THE CHAIN IS BACK!!!

Just in case you haven't noticed, Jez quietly brough The Chain back last week... so if you haven't dropped him a suggestion yet, get over to A History of Dubious Taste now and help restore the greatest interactive blog feature on the internet to its prime position.

Here are some Chains to celebrate...

Hank Williams - Take These Chains From My Heart

Sam Cooke - Chain Gang

Aretha Franklin - Chain Of Fools

Mercury Rev- Chains

The River Detectives - Chains

Georgia Satellites - Battleship Chains

Snapshots #339: A Top Ten Board Game Songs

We do like a good board game at Top Ten Towers. I know, rock n roll, right?

Here are ten rock n roll board games...

10. Who will be at Lester's party, inside the crowd?

Who will be at Lester's party?

The Beatles - Ticket To Ride

Ticket To Ride is my favourite boardgame. Somewhat ironically, it has been replaced by a game called Wingspan as the favourite of everybody else in the house. "It's only the game Ticket To Ride could have been," they tell me.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, The Beatles are on stage in that picture, playing to a crowd of 18 people, in December 1961.

9. Dancing with German Measles.

Rubella Ballet - Twister

I had C down to get that one. I did however question whether Twister was a boardgame. The web of lies tells me it is, so that's OK.

8. Orbiting Atlanta.

The Georgia Satellites - Battleship Chains

7. Jett joins Juliet Bravo.

Imagine Joan Jett was a a policewoman...

Joan As Policewoman - Game Of Life

6. Grape or Dick?

Moby - Go

5. I'll give them 2:1 odds...

A Certain Ratio - Guess Who

4. Rhett smoked a bong, and it really messed him up.

"Rhett smoked a bong" was an anagram...

Booker T & The MGs - Chinese Checkers

I couldn't find any songs about Draughts.

3. Listen to the music playing in her head. 

That's almost a line from Lady Madonna...

Madonna - Sorry

2. Humpless camels on drugs.

Llamas are camelids without humps.

The High Llamas - Three Point Scrabble

1. Attendant and Richard's lad.

A paige and Dick's son.

Elaine Paige & Barbara Dickson - I Know Him So Well

From the Andrew Lloyd Weber musical, Chess...

A few more I didn't have room for in the games cupboard...

Parquet Courts - College Chess Circuit

Seafood - Boggle

Captain Sensible - There's More Snakes Than Ladders

Ride - Mouse Trap

Ariana Grande & Victoria Monét - Monopoly

We'll play again next Saturday morning...

Snapshots #191: A Top Ten Ship Songs

Yesterday was Leo, today it's Kate. Together they sailed on the most famous ship ever to sink.

Sink your teeth into these answers...

10. Earth's main political group?

World Party - Ship Of Fools

9. Crispy relations.

Walkers Crisps, obviously.

The Walker Brothers - My Ship Is Coming In

8. Dougal's owner plays with her contraption.

Florence & The Machine - Ship To Wreck

7. Eastern European moons.

The Georgia Satellites - Battleship Chains

6. That's quite a neck, Vic.

"A neck, Vic" was an anagram.

Nick Cave - The Ship Song

5. In & Out.

The Doors - The Crystal Ship

Or

The Doors - Ship of Fools

4. Birds hug Cher.

Anagram!

Chris DeBurgh - Ship To Shore

3. Improves your garden before June.

April showers bring forth May flowers... 

April Showers - Abandon Ship

2. Longer British lawman meets Western equivalent.

A Bobby becomes a Robert.

Wyatt Earp was the Western lawman.

Robert Wyatt - Shipbuilding

1. Being obsessed with the games people play makes him more than just a pretty face.

Joe South sang about The Games People Play.

This is still amazing...

By the way, if you've not caught the divine Ms. Winslet in Mare of Easttown, you really have been missing out.

More Snapshots next week, even if there's nothing else in between...

