As Robert Palmer told me in a dream last night, Don’t Explain. That was a Billie Holliday song
originally, but for me it’ll always be by Batley Bob, because I heard him do it
first, at an impressionable age.
I stopped at Morrisons last week for a few bits. Went to the self-service checkout so I didn't have to make conversation. After I'd paid, the following message flashed up on the machine...
Lovely to see you. Bye for now.
This offends me in so many way, I can't even begin to count. If a cashier said this to me, I'd think it was weird... but a machine?
The chances of me getting around to featuring the stylistically extravagant action movie director John Woo on Celebrity Jukebox any time soon seem slim. Hopefully for him anyway, since the jukebox has become a hectic requiem in recent weeks. Anyway, here's a song with his name from new London band My Fat Pony.
Love the home-made video.
Louise bought me some socks for Father's Day. My initial reaction was, "I'm not sure I can wear these for work..."
"Oh," she said. "Sorry. I didn't know they said that on them."
I told Ben. He replied with two words.
She knew.
Speaking of Ben, he recommended I listen to Tim Heidecker, an artist he saw on tour earlier in the year. Heidecker's an American actor and comedian, so the first half of his set is a world weary stand-up routine. Then he comes back on and does a set of upbeat, nostalgia-focussed Americana Ben figured would be right up my street. He's not wrong.
Back when I taught in college at The Bad Place, I had a student who regularly called me Brendon. When I asked why, he said it was because I looked like Brendon Urie, lead singer of Panic! At The Disco. I don’t. Brendon’s much younger and prettier than me. The most I can say is that my hair goes back in a similar way.
Despite being named after Smiths lyrics, P!ATD are a band who have said little to me about my life since they emerged from the provincial town of Las Vegas in 2004… however, I’ve been strangely taken by their latest album, Viva Las Vengeance. It’s a tribute to the bands Urie loved when he was a kid, and on first listen the obvious influences (to me, anyway) were Queen, Costello, Thin Lizzy and Steinman. Reviewers have cited The Beatles and The Police, among others… but after repeated listens, the homages coalesce and it all starts to sound like a Panic! record. But a really good one, and a really catchy one. Shame it’s their last, as Urie has announced his retirement… at least until the inevitable comeback tour beckons.
Here's the title track, which immediately made me think of vintage Costello...
It's so funny how we don't talk anymore... until you want the answers to Saturday Snapshots. But you all did very well again this week, so... Congratulations!
I think Alyson took this one, though Chris & Walter both did sterling work on some of the tougher ones while Charity Chic kept the flag flying for his home country, Rigid Digit corrected Alyson (and himself) and C was happy with #3, which really should have been 7. Lynchie must have had a lie in this week...
I've got so many series on the go at the moment, I can't keep up with them all. So here's a Top Ten of Grumpy Old Men songs (aided and abetted by a few grumpy old women) based around the idea that things were much better when I was a lad. Y'know: strikes, power-cuts, the three day week, Margaret Thatcher, the Yorkshire Ripper, Kajagoogoo... I'm talking the good old days now!
(Nothing personal against Kajagoogoo. They just have a funny name.)
When I did a google image search on "things ain't what they used to be", the above image popped up and I felt it somehow appropriate.
One of those songs you pick up on an old Uncut or Mojo CD, burn to your record library, then never actually listen to until 20 years later when you come up with a random post idea and... not bad, actually.
Amazing that this is the first time Neil Young has featured in my Grumpy Old Men series...
Talk to me, my long lost friend, tell me how you are Are you happy with your circumstance, are you driving a new car? Does it get you where you want to go, with a seven year warranty? Or just another hundred thousand miles away From the days that used to be
Can we ever live up to what our parents' generation went through. Probably not...
Whoah-oh, story after story Of all your faded glory Is all I ever hope to live up to Whoah-oh, know as I get older I'm standing on your shoulders Trying to be just like you But they don't make 'em like they used to
Most things change, but some things stay the same...
There's a freeway where we played football in the fields Apartments on the pitch at Highbury There's a shed called Deer Creek Of which my one critique Is there's no creek now and it's all deer-free
There's a Walgreens where there was no wall, just greenery There's a theme park in a palace in Tennessee That tree there is a pylon But some things you can rely on There's a Starbucks where the Starbucks used to be
Considering Marvin wrote this heartfelt plea for the ecology back in 1971, you can imagine him turning in his grave every time Donald The Trump opens his mouth.
