THE CHAIN IS BACK!!!

Just in case you haven't noticed, Jez quietly brough The Chain back last week... so if you haven't dropped him a suggestion yet, get over to A History of Dubious Taste now and help restore the greatest interactive blog feature on the internet to its prime position.

Here are some Chains to celebrate...

Hank Williams - Take These Chains From My Heart

Sam Cooke - Chain Gang

Aretha Franklin - Chain Of Fools

Mercury Rev- Chains

The River Detectives - Chains

Georgia Satellites - Battleship Chains

Snapshots #202: A Top Ten Thinking Songs

How Can I Be Sure you got all the answers right yesterday? You might just be a Daydreamer. Still, I Woke Up In Love This Morning, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt...

10. Together!

"Together!" is the memorable hook repeatedly sung in Go West by The Village People... or The Pet Shop Boys.

Go West - King of Wishful Thinking

9. Little children should learn to replace the Y with IE.

Babys should be spelled with an ie.

In case you're saying "Whoooooo!?", this is the band that John 'Missing You' Waite started out in. Although they were a British band, they only had hits in the US and Australia.

The Babys - Every Time I Think Of You

8. Mirror in the Leicester Square bathroom.

Mirror In The Bathroom was sung by The Beat.

Leicester Square is in the centre of London.

Londonbeat - I've Been Thinking About You

Here's another one for the "Well, I never knew that" folder... the lead singer of Londonbeat was Jimmy Helms, who had a 70s hit with Gonna Make You An Offer You Can't Refuse and also sang jingles for the radio company I used to work for. 

7. Sweet smelling weasels.

Jasmine is a sweet smelling flower, minks are slightly less fragrant weasels.

The Jasmine Minks - Think!

6. Ivy Manager.

Anagram!

Marvin Gaye - Too Busy Thinking 'Bout My Baby

5. How old are your clothes?

What's your garb age?

Garbage - I Think I'm Paranoid

4. Green pastures.

The Colourfield - Thinking Of You

One of the best songs of the 80s?

3. Welsh pink hippo.

In Rainbow, George was a pink hippo. Jones is the most common Welsh surname.

George Jones - She Thinks I Still Care

2. Nathan, Ralf, Keir.

Anagram! (Apologies to those of you who tried to find a linking surname.)

Aretha Franklin - Think

1. Related to Alan.

If only Alan Partridge had been in The Partridge Family...

Conversations With Ben #10: The Happy Bench

I was out walking with Sam the other day when I came across the "Happy Bench". Something about it really wound me up. Apologies, my reaction below gets a little extreme - but it was for humorous effect. I'm not really the sort of person who would ever consider micturating on public property. Still... I often present the best side of my nature on this blog. Whereas Ben gets the darker side.

(That said, when I posted a picture of the Happy Bench on my facebook feed, I was amazed by how many of my FB friends reacted in a far grumpier way that I did. It's good to know you're not the biggest misanthrope in the room. And that I chose my friends wisely.)

Rol: Well, I won't be sitting here then...

Ben: Or you could rip it off and set it alight at your feet?

Send a strong message.

I pissed on it. Will that do?

Only if you then sit in it. Commit to it.

If I did that, some happy person might come talk to me.

You could start growling? And yipping, like a small dog.

The yip is even more unexpected than a bark.

Flashback to my 20s.

Did you used to be a furry? Get up to a little bit of yipping?

The great dichotomy of my life is how much of it I've spent fighting chronic loneliness... and yet I hate people.

I'm not surprised if you go around pissing on park benches.

I Am Jack's Inflamed Sense of Rejection.

You might want to call a doctor and get that seen to.

What's the best Paul Simon song that's not on Graceland?

Train In The Distance.

Or Still Crazy...

Or 50 Ways...

Or Mother & Child Reunion

 Or Me & Julio

Or Kodachrome

Or Loves Me Like A Rock

Or St Judy's Comet

Or Late In The Evening

Or Duncan...

