Some time ago, I began making a list of songs which were sequels to earlier songs... occasionally by the artist who did the original, but often by a completely different act. Initially I thought this would make a good Saturday Snapshots, but as the list grew I realised it would be quite a tricky one... and there were far too many good tunes to waste on a throwaway edition of the quiz.
And so, devoid of much inspiration for ways to keep this blog going beyond the tent-pegs on Tuesday and Saturday, I thought I'd make Sequel Songs a series. Starting with Two Pints Of Lager... and a Packet of Crisps.
Of course, everyone here will know the original version by Kentish ambassadors of "punk pathetique", Splodgenessabounds...
You're probably also aware that the song inspired a long-running BBC sitcom starring Will Mellor, Sheridan Smith and Ralph Little.
However, you may not have heard this sequel, released late last year by promising Norwich five-piece Bag of Cans.
Not being a drinker, I don't spend a lot of time in pubs these days (you're far more likely to find me in a coffee shop), but I still think this is a worthy update. Those of you more familiar with propping up a bar or two might find it painfully accurate...
Yesterday, we had a picture of Whoopi Goldberg at the top of the post. Today, it's Sean Connery. What do they have in common? Before they were famous, they both worked as bricklayers. Imagine living in a house that Whoopi or Sean built.
In celebration of the humble (but extremely well-paid in a lot of cases) tradespeople, here are ten songs than can build you a house and unblock your drains in one go...
10. Large blob and Scottish monster in abundant supply.
A blob is a Splodge. The monster is from Loch Ness. Abounds means "in abundant supply".
I'm not sure he needs it yet, he's still a few years off being a sweaty teenager, but apparently it's the thing. So his mum bought him some Lynx. Because the makers have moved away from the ridiculous notion that if you spray yourself with Lynx, thousands of teenage girls will come chasing after you (presumably with some bleach and a scrubbing brush) and now they're promoting themselves via the notion of sporting prowess - wearing Lynx will make you into a G.O.A.T.
It probably goes without saying that I have a problem with Lynx. Due to "odour-linked memories", I don't get The Lynx Effect... I get The Proust Effect.
This name came about because the author Marcel Proust wrote in his book, Swann’s Way, that the smell of a pastry he dipped in his tea brought on a rush of joy associated with his childhood.
However, due to our storytelling brain, the opposite is also true. I don't know if Marcel Proust ever smelt Lynx deodorant, but if he did, I hope it whisked him back to school changing rooms on a wet Wednesday afternoon, when all the footy lads were raring to go, and young Proust was feeling queasy, intimidated and ready for his weekly hour of humiliation. Because that's what happens to me. One whiff of Lynx and I end up right back here...
I'm taking a little blogger-break at the moment to clear my head, though Saturday Snapshots will continue as usual... and so will Guest Post Thursday... well, this week and next, for sure. After that, it's up to you.
Today's guest is probably the blogger I've known longest (or certainly as long as JC), since he is one of the few people who followed me over from my previous blog, Sunset Over Slawit. He's also an excellent writer (check out his novel Drawn To The Deep End if you haven't already), and someone I've been honoured to collaborate with in the past.
This is his first appearance at My Top Ten though, and it took the booze to tempt him.
The thought that I could have a crack at part three of the Top Ten Booze Songs came about purely because two great songs occurred to me that neither Rigid Digit nor C had mentioned. Of course, I then had to think of eight more, so apologies for quality control issues - maybe this is the bottom ten booze songs?
In the first verse, these vices are all the Manc mono-brows find. By the second verse, they are all they need. Dependency alert, kids! Could have gone for Champagne Supernova, I suppose (Part IV, anyone?)
(I'm keeping schtum over this one... except to say, I find it appropriate that the video begins in a toilet. - Rol.)
For everyone who has ever had trouble getting served, when the bar staff see through you to their mate or the person they fancy, and serve them first. My brother bought this on 7".
A track that has suffered from its ubiquity. I know it's a Neil Diamond song originally, but this is the version everyone knows and sings along to. Goes to my head indeed.
(It goes without saying that I prefer the original. - Rol.)
The sort of song that ought to be playing in the background of every bar scene in Roadhouse. About as far removed from the kind of pub I'd like to frequent. Wasn't this William Hague's favourite song? Or did he only claim fourteen beers...? :)
Whilst I welcomed the relaxation of licensing laws, I sort of miss the ritual of closing time, the bell, last orders at the bar, getting another round in quick ... and knowing the same ritual was happening in every other pub all over the place. "You don't have to go home but you can't stay here."