Wait, you say. Those aren't the lyrics to a Max Bygraves song! They're the lyrics to The Kinks' 1983 comeback single, Come Dancing. True enough, but I bet Ray was thinking of Max's big hit from 23 years earlier when he penned those lines... if you don't believe me, just listen to the opening lines of Fings Ain't Wot They Used T'Be.
Here's a proper grumpy old man song for you! Go on, Max!
For Mash, get... ten songs that will make you want to do the mashed potato...
Although the Top 3 is inevitable, this may well be the most mashed-up Top Ten I've ever compiled, genre-wise. I'm not too proud to say I Love It.
This week's post is dedicated to jjdaddyo (sorry, jj, I don't have a
link anymore since blogger deleted my bloglist a while back: if you still have a blog, let me know where it is) who recommended our
opening tune for the second volume of My Top Ten Supermarket Songs a few weeks back. It would have fit in well there... but it fits even better here.
As
previously discussed, there are by now very few subjects Neil Young
hasn't written a song about, but this is out-there even by his
standards. 9 and a quarter minutes of Neil complaining that he's only
got mashed potato: no T-bone. From 1981's Re-Ac-Tor album, not one of his most critically-acclaimed records. I doubt he gives a shit what the critics think. I
hope he eventually got his T-bone.
There are a number of records on this Top Ten (as well as a bunch more I didn't have room for) which refer to the Mashed Potato dance craze of the early 60s. This is the one that does so most directly, originally recorded by Dee Dee Sharp, it was re-recorded by the Ronettes under Phil Spector, who then credited it to The Crystals once the Ronettes had split up. That Phil Spector, eh? What a genius / maniac / tool.
From
the superb 1994 album, How To Make Friends & Influence People,
Terrorvision cheekily steal the mashed potato lyrics from this week's
Number One and slip them effortlessly into this superfly guitar stomper
which confirms them as Bradford's finest rock band.
We should be hot as a couple of hot tomatoes But you're as cold as yesterday's mashed potatoes...
Written by Jerome Kern and lyricist Dorothy Fields for the Fred Astaire / Ginger Rogers movie Swing Time, this will be more familiar to anyone of a certain age as the theme tune to an 80s ITV sitcom starring Judi Dench and Michael Williams. That version was sung by Dame Judi herself, but the problem with it was, as the rhyme above shows, this is a song that should only ever be sung by Americans... because no matter what Fred & Ginger sang in Let's Call The Whole Thing Off... nobody, British or American, ever says "po-taa-toes".
So we'll stick with Ella and Louis, because you can't beat them. Or mash them.
One of the best tracks from Eminem's 2013 comeback album, Marshall Mathers 2, this is built around the chorus to Joe Walsh's Life's Been Good and features the usual First World whinging about how hard it is to be a white, rich rap star. Luckily, Eminem understands the irony of this and... damn it, say what you like Eminem, but dude can rhyme...
Can't pump my gas without causin' an accident
Pump my gas, cut my grass, I can't take out the fuckin' trash
Without someone passin' through my sub harassin'
I'd count my blessings but I suck at math
I'd rather wallow than bask, suffering succotash, but the ant-
Acid it gives my stomach gas
When I mix my corn with my fuckin' mashed
Potatoes, so what hoe kiss my country bumpkin ass
Missouri southern roots, what the fuck is upper class?
There are some mashed potatoes in there if you look for them.
Oh boy, I'd forgotten how much I loved this. It's so easy to remember Kurt Cobain for the tragedy, the reluctant artist stuff, the end... so easy to forget this guy had one hell of a sense of humour too. Occasionally. Here, his mum and dad leave him at grandma's house while they go to a show and he has to eat her mashed potato and can't chew his meat too good.
I was amused to discover though that the song's original 1962 recording, by New Orleans r 'n' b man Chris Kenner, didn't feature any nanas at all though. They were added three years later in a version by Cannibal & The Headhunters. But it was Wilson who took all those nas to another level.
That said, it's interesting to hear what Jimi Hendrix and Patti Smith do with this song too.
