Cathy's Clown was the biggest hit of the Everly Brothers' career, spending five weeks at Number One in the US, seven weeks at Number One in the UK, and selling over 8 million copies worldwide.
Phil and Don argued over who wrote it, though the tune was allegedly nicked from a section of The Grand Canyon Suite by American composer Ferde Grofé. I had a listen and couldn't hear any similarity myself. The Everly's close harmony singing style was particularly influential on The Beatles (who iffypedia says "once toyed with the idea of calling themselves The Foreverly Brothers", but I'm not sure I believe that). There's certainly a similarity between Cathy's Clown and The Beatles' debut single...
All of which brings us to a man who also named himself after a song: John Wesley Hardin. Here he is in 1990 with his own sequel to the Everly Brothers' smash...
Future is uncertain The past is fading away Future is uncertain The past is fading away I remember laughin', I can't remember what I was laughin' about And I remember cryin', I can't forget what I was cryin' about That won't fade away
Are you one of those people who checks their route on Google Earth whenever you have to go somewhere new, following the little Google car down every street, looking for car parks and petrol stations and supermarkets where you might be able to stop for a wee?
If you have to buy something new for your home, do you research it for hours, reading Which? Best Buy reviews and google feedback? Are you obsessed with making certain you’ve found the best possible price out of all the retailers that stock it… and is it definitely in stock? What if you have to return it? Does that retailer have a good track record for customer service?
If you’re going on holiday, do you try to plan a timetable for the whole week? Where you’ll go each day, where you’ll eat, the routes you might take between destinations… and all the stuff I mentioned in the first paragraph?
In her book Don't Feed the Monkey Mind, Jennifer Shannon identifies three basic assumptions shared by all anxious people: Intolerance of Uncertainy, Perfectionism and Over-Responsibility. They relate to specific personality types – some people will have far more of one than the others, but all anxiety sufferers will sample the delights of each assumptive buffet at one time or another.
When people who are intolerant of uncertainty are exposed to a little bit of uncertainty, they also have a strong reaction: they worry, and do everything they can think of to get away from, avoid or eliminate the uncertainty.
If you’re invited to a party, does the very idea fill you with dread? Who will be there? What should you take? (What will other people be taking?) What time should you arrive? Is it better to be fashionably late… or might that be considered rude? Is it better off just to make your excuses and not go in the first place?
I'll have a shower Within the hour I'll smash another cup Please don't start saying that Or I'll start believing you If I start believing you I'll know that this Party Fears Two And then phone my brother up
Life is uncertainty. We don’t know what will happen tomorrow, next week or even in the next five minutes. But our monkey brain (remember the amygdala?) hates uncertainty. How can it keep us safe if it doesn’t know what the threats are or where they might be coming from? And it’s not just threats to our life and wellbeing it’s trying to protect us from, but the threat of exclusion from the tribe… hence the party fears mentioned above.
Difficulty tolerating doubt can lead to compulsive checking behaviours like making sure doors are locked and appliances are turned off. You’ll tend to overplan things; even weekends and vacations have a to-do list. And when the list doesn’t get finished or things don’t go as you planned them, you become upset and have difficulty enjoying the moment.
We’ve got a freezer in our garage. A few years back it was accidentally switched off and we had to throw all the food away. Now, whenever I’m closing the garage door, I complete a ritual in my head where I say, “lid down, green light on” to make sure the freezer is OK. Often, even though I’ve done this, I still have to lift the garage door back up and double check. I have to be certain. “Lid down, green light on” has now become a mantra and I've found myself saying it at other times two. This morning it was when I arrived at work and was checking I had everything I needed before I left the car park.
If you can’t stand uncertainty and do everything you can to get rid of it, you might have noticed a problem: it is IMPOSSIBLE to get rid of all uncertainty in your life.
What this means for you is that all the work that you are doing to get rid of uncertainty is useless, it just doesn’t work. If it did, you would probably not be struggling with anxiety and worry.
So what is the solution?
If you can’t get rid of uncertainty in your life, the only way to manage your intolerance of uncertainty is by learning to be more TOLERANT of uncertainty.
One thing I’m learning about dealing with mental health issues – particularly those relating to the pesky monkey in our amygdala – is that often the best way to fight them is to act as though you don’t have them. Intolerant of uncertainty? Act as though you’re not. Go to the party and deal with whatever might happen, including any smashed cups. Who cares if you got the cheapest price on that essential purchase? You just got an evening back that you would otherwise have wasted on price comparison sites. Remember life before Google Earth? When we found our own way to places, with the occasional help of a map?