Wrong.

All wrong.

Rene and Georgette Magritte.

That's the correct answer.

I was saving that one for the end because there's a gag attached.

Weird name for a dog.

"After The War."

That actually made chuckle.

I've achieved SOMETHING today then.

AC12 ought to investigate Vicky McClure's taste in music...

That is the mixtape of someone who has never made a mixtape in her life.

Or bought a record.

T'Pau!

I had a crush on Carol Decker, but still.

Even the "deep cut" by Dead Prez is still their most radio friendly one.

Are you sure the playlist isn't titled "Songs that I like when they come on the radio"?

Exactly. Never bought a record in her life.

Also. I thought it was an unwritten rule you didn't put the Beatles on mixtapes.

Or The Carpenters.

There seems little point in putting together a mixtape of songs everybody knows off by heart, to the point of being sick of them.

I mean, Respect is a classic, but I've heard it too much now.

Exactly.

Deep cuts only.

But there's no Beatles or Carpenters deep cuts.

Same with Nirvana.

Etc.

I'd put Carpenters on as a palette cleanser after something really out there. And maybe some really early, raw Beatles. I'd never say no to anything. But that playlist is just like they asked the Family Fortunes audience to name ten pop songs from the last 60 years.

Maybe it's a cover up. Maybe she has a huge Gary Glitter and R Kelly collection and doesn't want Hastings to find out.

Acceptable Beatles: Michelle, Mr Postman, Twist and Shout, Here Comes The Sun (covered by Paul Simon).

Michelle!?

Are you on crack?

Ma belle.

No one would expect it.

That's why it's perfect.

That or Piggies.

Stop now. I think I'd rather listen to Vicky McClure's mixtape than any more of this.

This is under the assumption that I'd include the Beatles.

I wouldn't.

Never make me a mixtape if you think Michelle has a place in the universe.

I have to know a theme or purpose for the mix.

Here, I made you a Beatles playlist.

Saturday Snapshots #160 - The Answers

 

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

Luckily, he took a break this weekend to play Saturday Snapshots.

Here are this week's answers...

10. Ignominious 14th. Righteous Scrooge.

Ignominy is public shame. N is the 14th letter. Shame + N =

The Shamen - Ebeneezer Good

What a silly, silly, silly song. At the time, I hated it, just as I hated all rave culture. Now... weirdly nostalgic of the year I turned twenty.

Alyson has been hobnobbing with the stars again...

The Shamen were originally from Aberdeen and Colin Angus in the picture was a friend of IC2 whose Awesome Mixtape I wrote about last weekend.

9. Mick's Zen octet plays California.

Mick's Zen octet was an anagram. Pretty lazy this week, lots of anagrams.

Scott McKenzie - San Francisco (Be Sure to Wear Flowers In Your Hair)

Lynchie says to check out the b-side...

Scott McKenzie - What's the Difference (Chapter II)

8. A Harts non-event, 4 prime.

A Harts non-event is an anagram.

Add up the first 4 Prime Numbers... 2 + 3 + 5 + 7 = 17.

Sharon Van Etten - Seventeen

7. Caviar in a spin. 

Caviar is fish eggs / roe.

Tommy Roe - Dizzy

6. Stop trying to find fault, like Tom The Duck.

Tom Jones + Howard The Duck...

Howard Jones - No One Is To Blame

C said that Howard Jones looks better now... I actually think he sounds better now. I was never that fussed at the time, but now I find these decent enough pop songs.

5. Coo-lumbo, Sherlock Homing and Agent Coop-er remove a lady's rear.   

I'm not the world's biggest fan of the Pigeon Detectives, but sometimes the clue is too good to avoid...

The Pigeon Detectives - Take Her Back

4. Asda clothes take the mick, with a coral... um... hang on, hang on... I'll finish this clue in a minute...

George at Asda takes the Michael. With a reef... er...