My Top Ten Social Distancing Songs

 

Step back, please. As we all head back into lockdown, it's time to social distance in song...

10. The Police - Don't Stand So Close To Me

Let's start with the obvious one, eh?

All the girls in Mr. Sting's class fancied their teacher.

9. Hall & Oates - So Close

A mismatched romance, contained one of the great lyrical couplets to describe such an inequality...

He fell like a rock, 

She kinda liked him.

But as for being relevant to our current predicament, try this...

We believe in tomorrow, though we're stuck in today.

Baby we're so close, so close, yet so far away.

8. Dire Straits - So Far Away

I'm tired of bein' in love and bein' all alone

When you're so far away from me

I'm tired of makin' out on the telephone

'Cause you're so far away from me

Bonus track with the same title...

Stephen Duffy - So Far Away

When I was a young, young man

Back in the Twentieth Century

Well, you made your own amusements then

Flying to the moon

The benefit of hindsight

Is always black and white

There always were contrasting ways

To help you through the night

From bright morning star to morning sun

But they are so far away

That I won’t even ask them to stay

7. Richard Thompson - Keep Your Distance

Keep your distance, keep your distance

When I feel you close to me what can I do but fall

Keep your distance, oh keep your distance

With us it must be all or none at all

6. Suzanne Vega - Solitude Standing

Solitude stands in the doorway

And I'm struck once again by her black silhouette

By her long cool stare and her silence

I suddenly remember each time we've met

5. Astrid - Distance

Now that you're far away

I can feel the distance

They say it's only fresh air

But I can feel the distance

And the sun always shines

When you walk my way

Baby, I wonder

Is it sunny with you today?

4. Bruce Springsteen - You Can Look (But You Better Not Touch)

Mess around and you'll end up in dutch, boy

3. Justin Currie - You Will Always Walk Alone

Lying asleep at night under the watching ceiling light

Safe in the fortress of your home

Remember you'll always walk alone

2. The Temptations - I Can't Get Next To You

I

Can turn the grey sky blue

I can make it rain, whenever I want it to, oh I

I can build a castle from a single grain of sand

I can make a ship sail, on dry land tell 'em yeah

But my life is incomplete and I'm so blue

'Cause I can't get next to you

1. The Georgia Satellites - Keep Your Hands To Yourself

Still one of the great unsung rock 'n' roll songs...

No hug-ee, no kiss-ee... glad I'm not dating in lockdown.

If you want to leave a suggestion in the comments box, make sure it's at least two metres from anyone else's.

Positive Songs For Negative Times #11: Keep Your Hands To Yourself

Today's song is the best advice you'll get in the current climate, I guess... and despite that, it's a damned good tune.

Dan Baird & The Georgia Satellites always put a smile on my face, even at times like this.

Hot 100 #50

That's 50 Cent, Fiddy to his mates, introducing us to the second half of our countdown of songs relating to numbers. Here's what you had for me this week...

Charity Chic kicked us off with the theme tune to Hawaii 5-0, which I wouldn't have considered, but as I did make it Number One in My Top Ten TV Themes (Instrumental) last year, it was a pretty good call.

Next came C, with a track that was definitely in consideration...

PJ Harvey - 50 Ft Queenie

Lynchie suggested a couple of fine lyrical fifties the first of which was this...

Talking Heads - People Like Us

In 1950 when I was born

Papa couldn't afford to buy us much

He said be proud of what you are

There's something special 'bout people like us

I've been listening to a lot of Talking Heads lately, so that went down very well.

Other songs about the year / decade 1950(s) included...

The Police - Born In The 50s

When Sting is finally called to answer for his many, many crimes against songwriting, this is one of those tunes that will spend quite some time in the witness box, particularly these lines...

Oh we hated our Aunt

Then we messed in our pants

Moving on...

Scotty Baker - '50 Buick

...was the only car song I could find this week.

