I was a little upset to discover I didn't own that track... I thought I had pretty much everything that ever made the Top 20 in the early 80s. Then I listened to it again and figured it was no great loss.
With great power comes great responsibility. So goes the mantra by which our friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man lives his life. It's a lesson he learned at a terrible cost. When Peter Parker first receives his spider powers, he treats sees them as a selfish opportunity to achieve fame and fortune. Why should he use them to help other people?
Let’s be honest, I think most of us would do exactly what he did – look after ourselves first. And to a degree, there’s nothing wrong with that. You can’t help others if you can’t help yourself. Self-preservation is hot-wired into our brain as its most important function, and that’s why the amygdala takes charge so often. The monkey brain is our protector.
Peter’s lesson about responsibility comes when he has the chance to use his powers to stop an escaping criminal and doesn’t…
As you’re probably well aware, this act of selfishness comes back to bite him in a very big way when that same criminal later shoots his Uncle Ben dead in a bungled robbery attempt. After that, young Peter dedicates himself to using his powers to help others…
…and this is where the third of Dr. Jennifer Shannon’s three assumptions kicks in: Over-Responsibility”. Along with Fear of Uncertainty and Perfectionism, which we’ve looked at over the past couple of weeks, Over-Responsibility is another big stress-factor for our over-protective amygdala.
When we fall victim to Over-Responsibility, we put other people’s happiness and well-being above our own. Is that necessarily a bad thing? Don’t we do that automatically with people we love? Maybe… but if we end up resenting them for it, we need to think again. Or if we ourselves end up suffering in the process of helping someone else, couldn’t that be construed as counter-productive? In her book Don’t Feed The Monkey Mind, Dr. Shannon’ advises…
Bottom line: if taking care of your own needs is a casualty of taking care of others, you’re being over-responsible.
The story of Spider-Man is not merely a metaphor for Responsibility – it’s also a warning about the dangers of Over-Responsibility. Peter Parker continues to disappoint friends, let down loved ones, lose jobs and fail to take care of his own well-being because he’s so obsessed with helping others. I’ve read stories where he’s taken this to an extreme, pushed himself to the point of mental and physical breakdown, trying to be Spider-Man 24/7. Just in case he’s not available that one time when he could have made the difference. And because Spidey is the one fictional character I relate to more than any other, maybe I end up acting a little Over-Responsible myself from time to time.
Dr. Shannon lists some of the problems that arise from an Over-Responsible mindset… and I reckon I could tick off a good few of them…
“…working harder than others (no), taking on other people’s problems (sometimes), poor self-care (trying to address that right here!), burnout (been there), constant worry and rumination about others (er…), giving advice to others to the point of pushing them away (probably not, because of the last item in this list), blaming yourself for things that are not your fault (definitely), difficulty setting limits (the fact that I’m not even sure what that means leads me to believe: yes), and difficulty with asserting yourself (undoubtedly).”
Phew. I’m exhausted by the responsibility of simply reading that list.
Apparently, one of the reasons we take on too much responsibility for others is that it’s a good way of being liked and loved.
Of course someone’s going to like you if you go out of your way to help them. But they also may come to rely on you too much, to their detriment. This is a knife edge all parents walk on a daily basis. You are responsible for your child, but you’re also responsible for them developing into an independent human being who can look after themselves! Sometimes the most responsible thing you can do is let them take on their own responsibility.
I feel like it’s my responsibility to keep investigating this… but I also feel responsible for taking up too much of your time. One final word from Dr. Shannon then, and I’ll call this one a day…
“Over-responsible people have difficulty recognising what is within their control and what is not. Even when you have a strong personal stake in a conflict, if a solution is beyond your control, it is not your responsibility.”
The coffee in my travel mug tasted off. Maybe I hadn’t
rinsed the Fairy Liquid out properly, or maybe it was just that off-tasting
water you get in the kettle sometimes, no real explanation for
it. Whatever the cause, I couldn’t handle the commute without a coffee, so I
decided to stop at the Co-Op petrol station and get a machine Costa. It was
Friday morning, the roads were quiet and Google Maps was telling me the journey
would only take an hour today, not 75 minutes, so an extortionately priced
“Signature Blend” was, if not exactly enticing, then at least better than
washing up water.
As I walked across the forecourt, a grubby-looking White Van
Man sprinted past me, clearly eager to pay for his petrol and be about his day,
ogling young women, driving aggressively close to other motorists, and
screaming obscenities at both. Except… that wasn’t why he was in such a rush.
Oh no. He wanted to get to the coffee machine first. Clearly he’d seen the look
on my face, assessed my need, and decided his was greater. Either that or he
was just an arsehole.
And so, I had to waste my time pretending to scour the Meal
Deal sandwiches, while standing just close enough behind him to be in a sort of
queue if anyone else with a desperate murder-you need for caffeine should try
to butt in. And of course, White Van Man didn’t just want one machine coffee,
he wanted three. My life was slowly ebbing away. And then he was done. At last,
I stepped up to the machine to order my elixir… and that’s when I noticed.
