runway
Elbow's "Jesus is a Rochdale Girl" has Jesus is a Rochdale girl, and 45 CDs
Meatloaf and "Rock and Roll Hero": Stacks of scratched up 45's and taught myself how to sing
Barry bleedin' Manilow (!) and "The Old Songs" includes if all those plans I made don't melt the lady's heart, I'll put on the old 45's (Oy! Less of the 'bleeding'!)
Saint Etienne's "Home": Life seems so good, they're like the 45's when I dream I'm dreaming of you" (Can't find that anywhere on youtube.)
Bill Haley (and many others) and "Peppermint Twist": Well, meet me baby down at 45th Street, where the Peppermint Twisters meet" (Couldn't find that anywhere either so I linked to the version by Joey Dee & The Starliters.)
Repeat offenders Saint Etienne with "Teenage Winter": They'll never buy a Gibb Brothers record again, their old 45s gathering dust (Possibly my favourite SE song, that.)
Aussie proggers The Church and "The Time Being" includes I use a .45 to give them some stick 

I'm going to stop there, I think. I'm getting obsessed.

That's one word for it.

Lynchie was up next, with these...

"Youth of Eglington" by Black Uhuru includes the line "The youth of Brixton they have their 45 Smith and Wesson pistol pistol"

Van Morrison - "Wild Children" opens with
"We were the War Children
Born 1945
When all the soldiers came marching home
Love looks in their eye..." 

and FINALLY! 

Mary Chapin Carpenter - "John Doe No. 24" (a beautiful song) starts with
"I was standing on this sidewalk
In 1945 in Jacksonville, Illinois
When asked what my name was there came no reply..." 

John Medd joined in the fun, offering...

Wreckless Eric - 33s & 45s

Then came Rigid Digit, linking us back to the band mentioned in our opening paragraph...

Sometimes the world is crying out for some 1970s Dutch Rock with slight Bob Dylan undertones (albeit very rarely) 

Golden Earring - Another 45 Miles

While Jim In Dubai returned us to Stars On 45... albeit more credible, tongue-in-cheek, references...

Blokes on 45 - Orange Juice 

Squabs on Forty Fab - Squeeze 

BAR's on 45 - BA Robertson (Couldn't find that one either.)

Rigid Digit added to this list with...

Chas & Dave - Stars Over 45 

Starturn on 45 (Pints) 

Ivor Biggun - Bras On 45

Jim also offered 900 Number by The 45 King - "Annoying dance tune from the late 80's", which I'm not even going to listen to given that description.

And to conclude your suggestions, back to Alyson...

45 R.P.M by The Poppy Fields otherwise known as the Alarm.

Now, you may have noticed I've missed out some of your suggestions there. That's because, two years ago, on the event of my 45th birthday, I actually compiled My Top Ten 45 Songs. And here they are...

10. Babybird - 45 & Fat

9.  Dallas Wayne - Old 45s

8. The Tall Boy - 45s & Books

7. Readers' Wives - I Love You More Than 45s

6. Todd Snider - Forty Five Miles

5. The All New Adventures Of Us - 45 Forever

4. The Gaslight Anthem - 45

3. Shrag - Forty Five 45s

2. Cornershop - Brimful Of Asha

1. Elvis Costello - 45

With that in mind, you might expect Elvis to be crowned this week's winner too.

Except that Martin was decent enough to remind us all of this... and it just kind of fit my mood today.

Let me know, let me know, let me know

About all the old 45s

And the paperback rooms

And it's scattered all the photographs

Of summers and suns

Phew. I need I lie down after that. Can't even think about 44 now. I'll have to leave that up to you...

My Top Ten Disco Fire Songs

***I was going to bring you My Top Ten Fred Songs today, but blogger just deleted the whole post while I was editing it and I can't get it back. I am bereft. Luckily, I had this one in reserve. I'll dedicate it to all my blogging buddies who are getting together for gigs and good times this weekend. Try not to burn any discos down, guys...***

One of the biggest problems I have with compiling new Top Tens these days is finding myself with too many great songs that fit the criteria. A couple of weeks back, a song JC suggested in the comments made me think about doing an Indie Disco Top Ten: ten indie songs about discos. But when I started to compile my list, there were hundreds to go at... so I had to find a more specific subject matter.