I'm sure there are hundreds more songs that drop a lyrical mention to the decade that spawned rock 'n' roll, but we haven't got time to go fishing for them, so I'll finish with this... which doesn't appear to have much to do with the decade at all, but - as with 99% of all other Wedding Present tunes - is actually about screwed up relationships...

The Wedding Present - 50s

Where was I? Oh yeah: Lynchie's other suggestion... and it's a belter. This would have been a definite winner most weeks.

Battleship Chains - (made famous by) The Georgia Satellites

Warren Zevon covered this song. It rocks! (Actually, that's Warren with Peter Buck & Bill Berry from REM, trading as The Hindu Love Gods.)

 I love the original version by The Woods, cos it's got a ship siren at the start!

You got me tied down with battleship chains

50 foot long and a two ton anchor

Tied down with battleship chains

50 foot long with a two ton anchor

Like C, I didn't know that was a cover. I prefer the Georgia Satellites version though: it really does rock.

Finally, Lynchie asked whether or not 50/50 songs would be allowed. Well... go on then. Here's a few...

John Wesley Harding - Fifty Fifty Split

Cocteau Twins - Fifty Fifty Clown

Suzanne Vega - Fifty Fifty Chance

The Strokes - 50 50

The Del McCoury Band - 50/50 Chance

All the way from Dubai, Jim was back, digging around in his library to find a well-fingered copy of...

...sorry, Jim, I couldn't resist that... or the awful sub-Benny Hill pun that preceded it.

What Jim actually suggested was the far superior...

Edwyn Collins - 50 Shades of Blue

Jim's second suggestion was an entirely new one to me... definitely worth discovering though.

Steve Diggle - 50 Years of Comparative Wealth

Not the only song I found to mention 50 years though. Here are a few of my own...

Biff Bang Pow! - 50 Years of Fun

Guided By Voices - When She Turns 50

The Fall - 50 Year Old Man

(Surprisingly, The Swede didn't suggest that last one though he did suggest another Mark E. Smith tunes, Masquerade, for these cheery lyrics: '...like a fish dish the grim visage altered again and again, the fifty percent interest ran out today, account altered...')

And then there was this... my runner-up this week... a clear winner most other weeks. Aimee Mann's debut album takes some beating...

Aimee Man - 50 Years After The Fair

Roger McGuinn on guitar & backing vocals there, if you're interested.

Meanwhile, a couple more from The Swede...

Bob Dylan - The Tempest

...which he might have suggested because it mentions fifty thousand tonnes of steel... or maybe because it goes on for about 50 minutes.

Otway & Barrett - DK 50/80

To which the only response is...

(I'm obviously very excited to have Alan back on TV.)

Rigid Digit was next up with this little beauty... with Stephen Fry on guest vocals.

Kate Bush - 50 Words For Snow

And also a lyrical 50 which he became rather pedantic about and I had to challenge on the basis of artistic license...

Squeeze - Up The Junction 

"This morning at 4:50, I took her rather nifty..." 

Great song, a soap opera in 3 and a half minutes. But one cannot ignore the chronological error. 

This morning she gave birth to a daughter (at 5:20, pedantic fact fans) 

Within a year she was a walker (OK, this may have been a guess or expectation). 

But then, just 2 lines later, he is already 2 years in the future

Like I said: artistic license. And I thought I was a pedant. Great song though.

We then welcomed a new player, Douglas McLaren, with a very fine suggestion...

The Tragically Hip - Fifty Mission Cap

...and with songs like that, Douglas, you're welcome back here anytime.

However, sometimes I just have to go for the obvious choice... so here it is, a tune I've always had a great fondness for.

King of Pedantry Rigid Digit pointed out that Paul Simon only actually names 5 of the 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover...

Just slip out the back, Jack, make a new plan, Stan

Don't need to be coy, Roy, just listen to me

Hop on the bus, Gus, don't need to discuss much

Just drop off the key, Lee, and get yourself free

...and both he and Alyson wondered what the other 45 may be.