No big cups.
Only the small ones.
I stormed out of the Co-Op in a huff, back to my car, and my
off-tasting travel mug. Which didn’t taste so bad now, to be honest. Actually,
it was all right.
Laurie Shaw is another artist I discovered through compiling
those interminable posts about songs that randomly mention pop culture
ephemera. He’s from the Wirral but currently resides in Cork. He’s incredibly
prolific, having recorded over 100 albums according to bandcamp (7 of which
were released in 2022), and the one with the best title is If You’re So Good,
Then Why Haven’t I Heard Of You? Lately I've been very much enjoying Weird
Weekends, which sounds a lot like pre-fame Pulp. Slightly sordid tales of
yearning adolescent misadventures set to a lo-fi indie soundtrack. He’s even
mastered the Jarvis yelp. Quite wonderful. He's a wonderfully natural storyteller...
We were in your room And we were listening to your mum’s old records You put the White Album on And said this was their magnum opus I didn’t know what you meant But I could see down your vest And then the grooves got out of focus
“There’s a party on on Saturday night, You should come” I said “I’d love to, but the lift in’s a pain For my mum” She said “well, you could stay at mine And it might coincide with my mum Doing nights in the hospital”
If you’ve not caught it yet, Poker Face is very good. It’s
by the guy he does the Knives Out movies and it's basically Columbo for the 21st
Century. Natasha Lyonne brings her typically ramshackle Top Cat chutzpah to the
role of a human lie detector on the run, stumbling across murders wherever she
goes, then bumbling her way to delivering some kind of justice. Highly implausible, but
very entertaining, and Lyonne is a natural successor to the legendary Peter
Falk. Good soundtrack too, including…
My brother lost his wallet in the pub last week. I don’t
talk about my brother much, but here’s all you need to know to understand this
story: he’s a retired builder. Now when I tell you that there was £700 cash in
his wallet when he lost it… well, I just need to refer you back to the previous
sentence.
When he realised his wallet was missing, he returned to the
hostelry in question and asked if anyone had handed it in. They hadn’t, but the
staff were happy to take a look at the CCTV. Sure enough, there was my brother
enjoying his meal, and – whoops! – there goes his wallet onto the floor. Fast
forward to after he’s left the pub and another couple take his table. And… oh,
look, what’s this on the floor? Oh, it’s a wallet. I wonder what’s inside?
Well, we better keep that safe… tell you what, why not put in your handbag just
in case anyone unscrupulous should find it?
The police were informed, but my brother’s partner also
decided to enlist the help of the Local Vigilante Action Syndicate (aka
Facebook), posting a CCTV still of the woman with the wallet and asking if
anyone could identify her.
A few hours later, they received a private message.
“That’s my sister. We haven’t spoken in 20 years since she
shacked up with a former MP who’s also a paedophile, but she still lives next
door to me. Here’s the address…”
Rather than pass this information onto the police (see
paragraph #1), my brother instead chose to drive round to the address in
question… but there was nobody in. So he put a note through the door with his
phone number. I don’t know what the note said exactly, but something along the
lines of “Give me my wallet back and I won’t shop you to the bizzies.” Not that
my brother’s a Scouser, I just miss Jimmy Corkhill. A little while later he
received a phone call and was invited round for tea.
Well, not tea, but he did get his wallet and all its
contents back. When asked why the couple hadn’t handed it in to the bar, they
replied, “Oh, we didn’t like the look of the bar staff.”
Don’t ask me why, but I’ve been listening to Grand Funk
Railroad’s Greatest Hits lately. They’re a good time rock ‘n’ roll band, not
quite up there with Steve Miller’s lot, but ploughing a similar furrow. For
some reason, I always thought they were from Canada, which doesn’t make any
sense since their biggest hit was We’re An American Band, but logic was
never my forte. Here’s my favourite track from the compilation, originally
taken from the album 1974 album All The Girls In The World Beware!! Ah, the
70s…
Dipping my toe tentatively into Top Tens again, lest this blog get done under the Trade Descriptions Act. One of the main reasons I quit was because I always ended up with too many options for whatever topic I picked and I hated leaving anything out. So I'm just going to go with the first ten songs I think of and call this Volume 1 of Songs About Being In A Band. When I think of more, or you do, I might run a second post.
I always thought this was about his years as a member of the Drive By Truckers, but the interweb tells me he actually wrote about a band they went on tour with called Centro-Matic.
The downside of being in a band... and not doing as well as you'd hoped.
It's all my fault
Yes I'm to blame
Ain't got no money
Ain't got no fame
1. Art Brut - Formed A Band
Surely the most joyous expression of what it must be like to start your own band after dreaming about it for so long. I can never understand why Art Brut weren't bigger than The Beatles. (Please don't answer that.)