The other problem I have when compiling lists like this is that, on occasion, the Number One is so blindingly obvious that it kind of renders the whole countdown irrelevant. At the end of the day though, it's just meant to be a list of ten tracks I dig. The order is only for you guys to argue about. That said, depending on your age or tastes, there are TWO blindingly obvious choices for Number One this week. My choice will surprise nobody who's been reading this nonsense for any great length of time, but let's remember: it's the journey, not the destination, which matters.


10. Michael Jackson - Burn This Disco Out

One of the lesser known tracks from Off The Wall, this has some great brass stings. Not sure how you burn a disco out though.

9. Pop Will Eat Itself - Radio PWEI

Mentions Disco Inferno. Also mentions most other words in the English language.

8. Pet Shop Boys - Burn

It took the Pet Shops Boys thirty years before they decided to join The Smiths.

7. Clinton - People Power In The Disco Hour

AKA Cornershop's Tjinder Singh and Ben Ayres, this contains the excellent observation that "disco is the halfway to a full discontent", before exhorting us to "get this disco heat onto the streets", which is close enough for a shoehorn.

6. Wombats - Backfire At The Disco

As previously revealed, there are a great many records in my collection that I've never actually got round to listening to. Confession time: this is the first time I've given this song the time of day.

I like it.

A lot more than I expected to.

5. David Bowie - Bring Me The Disco King

Finally released on Bowie's 2003 album Reality, this was originally recorded to a fast disco beat with Nile Rodgers ten years earlier. As far as I know, that version has never been released, though I'd love to hear it. It'd have to go some to beat this version though...

We could dance, dance, dance through the fire
Dance, dance, dance through the fire

4. Shed Seven - Disco Down

Imagine Oasis had a sense of humour and a record collection that went beyond their dads' old Beatles, Kinks and Who vinyl. I have very fond memories of seeing Shed Seven play live back in the day; I never understood why they weren't more widely acclaimed...

Feels like I've been
To every single disco all around
Another night, another town
It's time to burn this disco down

3. Electric Six - Danger! High Voltage

Fire in the disco...
Fire in the Taco Bell...

I have featured this ridiculous song a number of times before; I will likely do so again. I wish I could tell you that one day I will grow out of it and not want to watch its preposterous, high camp video ever again... but honestly, I hope I never do.

The song becomes even more enjoyable when you know that the "female" vocals (as mimed by actress Tina Kanarek in the video) were actually recorded by Jack White.

2. The Trammps - Disco Inferno

Written by Leroy Green and Roy 'Have Mercy' Kersey. I want that as my middle name! (Oh, wait a minute, Rol is my middle name. Forget that then.)

The most obvious contender for Number One?

You might think so...

1. The Smiths - Panic

A song so majestic that when I imagine its intro, I add a fanfare in my head. I am actually surprised when the fanfare doesn't happen.

This is the Smiths song I am most likely to quote when discussing music, particularly if anyone ever asks me why I don't like modern (i.e. anything from the last 30 years) dance music. "It says nothing to me about my life." I'm sure you all know the story behind the origins of this song, but here's a cool visual reminder...

Panic took a stand against pop music that had nothing to say, but was bizarrely accused of a racist subtext by those who considered disco to be "black music". Johnny Marr countered by threatening to "kick the living shit" out of the NME writer responsible, while also pointing out that there were no black members of New Order. The NME went on to vote Panic the sixth best dance record of 1986.

Burn down the disco...
Hang the blessed DJ!
Because the music they constantly play
It says nothing to me about my life

Which one makes you want to burn, baby, baby?

My Top Ten 45 Songs

Today I am 45.

"It's only a number."

Yes. But it is a number I have both dreaded and looked forward to. Dreaded for all the obvious reasons (I am drowning in mid-life crisis angst, but you don't want to know about that); looked forward to because I knew it would give me the chance to write this post. And also because, obviously, it's cool to have revolved around the sun as many times as a 7 inch single spins in a minute. Not that I own any 7 inch singles any more, nor a turntable to spin them on. Sigh...