Easier said than done in a lot of cases, and there are times (like my garage freezer) when it pays to check. But the more you force yourself to deal with uncertain situations, the more your storytelling brain will write stronger neural pathways that allow you to cope with the unexpected.
That’s the theory, anyway…
And it's the damage that we do and never know
It's the words that we don't say that scare me so
There's so many people to see
So many people you can check up on and add to your collection
But they keep you hanging on, until you're well hung
On Monday, I returned to work after the summer holidays. Normally, this would be the worst day of the year and I would have spent the last two weeks in a massive funk. But in the new job, going back to work was really no hardship (they even bought us pastries to welcome us back!), so the only real problem was when I realised I probably wouldn't have as much time as usual to put together the next Celebrity Jukebox post. I better pick someone with not many songs to their name.
That's not as easy as you think. Hedy Lamarr? On hold. Cyd Charisse? Postponed indefinitely. Surely there can't be more than one song that mentions Claudette Colbert? OK, the American Film Institute named her the 12th-greatest female star of classic Hollywood cinema... but that means there are 11 more lyric-worthy stars for pop stars to name drop, surely? Then again, she made 65 films during her career (top of the bill in 48 of them), she was Cleopatra before Elizabeth Taylor even got out of nappies and showed Clark Gable a thing or two in It Happened One Night. And she could sing too.
There's no such thing as an easy win in this series. I was, at least, grateful to confirm that Claudette by The Everly Brothers wasn't dedicated to her, but that Roy Orbison penned the tune for his wife who was also called Claudette. Which I'm sure you knew, because you're smart that way.
Much more interesting was this one from Michael Franks, "king of Quiet Storm" pop-jazz. You might shudder at the very idea, but I'm adding some Michael Franks to my late-night chill out compilations tout de suite. Deal with it. (Actually, this is from his early singer-songwriter days, and his eponymous debut album is really worth a listen.)
Those in the know will nod sagely when I add: this isn't even the best tune I know named after a certain 1948 Bogart flick. Anyway, Claudette shares good company here, with Bogie and Bacall, Fred Astaire and even Melvin Douglas... I'd be amazed if he ever turns up here again.
Me in my pleats like Fred Astaire
You in your curls like Claudette Colbert
Ain't we 'bout as cool as Iceland, baby?
And that would have done me, to be honest. Mission accomplished. I was just about to turn off the computer and go to bed when the interweb offered up another song littered with old movie stars, including Greta Garbo, Heddy Lamar, Vivian Lee, Charles Boyer and...
When they took her away she didn't put up a fight
She was Claudette Colbert in It Happened One Night
It happened one night in a Hollywood Hollywood
She was Outre Lorraine...
I can't find out anything about Richard John Wallace other than that he released one album in 1999 and then disappeared into obscurity. But damn it, if the rest of that album's as good as this, he's going on the bloody list.
We seem to be going through one of those phases where heaven's waiting room is filling up with the great and good from my record collection again... to the point that I'm having trouble keeping up. I hadn't even heard about Charlie Watts passing until Alyson brought it to my attention. Charlie was, of course, the cement that held the Stones together...
We also lost Nanci Griffith, a much loved and respected singer songwriter who was also very supportive of new talent throughout her career. She died at just 68, which is no age at all, and I must have heard the track below (live version, it just has to be) played about five times on the radio in the past couple of weeks. Rightly so, because it's powerfully evocative of times long gone...
Before that, we said goodbye to Dusty Hill, bassist and beardsmith of ZZ Top. Here he is taking lead vocals on a track they probably wouldn't play on the radio any more, more's the pity...
Another one I almost missed was Don Everly, who outlived his brother Phil by ten years, but finally said Bye Bye, Love last week. (No disrespect meant, but I can't have been the only one to pen that line.)
Finally... perhaps the least well known of the bunch... but still quite a blow for me, was the death of country songwriter Tom T. Hall. Most famous for writing the divine Harper Valley, PTA, Tom T. Hall was a true lyrical storyteller... to the point that he had a nice sideline going as a short story writer. Here he is doing what he did best...
Rest in peace, all you guys. Thanks for the songs.
You and I brawl To give me all your clothes But all your jeans were too tight And why did you paint your bathroom black I can understand liking Barbara Streisand But I'm not sure about the soundtrack from Diva
But back to Alyson...
Other than the obvious Barbra (whom I adore, especially when she sang Guilty with Barry Gibb - there is an excellent clip when she introduces him and he appears from the darkness, a vision in his tight white trousers - 'It oughta be illegal'), there is Barbara Dickson.
This Barbara worked for my friend's dad as a junior civil servant in Rosyth before becoming famous. Quite liked her early stuff and Answer Me is one of the few songs I can sing quite well, as no high notes.