George Michael & Aretha Franklin - I Knew You Were Waiting (For Me)

3. Kate & Fred love them. Hahahaha!

Kate Pierson & Fred Schneider are in the B-52s. Who sang about a Love Shack. 

Shack - Comedy

2. Beautiful baptism bowl, full of potassium. 

Beautiful baptism bowl would be a bella font... 

Bananas are full of potassium.

Harry Beladonte - Day-O (The Banana Boat Song)

Whenever I hear that, I can't help but think of the Stan Freberg version...

Stan Freberg - Banana Boat (Day-O)

1. Bother not, between the roads.

Bother not was an anagram

Between the roads is the central reservation.

As shown in this lovely video...

If you think this is As Good As It Gets... wait till next Saturday!

My Top Ten Sing Songs

Sing something simple. Here's ten songs where singers tell us to sing. Lazy buggers: they want us to do our job for them. Or... maybe they just want to remind us how good it feels to sing sometimes.

Ten songs that celebrate singing. Go!


10. Mel Tillis - Come On & Sing

A recent discovery... from the distant past... by a country songwriter perhaps more famous for the songs he wrote than for singing them.

9. My Chemical Romance - Sing

A much-missed band. Well, by me, anyway.

8. Stylistics - Sing Baby Sing

A song celebrating the fact that the world is getting better every day...

Wait, come back!

7. Blur - Sing

From the soundtrack to Trainspotting.

6. Kevin Ayers - Sing A Song In The Morning

Kevin Ayers' backing band on this track is The Whole World. It's nice to have friends.

5. Travis - Sing

Travis at their most singalong.

If you can't handle that, you may prefer the Glen Campbell version. If I were Fran Healy, I'd consider my job done once Glen Campbell had recorded one of my songs.

4. Aretha Franklin - Sing It Again - Say It Again

Funky in the extreme - sounds like the theme to a 70's cop show with added Aretha.

3. Martin Rossiter - Sing It Loud

The other day, Martin (not Rossiter) was lamenting the fact that this Martin has only ever recorded one solo album. I couldn't agree more. This was a cracker. We demand more!

2. Morrissey - Sing Your Life

Could this be the happiest song Morrissey ever recorded?

Don't leave it all unsaid

Somewhere in the wasteland of your head, 

And make no mistake, my friend

Your pointless life will end

Well, maybe not...

But before you go

Can you look at the truth ?

You have a lovely singing voice

A lovely singing voice

And all of those

Who sing on-key

They stole the notion

From you and me

So, sing your life...

It always makes me happy though.

1. The Carpenters - Sing

Come on, it had to be, didn't it?

(What else were you expecting? REO Speedwagon?)


Sing to me in the comments, if you will...

My Top Ten Songs About Aretha Franklin

Following on from my Top Ten Aretha Songs... here's ten songs that namecheck the Queen of Soul and pay tribute...


10. Okkervil River - Famous Tracheotomies

The opening track to the new Okkervil River album does exactly what it says on the tin. It's a  song about famous people who've had tracheotomies. No, wait, it's a hell of a lot better than that sounds!

No, Aretha never had a tracheotomy. However...

Mary Wells, she was known as Motown's Queen

But laryngeal cancer left her unable to sing

They tried radiation, multiple surgeries

But she didn't have insurance and lost almost everything

Poor thing

But Diana Ross helped with her bills

Aretha Franklin tried her very best to help out Mary Wells

And Dionne Warwick did all she could do

And Mary Wells, she pulled through

For one more year or two

9. Le Tigre - Hot Topic

A song about all the different artists who inspired Le Tigre. Aretha shares some pretty offbeat company in these lyrics...