A few years back, JC, The Vinyl Villain, one of my blogging heroes, marked his own 45th birthday with an epic selection of his 45 favourites 45s. I knew I couldn't compete with that. As should have become painfully obvious by now, I can only count to ten. And so, here are ten songs that focus on the number 45. Special thanks to John Medd for posting about the sleeve of the first Generation X single from 1977 (above). I'd never seen it before, but it was just the image I needed for this post.

Oh, and just for JC: here's Orange Juice with Blokes On 45 to start us off... (Sorry it didn't make the ten, JC - I love Edwyn, but this isn't one of his strongest efforts, despite the cool title.)


10. Babybird - 45 & Fat

Well, that's a nice way to start, isn't it? Thanks for the kind words on my birthday, Babybird.

Still, as this song appears to be Stephen Jones' love song to C-O-C-A C-O-L-A, maybe if he didn't drink so much of that, he wouldn't have to worry about his weight. I mean, come on, Stephen - sugar is the hidden killer for men our age...*

(*Says the man who consumed a whole bag of Bitsa Wipsa with his coffee yesterday.)

9.  Dallas Wayne - Old 45s

A word of warning to all you vinyl junkies out there...

"Old 45s will kill you - like a bullet to the brain!"

Because...

"It's just a piece of plastic
In a paper sleeve
But in each groove
Lives me and you
And the love that now is
History,.."

8. The Tall Boy - 45s & Books

Here's one that came from the blogosphere... I've no idea when or where, and google won't tell me anything else about the artist. Cool song though.

And while we're on the subject of 45s and books, I should drop a mention to Deacon Blue here... although they were only interested in paperbacks (with torn out pages). 

7. Readers' Wives - I Love You More Than 45s

Readers' Wives, on the other hand, are a band I do know something about. A few years back, at the height of my previous blog's popularity, the band sent me a copy of their album to review. I loved it and we got chatting. At the same time I was also writing a few comics so I sent them some copies of those. For a while, we talked about me writing a comic about their band. It never really got off the ground and the band have now split up, though lead singer Niall James Holohan is still recording and perfoming... I must check out what he's doing these days.

6. Todd Snider - Forty Five Miles

One of Americana's finest, this is from his 2000 album Happy To Be Here. Which seems like a pretty apt thought for today. I should take that on board.

And there's Another 45 Miles right here, from Golden Earring.

5. The All New Adventures Of Us - 45 Forever

Another one that was gifted to me by the blogosphere many moons ago... so I'm gifting it back. A lovely little tune by a band stuck on my wants list for far too long now. I must track down some more of their stuff.

I've got two boxes
Paved with rockets
Where all my best friends sit
When they smile, I take their jackets
And give them a spin...

4. The Gaslight Anthem - 45

"I'll see you on the flipside."

There's an expression you don't hear used very often these days.

3. Shrag - Forty Five 45s

Ah, Shrag. Whatever became of you?

Oh. You split up. Never mind. It was good while it lasted.

You want to hang out
Talk about music
You play that record
Over and over
Judging by my tastes
I would really like it
And you would lend it to me

Tell me you met them
Not in a fan way
Said they were nice guys
Not too pretentious
You knew them for ages
Before they were famous
And how they hadn't changed...

But I don't care what you say
I liked them first anyway...

2. Cornershop - Brimful Of Asha

Because everybody needs a bosom for a pillow.

1. Elvis Costello - 45

Written and recorded in 2001 when Elvis was going through the same terrible thing I'm going through now. It's his autobiography in 7". Brilliant.

I could quote the whole song, but here's a few selected highlights...

Every scratch, every click, every heartbeat
Every breath that I held for you
Forty five

Bass and treble heal every hurt
There's a rebel in a nylon shirt
But the words are a mystery, I've heard
'Til you turn it down to thirty three and a third
'Cause it helps with the elocution
Corporations turn revolutions
Forty five

Bells are chiming and tears are falling
It creeps up on you without a warning
Forty five

I heard something peculiar said:
"Perhaps he's got a shot and now he's dead"
Forty five

Sorry, can't stick around to chat. Have to go and "celebrate" encroaching middle age...