Is there any end to your famous connections, Alyson?
I hope you won't mind that I picked this one as it stuck in my mind from a very young age... I suspect I have Mr. Wogan to thank for that.
I listened to one second of that and it was enough to bring back nightmares. And Rigid Digit agrees...
I'll happily never hear that song again having spent a weeks holiday with 4 daughters under 10 singing it constantly.
I still get shivers.
I should probably have not suggested Barbie... I'm not even sure it is derived from Barbara. Still, while we're here, can we find a decent Barbie song?
A sweet song, and Peter Noone was so sweet-faced too (my big sister had such a crush on him she used to cry whenever he came on the telly).
Reminds me of listening to Brian Matthews, Radio 2, Saturday mornings. As for Peter and his Hermits... well, they don't make album covers like this anymore, do they?
For a different kind of loveliness, says The Swede (from whom, more in a moment) try...
Finally, you'll be be glad to know that my millennial hipster politico friend, Ben, found himself dragged back into making suggestions again this week... even though it wasn't all about him. I don't expect him to stay around since I'm sure he'll be distracted by some other bright shiny things very soon. Young people today. Etc. Still, while he's here, I'm happy to share his ideas...
That's pretty awful. I only include it to show there are worse Barbara records than Duck Sauce or even Barbie Girl. I mean, it's almost as bad as this...
I'm starting the countdown with this one just to bait my millennial hipster politico friend, Ben, who texted earlier in the week to tell me:
New Fleet Foxes album is awful. There, I saved you some time.
I'll make up my own mind about that, thank you very much.
The worst thing that could ever come from Foxes? I Love You, Honeybear.
Undaunted in the face of his youthful denunciation, I do like me some Father John Misty. As has been previously established here. I'm sorry, but lyrically, this is right up my cross-section...
My first memory of music's from The time at JC Penney's with my mom The watermelon candy I was choking on Barbara screaming, "Someone help my son!" I relive it most times the radio's on That "tell me lies, sweet little white lies" song That's when I first saw the comedy won't stop for Even little boys dying in department stores
Shirley Collins has recorded the ballad 'Barbara Allen' at least three times over the years, most recently for her latest LP 'Heart’s Ease', but I'd personally go for the 1968 version from 'The Power Of The True Love Knot', featuring her sister Dolly's ghostly flute-organ accompaniment.
But, with a song as old as this, there were many different versions to choose from, and I found the Everly's harmonies a little easier on the ear. Sorry about that, Swede.
Before saving the world and losing his cool in one go, Bob Geldof was a great pop star. This is one of my favourite Rats songs that wasn't a Number One. Plus it mentions Barbara Cartland, so any excuse...
Grant Hart had a song called Barbara on his Hot Wax album, says Swiss Adam, who's still kicking himself for missing the first post in this series. Never mind, this is a cracking track that more than makes up for your absence there, SA.
Barbara, always avoids unpleasant situations
She rides right next to me, between the streetcar stations
Her knees are big and bony, she takes up all the cushions
Barbara, always avoids unpleasant situations
And I just added Grant Hart to my Requires Further Investigation list. Even before I realised he used to be in Hüsker Dü.
Came very close to topping the chart this time, especially as it's about both a Barbara and a... erm... Brabra.
This was also the first suggestion to come through from my millennial hipster politico friend Ben... so there's obviously a reason I keep him around.
1. The Beach Boys - Barbara Ann
As Martin said, this was the "obligatory, obvious" Number One.
Not a Brian Wilson original, it was originally recorded in 1961 by The Regents. There are similarities to the more famous version, but it also sounds very much of its time. The Beach Boys version (with Dean Torrance from Jan & Dean sharing an uncredited lead vocal with Brian) is timeless.
There's a purity to early Beach Boys recordings that is unmatched in the entire sphere of popular music.
8. Killed a mockingbird then drove off in a tiny emerald.
Harper Lee wrote To Kill A Mockingbird.
Rather obscure Irish band, although I did feature them here in my Top Ten Songs About American Writers. What do you mean you don't remember!?! I do love this song though.
Every Halloween, I like to post a horror-themed Top Ten. In recent years, I've done My Top Ten Frankenstein Songs, My Top Ten Vampire Songs, My Top Ten Haunted Songs and My Top Ten Zombie Songs (although for some reason, I didn't post that one at Halloween). I was going to do werewolves this year, but it turns out there's something much scarier out there at the moment... and I don't mean Donald Trump. Louise has even made us buy new curtains in case we glance out and see one of these stood in our garden. And so, as a special Halloween treat, I bring you My Top Ten Clown Songs. Let's be careful out there...