Gertrude Stein, Marlon Riggs, Billie Jean King, Ut, DJ Cuttin Candy, David Wojnarowicz, Melissa York, Nina Simone, Ann Peebles, Tammy Hart, The Slits, Hanin Elias, Hazel Dickens, Cathy Sissler, Shirley Muldowney, Urvashi Vaid, Valie Export, Cathy Opie, James Baldwin, Diane Dimassa, Aretha Franklin, Joan Jett, Mia X, Krystal Wakem, Kara Walker, Justin Bond, Bridget Irish, Juliana Lueking, Cecilia Dougherty, Ariel Skrag, The Need, Vaginal Creme Davis, Alice Gerard, Billy Tipton, Julie Doucet, Yayoi Kusama, Eileen Myles

8. Parliament - Chocolate City

In which George Clinton plans his ideal government...

And don't be surprised if Ali is in the White House

Reverend Ike, Secretary of the Treasury

Richard Pryor, Minister of Education

Stevie Wonder, Secretary of fine arts

And Miss Aretha Franklin, the First Lady

7. Dar Williams - Midnight Radio

Here's to Patti

And Tina

And Yoko

Aretha

And Nona

And Nico

And me

And all the strange rock and rollers

You know you're doing alright

So hold on to each other

You gotta hold on tonight

6. Drive-By Truckers - Ronnie & Neil

A song about Muscle Shoals, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Neil Young, Otis Redding... and Aretha.

The history of Southern music in one 5 minute song.

5. Graham Parker - Obsessed With Aretha

You get a lot of girl singers obsessed with Aretha

You get a lot of little swingers wishin' they could be her

Some of those sisters can rock and roll

All god's children gotta little bit of soul

But not that much... no no no, not that much

4. Scritti Politti - Wood Beez (Pray Like Aretha Franklin)

Each time I go to bed I pray like Aretha Franklin

I never understood how exactly that made one a Wood Beez. Or what exactly a Wood Beez was.

3. Cat Power - Aretha, Sing One For Me

Me and my baby, we had a big fight

We ended our romance the same night

In an angry mood, he walked out the door

I said this song's going to an Aretha Franklin show

Hey, Aretha, sing one for me

Let him know our life's in misery

Will you sing a song that will touch his heart

And make him sorry that we are apart

2. Eric Burdon & The Animals - River Deep Mountain High

In which Eric and the lads rework Phil Spector's classic into a psychedelic monster, changing one specific line in the process...

I love you baby, like Aretha Franklin needs to sing

1. Rumer - Aretha

Possibly the most gorgeous tribute song ever written?

My Top Ten Aretha Franklin Songs

RIP, Aretha Franklin. After some consideration, here are my own personal favourites. I won't try to justify them beyond saying that I was a child of the 80s - which will explain two of these entries... Who's Zoomin' Who could well have been #11.


10. Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves (with the Eurythmics)

9. Spanish Harlem

8. I Knew You Were Waiting For Me (with George Michael)

7.  I Never Loved A Man (The Way I Love You)

6. Chain of Fools

5. Rock Steady

4. (You Make Me Feel Like A) Natural Woman

3. Think

2. I Say A Little Prayer

1. Respect

Saturday Snapshots #30 - The Answers

"We're going out tonight - out and about tonight..."

Yes, I actually went out on a Saturday night... whatever makes her happy, as Brett sang. So all I expected to provide you with this Sunday morning were the pre-prepared answers, no scores. Then you only went and hoovered up all the points in a three horse race that took under an hour - a record! Congrats to Rigid Digit, Martin and Lynchie... who just pipped the other two to the trophy by one point. Thanks also to Chris for mopping up the stray half point a bit later.

Commiserations to Brian, who stayed out late with the hope of sweeping in to get an early victory. Hope you had a nice night out before that, Brian!

Answers then...


10. In the days before mobile phones, these neanderthals ruled the airwaves.

Pretty self-explanatory, this one... if you remember it.

Primitive Radio Gods - Standing Outside A Broken Phone Booth With Money In My Hand

(There's a metaphor for life!)

9. Where Iraqi animals go when they want to get away from astronauts.

Remember this guy? Kinda wish you didn't?