A sobering (see what I did there?) reminder that just has to follow Closing Time. Not his finest moment, of course, but you can't argue with the sentiment.
1. Gene - Sick, Sober and Sorry
And a tune for the morning after, perhaps? Although any remorse has to be tempered with the opening lines: "Please don't stop me from drinking, It's my only joy..." And if I'm honest, this is the only tune here that would me in my top ten booze songs, if Rigid Digit and C hadn't bagged all the best ones already! Anyway, here's a good live version, with an appropriate introduction:
Thank you, Martin. You know I love Gene almost as much as you do, though I'd kind of forgotten how good this one was. Makes me miss them all the more.
Another fine selection of booze songs... though I doubt we've covered all of them. If you fancy contributing your own list, you know where I am.
Good morning. Hope you're all having a Jolie Sunday, and not a Maleficent one. Hopefully you didn't have to raid any tombs to come up with the answers to yesterday's quiz...
9. Refusal to fantasise over Roy Orbison tune makes home a squash and a squeeze.
A Squash & A Squeeze is a kid's book by the author of The Gruffalo, Julia Donaldson. Probably the best kids' writer around these days. Anyway, it's about a house that gets very crowded.
OK, so I know L7 weren't named after a Liverpool postcode... but my cred is already in tatters, I'm not about to open a post with a picture of East 17.
Anyway, songs named after (British) postcodes. A challenge I just couldn't resist. I couldn't think of any named after American postcodes... or zip codes... though I'm happy for you to suggest them. The closest I came was Kitchen by The Lemonheads, because they were "thrilled to be in the same postcode as you".
Here's ten songs that even Postman Pat should be able to deliver to the right address...
"A parody of the Sex Pistols." Which is all very good, but if ever there was a band that were perfectly capable of being a parody of themselves without any help from anyone else, it was the Sex Pistols.
Inner city Manchester... although the person who uploaded the song to youtube filled the video with pictures of the South Bank. You can imagine the comments!
Lets the stars shine on Until the break of dawn Let the stars shine on And let her move, move like a queen Of Longsight M13
I was disappointed to learn that M5 by The Fall is about the motorway, not Salford.
Ray writes a letter to the editor from his home in Muswell Hill, complaining about the state of Britain today... a recurring theme from the infamous Little Englander.
I close my eyes and lay back and I think of England I dream about that green and pleasant land we knew as England That throne of kings, that sceptred isle set in a silver sea Has turned into a laughing stock divided without harmony
I've never been a football fan, but I'm a huge fan of Matt 'Skint & Demoralised' Abbott, and although I've no interest in Leeds United (despite them being a local team to me and the team my dad followed when he was younger) I can hear Abbott's passion in every word of this chant.
I'd love to think this track was an autobiographical account of Shane's arrival in Hampstead...
When I got down to the smoke It was 1963 I got a job doing meals on wheels Round NW3 I was terrorising grannies For ten lousy bob a week I was smashed and blacked And drunk and yawning in NW3
...except that he would have been 6 at the time. Still, this is Shane MacGowan we're talking about, so anything's possible.
I stayed in Hampstead once. Walking down the street, I saw the "comedian" Michael McIntyre talking very loudly into his phone. I'm not a violent man, but I had to be physically restrained from punching him hard in the nose.
1. New Model Army - BD3
The track that inspired this particular Top 10, so I thought it deserved to be Number One. Despite working in Bradford for 20+ years of my life, I never really listened to one of the city's biggest bands while I was there (I was always more of a Terrorvision man) but I stumbled across this pretty recently and couldn't stop listening to it. Further investigation required...
We close early when the nights are slow Hit the Shell garage, Thornton Road Take a long drive up on the moors Park up in a place we know In the back seats getting stoned To forget everything at home Mess about with the bleeping phone Gazing down on the city below Where no one's really sure if this is home
And it's not where you're from or where you've been It's not a matter of blood or of family tree Everybody believes what they want to believe But they come from some kind of refugee Running from something, turned out of somewhere All looking for somewhere, exiled from something And no one's really sure if this is home
Very appropriate lyrics for anyone living in Bradford. Unfortunately, when I google search Pudsey (BD3), all I get is hundred of pictures of the Children In Need bear. The video below is probably more accurate...
Know any other songs named after postcodes? Send your answers on a postcard.