Of course, the Mobile Army Surgical Hospital had very little to do with mashed spuds... but then, as already discussed, very few songs on this list are actually about potatoes.
Interesting story behind this one. Robert Altman, director of the original M.A.S.H. movie wanted a song called 'Suicide Is Painless' to feature in a key scene of the movie... and specifically wanted its lyrics to be duff: "the stupidest song ever written". He tried to write those lyrics himself but couldn't get them stupid enough... so he gave the task to his 14 year-old son Michael, who wrote them in 5 minutes... and became a millionaire in the process. Not too stupid then, eh, Robert?
The thing is, there's a thin line between stupid and profound, and in the context of the film... and certainly the TV show that followed, using this song as its theme tune... this nonsense suddenly began to feel very profound indeed. I loved M.A.S.H. when I was a teen, not so much the Altman version, but certainly the Alan Alda show. I was one of the hundred million plus viewers who tuned in to the final episode and sobbed when this song played out for its final time. Stupid, yeah.
I found it impossible to choose between the original and the Manics' 1992 cover version, released as a charity single, double A-sided with the Fatima Mansions' cover of Bryan Adams' Everything I Do, I Do It For You. (Punctuation note: it's not often you see a sentence that contains three apostrophes after the s like that. Sorry, English teacher geeking out here.) James Dean Bradfield's guitar and vocal suit this song perfectly. Sadly, it would become a little too prophetic for another member of the band though...
1. The Contours - Do You Love Me?
You broke my heart 'Cos I couldn't dance You didn't even want me around But now I'm back To let you know I can Really Shake 'em down
Another one featuring that ridiculous mashed potato dance step. Originally written for The Temptations, who'd done a runner that day, so Berry Gordy gave it to The Contours instead when he bumped into them in the Motown corridor. It was their only real hit: but what a hit.
Of course, being of a certain age, my first exposure to this song was in Dirty Dancing. I was 16 when that film his video in the UK. It was regular Friday night viewing, at least when Ferris Bueller's Day Off (or Friday the 13th... I was a complex child) was unavailable for rental at the local video shop.
Personally, I prefer roasties, jackets or chips. But if you've got to have your potatoes mashed, I don't think you can deny the tastiness of this Top 10. Any favourites I missed out?
Apologies for the dearth of Top Tens over the last couple of weeks. May is the busiest month in teaching - the GCSE English exam is just over a week away as I type this and so things have been pretty hectic for me (not that my students seem unduly concerned by its imminence).
Anyway, it's a Bank Holiday Weekend here in the UK, and across the country folk are dusting down their caravans and heading off to seek the sun. Here's ten songs they might play on the way.
(*A curious psych-folk band with a very dubious taste in album titles: Cunning Stunts, For Girls Who Grow Plump In The Night and If I Could Do It All Over Again, I'd Do It All Over You. Ah, the 70s. Different times.)
I'm glad Blur finally got their act together and brought out a new album this year. I've only listened to it a few times, but I already know it's better than their last, Graham Coxon-less, effort, 2003's Think Tank. Caravan comes from that record, and like most of the rest of the album, it sorely misses Coxo's guitar.
Normally, if you went on holiday and ended up parking your caravan next to Ozzy & co., you'd very quickly move somewhere quieter. However, you might stick around if all they played was this trippy psychedelic number. Not at all what you expect from the BS Boys...
A haunting, mesmeric ode to our dying world from the Australian wunderkind's debut album, Sometimes I Sit And Think, And Sometimes I Just Sit. (Great title.)
A lost indie gem from the last band to sign to Factory records before they went bust in the early 90s. The EP this came from is available to download free from the band's website.
If Jesus drove a motor home, And he come to your town, Would you try to talk to him? Would you follow him around? Honking horns at the drive thru. Double-parking at the mall. Midnight at the Waffle House... Jesus eating eggs with ya'll.
Can't go wrong with a bit of Clint Boon's majestic organ.
1. The Housemartins - Caravan of Love
Christmas 1986, and fourteen year old Rol stands on the edge of the dancefloor at the school disco wondering if anyone will ever slow dance with him to the Housemartins' a capella cover of the Isley Jasper Isley song Caravan of Love.
No one ever did.
So... which one will you get stuck behind on the motorway?