Babylon Zoo - Spaceman

8. Morrissey winds up in Orange County, screaming from a walnut tree at hobos.

My favourite clue of the week... I'm sure you can piece it together now.

O.C. Smith - Son of Hickory Holler's Tramp

7. Late in Thailand, Bill's face gets lost in translation.

Bill Murray was in Lost In Translation. His face is on his head.

Murray Head - One Night In Bankok

I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine...

6. Affleck puts this on his drive... he adores being in the line of fire.

(Once seen: never unseen.)

Ben Affleck puts Ben-A-Tar on his drive.

Pat Benatar - Love Is A Battlefield

5. Sly John gets a staple through his navel.

Sly John would be full of guile.

J. Geils Band - Centrefold

4. Scared of trouble? Leg it with a stooge.

You would leg it on your pins... with Iggy.

PINS featuring Iggy Pop - Aggrophobe

3. A lock of white hair fills your passport.

I really thought CC would get this one - but he wasn't even close!

Hank Snow - I've Been Everywhere

2. Smoking weed leads to high esteem.

A reefer? Too easy.

Aretha Franklin - Respect

1. Are you aware that's going to burn your mouth?

Do you realise this is the Flaming Lips?

I'd like this played at my funeral, please. Video too. On a huge screen. Provide hymn sheets so everyone can sing along.



More next week...

The Hot 100 Countdown #96

96 could only have been one song, but there have been many fine versions over the years... so which is my favourite?

Chris and The Swede both went for the original by ? & The Mysterians, one of the original garage bands, led by the very Jagger-esque Rudy Martinez.

Lynchie suggested a live version by Richard Thompson & David Byrne - now there's an unbeatable team-up! Suits them both very well.

C went for Big Maybelle's version - never heard that before, but it's a cracker.

Charity Chic introduced me to Eddie & The Hot Rods take on it... very good too.

Swiss Adam suggested the Primal Scream cover... pretty trippy... I always like it when the Scream go mental like this.

Nobody went for the other two versions in my record collection: Garland Jeffreys or The Inspiral Carpets, but both are worth the odd spin. (That organ solo must have been irresistible to Clint Boon!)

Once you start digging around on youtube, you can find all manner of treats, including Aretha, Iggy... even Bruce. But for me, it goes back to my first love. The version I first heard. The version I bought on 7" inch single back in 1990. Congrats to Alyson and Rigid Digit for guessing right this week.

Take it away, Hugh...



95's going to be a bit tougher to guess, I reckon. Any takers?

My Top Ten April Fool's Day Songs

Ten songs about April Fool's Day, along with ten amazing facts about the artists in question. But which ones are true and which ones are the APRIL FOOL?!?



10. Soul Asylum - April Fool

It was only after failing the audition to play bass in Soul Asylum that Kurt Cobain decided to form Nirvana. As a result, Soul Asylum's place in rock 'n' roll history is set in stone.

9. Aretha Franklin - April Fools

Following her acting debut in the film Blues Brothers, Aretha Franklin briefly considered taking the Kathy Bates role in the film adaptation of the Stephen King novel Misery. She was talked out of it by her good friend George Michael (with whom she duetted on the 1987 Number One, I Knew You Were Waiting For Me).

8. Patti Smith - April Fool 

When 90s singer-songwriter Patti Smyth had a big hit with her Don Henley duet, Sometimes Love Ain't Enough, the original Patti Smith sued her for the right to the pronunciation of her own name. When Patti the first won the case, Patti the second was forced to change the i sound in her name to a y sound to avoid confusion.

7. My Life Story - April 1st

Comedian and Pointless presenter Alexander Armstrong was a member of Jake Shillingford's My Life Story orchestra. He played trumpet on a number of MLS songs, though not, sadly, this one.

6. Del Amitri - April The First

Del Amitri's lead singer & songwriter Justin Currie is a distant relative of infamous Spitting Image puppet and John Major bit on the side, Edwina Curry. (Seriously, April Fool's gags aside... imagine going down in history as "John Major's bit on the side". You've got to have some sympathy for poor Edwina...)