To answer that question, I can direct you towards Carol Brown by Flight of the Conchords, in which Jermaine Clement gives you at least another 19, including...

Loretta broke my heart in a letter

She told me she was leaving and her life would be better

Joan broke it off over the phone

After the tone she left me alone

Jen said she'd never ever see me again

When I saw her again, she said it again

Jan met another man

Liza got amnesia, just forgot who I am

Felicity said there was no electricity

Emily, no chemistry

Fran, ran, Bruce turned out to be a man

Flo had to go, I couldn't go with the flow

Carol Brown just took the bus out of town

But I'm hoping that you'll stick around

Mimi will no longer see me

Brittany, Brittany hit me

Paula, Persephone, Stella, and Stephanie

There must be fifty ways that lovers have left me

Mona, you told me you were in a coma

Tiffany, you said that you had an epiphany

(Bruce is my favourite.)

And while I can't name the other 26 off the top of my head, I can also direct you Okkervil River's Plus Ones, a very fine song which reveals #51 (as well as revealing what happens to the 97th tear and the 100th luftballoon, among others)...

51st way to leave your lover

Admittedly, it doesn't seem to be as gentle

Or as clean as all the others

Still. The problem is all inside your head, it seems to me...

49 next week. I have a feeling these posts are about to get longer and longer...

Saturday Snapshots #18 - The Answers

Short for time this week, so here's a quick run through, with the usual thanks...


(Apologies if anyone got the title of #6 after 7pm last night... I was in bed by then!)



10. No need to change gear for Dr. Frankenstein.

If you're in a car and you don't need to change gear, it'll be an automatic.

Dr. Frankenstein created a Monster.

The Automatic - Monster

First point of the week to Martin.

9. Speaking of whom, Tarzan's father got snowed in.

Not a lot of imagination went into the title part of this clue, but the artist...

Tarzan was created by Edgar Rice Burroughs.

The Edgar Winter Group - Frankenstein

(You ask me, Edgar Winter is way scarier than Frankenstein's Monster.)

Point to CC.

8. Relocation by hymn, tapestry and pudding (almost).

Hymn = carol.

Bayeux tapestry.

Sago is a pudding.

Carole Bayer Sager - You're Moving Out Today

Martin pieced that one together.

7. Telstar on my mind - get off!

Telstar was a satellite.

Georgia on my mind.

Get off!

The Georgia Satellites - Keep Your Hands To Yourself

Another point for Martin.

Great song. Good to see Rigid Digit agrees.

6. French hoist suffers a great loss. (TWO points if anybody gets this one without cheating.)

French hoist is indeed Les Crane!

Kudos to Martin for working that out.

The Latin for loss is Desiderata.

More on this tomorrow!

5. Pale coloured vehicles (x3).

A point shared by Martin and Brian. No further explanation needed.

The Pastels - Truck, Train, Tractor

4. Very soft ladies, hard to find in a barn.

Soft ladies would be made of velvet.

A needle in a haystack would be hard to find in a barn.

Well done, Alyson.

The Velvelettes - Needle In A Haystack

3. An alternative to a big star.

Alternative = replacement

Big Star was the band of Alex Chilton (well, after the Box Tops)

The Replacements - Alex Chilton

The rest of you should just be glad that Martin stays in bed till the afternoon most Saturdays.

2. Good afternoon, Batgirls.

This was one of those clues where I didn't want to over-egg the pudding. Originally it was something like "Good afternoon from Japan, Batgirls and Dog Ladies", but really... you didn't need all that. Well, Martin didn't, anyway.

Robyn - Konichiwa, Bitches

1. Davis & Coltrane made lots of this.

John Coltrane

Miles Davis

John Miles - Music

My favourite clue this week, gave early riser CC no problems. George would have got there too if he'd set his alarm earlier.




Congrats to Martin. I like the way we seem to have a different winner every week.

More snapshots next Saturday. More on Les Crane tomorrow.