Special mention to the scariest clown you'll ever hear: Harpo's Rock 'n' Roll Clown. Now I wouldn't want to meet him on a dark night.
Second special mention to the weirdest threesome in rock history... Joni Mitchell, Tom Petty and... Billy Idol: Dancin' Clown.
Final special mention to Insane Clown Posse. They're supposed to be scary, but I think they're hilarious.
Other fine clowns who were in the running include Elvis Costello (three times, actually), Neil Diamond, Admiral Fallow, Toby Keith, The Cocteau Twins, Jimmy Webb, Brett Anderson, Grand National, Status Quo and Manfred Mann... obviously. Yes, I could have done a Top 20, but I don't do those anymore.
Let's set the pace, shall we? In case you think this Top Ten's gonna be full of big shoes, cars with their wheels falling off and custard pies in the face. Here's Paul Westerberg's switchblade-carrying clown, angry that rumours keep spreading all over town...
This is the world we live in now, Turin Brakes. I picked up two of your albums (and one by Counting Crows), at 'three for a quid' in the local charity shop the other week. That said, I liked them enough that I might pay full price for the next one.
Last clown, drinking in a bar that's about to be closed down A hero, I was in people's plans I was shaking their hands I got lost in the world, slow motion walking and diatribe talking As bad as things be, I'm a natural survivor
By the time you reach the end of this list, you'll realise there's not one happy clown in sight. No wonder they all end up turning bad...
He used to honk his horn and everyone would laugh He used to honk his horn She doesn't think he's very funny anymore Footprints in the sawdust leading to the edge of town Something bad happened to a clown
Great track from last year's "comeback" album, Everything Ever Written.
The typical code of conduct At the international clown hall of fame Not to smile until you've painted on your smile You go looking for laughter Yeah, you could be another poet like
John Crowe Ransom, Whitman or Hart Crane All those words you leave behind Will fit together in time Like a clown You'll do anything for fame Tell me did you ever meet another clown Who said I'll be around for you now?
Dave Davies' only real solo hit (though I have featured one of his other, less successful, solo singles here before) is a resigned shrug towards the circus-like life of a touring rock star, co-written with Ray.
One of my favourites from Ron, although the live acoustic Ron-cam recreation above isn't as good as the album version. Great lyrics though...
Everything is alright for against the backdrop of ordinary life
It's the easy laugh that gets you through
Your working day and the hogwash
Sad but true, he's a clown in broad daylight
One of the saddest songs ever written. Hence it's been recorded by everybody from Frank Sinatra to Grace Jones, Lou Rawls to Madonna. I'm particularly fond of Mark Kozelek's latest version (not the one on youtube), but Judy's is the definitive recording. The song was written by Stephen Sondheim for the musical A Little Night Music, and he claims it's not literally about circus clowns: just fools like us.
1. Smokey Robinson & The Miracles - Tears of a Clown
And this is why Smokey Robinson is a god. Just listen to these lyrics: in a chirpy pop song, for Smokey's sake!
Just like Pagliacci did I try to keep my surface hid Smiling in the crowd I try But in a lonely room I cry The tears of a clown
The music was written by Stevie Wonder who couldn't come up with a decent lyric so took it to the Motown Christmas party and played it to Smokey in the hope he'd come up with something. He did.
Tears of a Clown is also one of the only pop songs to feature a bassoon. More on that here.
There are those who will tell you that The Beat's version is better, but they are men of a certain age (i.e. about 5-10 years older than me) and though it's a fine opinion I respect greatly... I must disagree.
Only Stuart Murdoch could get away with singing...
It's getting cold, I'll catch the bus
I'll see my friend when she's finished working
Get some fish and chips
Lalalala, what's on the box?
'Man about the house' with Paula Wilcox
There was genuine excitement to early Killers songs that's gone awol since they became stadium-filling superstars. This is one of those rare early tracks where you can hear the Johnny Marr influence as much as the Springsteen.
Saw them do this live, though sadly I don't think they've ever released it. It never fails to bring a smile to my face. If you've ever bumped into someone who recognises you but you can't remember them at all... watch the link above.
If not for my rather unorthodox selection below, in any other reality, this would have been Number One. It's written there in blue, with a heart and an arrow through.
1. Stephen Malkmus - Jenny & The Ess-Dog
Probably a surprising choice, but this is my all-time favourite Stephen Malkmus song, including everything he did with Pavement. The lyrics are just so good: like an award-winning short story. The details make it.
They kiss when they listen
To "Brothers In Arms"
And if there's something wrong with this
They don't see the harm
In joining their forces and singing along
Those were my spinning Jennies. Which one is your Eccles cake?