5. Loudon Wainwright III - April Fool's Day Morn

Loudon Wainwright III is actually the fourth generation of Loudon in his family. He just thought III sounded cooler. Then he decided to mess with tradition and call his own son...

4. Rufus Wainwright - April Fools

Rufus wrote the lyrics to one of his best songs, Going To A Town, while under general anaesthetic for an operation on a particularly nasty ingrowing toenail.

3. Kurt Wagner & Cortney Tidwell (KORT) - April's Fool

Lambchop mainman Kurt Wagner was such a fan of Marvel's X-Men comic book in his youth that he wrote a fan letter to the book every month. In recognition of his dedication, writer Len Wein named an X-Man after him. Kurt Wagner: Nightcrawler.

2. U2 - April Fool's Day

Following the success of their 1983 hit New Year's Day, Bono and Thedge briefly considered recording a whole album based around days of the year. The project was soon abandoned, but this track did later resurface as the b-side to their 1987 release, In God's Country (not a big hit, probably because it was the SEVENTH single from The Joshua Tree). I'm not the world's biggest U2 fan, but I do think this is one of the best things they ever recorded.

1. Kenny Rogers & The First Edition - Just Checked In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In)

My favourite April Fool's song doesn't actually have April Fool in the title. It does feature in the lyrics though...

Someone painted April Fool in big black letters on a Dead End sign
I had my foot on the gas as I left the road and blew out my mind
Eight miles outta Memphis and I got no spare
Eight miles straight up downtown somewhere
I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in

When Kenny disbanded the First Edition in the early 80s to go solo, several other members of the band went on to form New Edition and top the charts with the song Candy Girl.



I'll reveal the answers next week. In the meantime have fun guessing the April Fools...

My Top Ten Prayer Songs

As it's Sunday, I thought we'd give praise via the medium of song...


10. Bloc Party - The Prayer

I'm sure Bloc Party fans will be most put out to see this at 10, especially considering some of the songs below. What can I say? I never claimed to know what I was talking about.

9. Duran Duran - Save A Prayer

Oh, give me a break, you'd only have moaned if I left it out.

Don't watch the video though, it'll only annoy you.

8. Billy Joel - Travelling Prayer

Not listened to this in years. It's bloody excellent.

7. Otis Redding - My Lover's Prayer

Now that's what I call a voice.

6. Cousteau - She Don't Hear Your Prayer

Cousteau: should have been massive.

5. Danny Wilson - Mary's Prayer

Scottish band Danny Wilson were originally called Spencer Tracy. Sadly, Tracy's estate objected, so they instead nicked their name from a character in an old Frank Sinatra movie. This was their biggest hit: the video has some serious quiff action going on, though not from lead singer Gary Clark.

4. Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Idiot Prayer

This prayer is for you, my love
Sent on the wings of a dove
An idiot prayer of empty words
Love, dear, is strictly for the birds

Happy Valentine's to you too, Nick.

3. Madonna - Like A Prayer

I only ever fancied Madonna when she had dark hair, pretty much for the duration of this, her best album (in my humble opinion). Of course, the fact that I was 17 at the time might also have had something to do with it. A couple of years later, she took all her clothes off... and I lost all interest.

2. Bon Jovi - Living On A Prayer

Tommy used to work on the docks...

When I came up with the idea for this Top Ten, I was pretty certain this would be Number One. Confound anyone who thinks I try too hard to be cool and indie when I compile these things. (I don't, I just pick the songs I love.) And I so wanted to give it to the Jove... but damn it, then I remembered...

1. Aretha Franklin - I Say A Little Prayer

Burt 'n' Hal. 'Nuff said.

See also the Gene cover version. Do not also see the Glee version or the one by Bomb The Bass featuring Maureen. (Yes, Maureen.)


 


Those were my favourite prayers. Which one makes you get down on your knees?