And yes, that is his singing voice. It's not irony, and it's not rock 'n' roll... he's just talking... to the kids.
The Swede recently ran a post about a 24 minute song and asked "Do we have time to listen to it?" Not at the moment, I'm afraid... work is still sucking all the joy out of my life.
So here's ten songs that all clock in at under 30 seconds. Easy enough to compile, I just got my music player to put my library in order by duration.
The only rule I had was it had to be a complete song - no excerpts, reprises, intros, fillers, talky bits or skits. Once I'd sifted all those out, here's what I was left with...
I want to be a field day for the Sundays so they can Fuck up my life Embarrass my wife And leave a bad taste Striped toothpaste can't remove on Monday mornings I want to be a target for the dailies so they can show Pictures of me with a nude on page three So lacking in taste Touched up near the waist, looking as limp as Monday morning Touched up near the waist, looking as limp as Monday morning
You could argue that the second side of Abbey Road is all one long track, but it's probably my favourite Beatles album and this is a fine coda.
1. Slaves - Girl Fight
Very loud, very funny - particularly the end... and I'm making it Number One because, despite being only 15 seconds long... they still made a video for it!
Any short songs you'd recommend? They have to be under 30 seconds... I may well do a follow-up post on songs under a minute.
3. How far would Tom & Bob run to see this band, mate?
Apologies to Brian, I should have gone with an international clue about Burt Reynolds... I'll try to remember that in future. Charity Chic helped out here too.
Looking for a definition of the phrase "phallic imagery"? Look no further...
Also, you know that nightmare you have where you leave the house without your trousers and everyone is staring and pointing at you and eventually you get chased by a load of sailors...?
Today's the worst day of Andrew Mueller's life... except for yesterday. And he's not overly optimistic about tomorrow. His solution is to call up every science lab in town, looking for a time machine that he can borrow. You get the idea...
From the amazing new album, Tape Deck Heart... though you have to buy the Deluxe Edition to get this doozy...
I’m a gonna build myself a time machine
On particle physics and the power of steam
It runs on diesel oil and Donnie Darko daydreams...
Packed up, sat in my DeLorean
Like some kind of amateur historian
I’ll visit the Renaissance and the Romans, the Victorians
Drinking in Deadwood in the 1880s
Rock 'n roll and drive-thrus in the 1950s
Trying not to change things so the plot lines don’t get shifty...
1. Huey Lewis & The News - Back In Time
Often overshadowed by that other Huey song from Back To The Future, this is the lesser-remembered track that plays out over the end credits. And if that sax intro doesn't take you back in time to 1985, 1.21 gigawatts isn't going to help you...
Tell me, doctor, where are we going this time Is it the 50s - or 1999?
Ah, yes, remember when 1999 was in the distant future?
Great Scott! Comments? Where we're going, we don't need comments...
Back to my tour of the USA. There are hundreds of songs with "America" in the title, so I needed to narrow the focus. Here's ten about American music, some by American bands... others decidedly not.
Some Brits get sniffy about American music, citing the Beatles (yawn, among others) as a reason to keep it homegrown. Me, I've always had one foot on either side of the Atlantic when it comes to my listening habits.
From the album American Demo, still one of my favourite records of the 21st Century... so far.
How many British bands made the lyrics below their mission statement... no matter the consequences?
When they pin me to the wall I'll say:
I'm with America
With godless America, I'll stand and I'll fall
Though it cuts me to my soul that
It must be America
It must be America
Or nothing at all.
Could well have been Number #1, but I like to be unpredictable.
Best thing about American Pie? All the insane, crackpot interpretations that read hidden meanings into every single line. If you've got a spare year, google them for a laugh.
And now we reach the more celebratory part of our countdown. The Cougar's tribute to 60s American rock. Never fails to make me happy.
There was Frankie Lyman-Bobby Fuller-Mitch Ryder (They were Rockin')
Jackie Wilson-Shangra-las-Young Rascals (They were Rockin')
Spotlight on Martha Reeves
Let's don't forget James Brown
Quite possibly the maddest "song" (spoken word narrative) in my record collection. Jim Steinman at his most insane. He doesn't even have Meat Loaf to temper / translate his craziness here. It's just pure Steinman loony-genius. With the best punchline in the history of rock.
Or something.
On the original, ill-fated Steinman solo album (originally supposed to be Meat's follow-up to Bat Out Of Hell, but Meat had a sore throat so Captain Barking decided to record it himself), this leads straight into the classic Stark Raving Love, the melody of which JS would later disembowel to create Holding Out For A Hero for Bonnie Tyler. Just in case you're one of the two people reading this blog who looks at more than just the artist and song title.
1. Grand Funk Railroad - We're An American Band
Does exactly what it says on the tin.
We're coming to your town We'll help you party it down We're an American band
So, these are the rules - it has to be a song about America and about music. Which is top of your Billboard Hot One Hundred?
