The United Kingdom of Song #37: Barnsley

Sadly, this post doesn't represent a return to regular blogging or a resurrection of old features. Things are still tumultuous and may be set to get more so... I'm holding my breath on that one and for the best.

I'm not going to bore you with the ups and downs of my current predicament though, particularly as I know many of you are going through tumults of your own. But I put this tune on a compilation for Sam the other day and the mention of Barnsley leapt out at me.

Barnsley is the town where I work, and has been for the last 8 years. It gets a bad rep, as many northern towns do, but I reckon it's got quite a lot going for it, once you get past the "It's grim up north" cliches. The fact that I hate my job has nothing to do with the town in which I work - indeed, having commuted to Bradford for 20+ years prior to that, I find my 40 minute drive to Barnsley to be a delight... if it wasn't for the rocks rolling round in the pit of my stomach the closer I get to my purgatory. It's certainly a nicer and easier place to get to than Manchester, Leeds, Sheffield or any of the sexier cities round these parts... just one of the factors which makes searching for a new job a bit of a minefield.

Anyway, I can't find any other songs that mention Barnsley, but this one was a favourite of mine back in the late Britpop era and it still stands up pretty well today. I've no idea what these lyrics are about though...

Christopher Robin blew his friends away

Wrapped 'em up and moved up Barnsley way

Got a job he's milking plastic trays

Got a line in filling early graves

Take care of yourselves. Nobody else will.

Saturday Snapshots #105 - The Answers

Is it a bird?

Is it a plane?

No, it's just some super answers...


10. Princess & Friend give up.

Princess Di & Ross from Friends. I give up!

Diana Ross - Surrender

9. Climb up the helter skelter, 10 steps on Friday, 11 on Saturday.

To climb a helter skelter you must go up a spiral staircase, no?

The Spiral Staircase - More Today Than Yesterday

8. Audio experiments in Gallic dancehall.

Audio experiments would take place in a Stereo Lab.

Stereolab - French Disko

7. Ronnie James replaced by Genius, crown broken along the way.

Jack fell down and broke his crown.

Ronnie James Dio replaced by Ray 'The Genius' Charles.

Raydio - Jack & Jill

(Yes, that is Ray Parker Jr.)

6. Mental igloo.

Cheesy 80s video alert!

Icehouse - Crazy

5. Reading under-30s' fortunes while heavy machine crosses.

Robert Plant - 29 Palms

4. Brown bruvver in the ring reaches a ranking full stop.

Joe Brown & The Bruvvers.

Boxers fight in the ring.

The Beat sang Ranking Full Stop.

JoBoxers - Boxerbeat

3. 24 hour curls.

The Kinks - All Day & All Of The Night

2. Youthful thought processes discovered in the wreckage.

Black box recorders are found in the wreckage.

Black Box Recorder - Child Psychology

1. Neighbourhood hero's original publication parachutes down for a health check.

Mr. Rogers lived In The Neighbourhood.

An original publication would be a First Edition.



Saturday Snapshots will go Up, Up and Away again next week.

Saturday Snapshots #105

Every night I lie in bed
The brightest colours fill my head
A million snapshots keeping me awake...

Fortunately, you only have to identify 10. Title & artist for each, please.

Yes, you guessed it: on Saturday morning, THIS is the Greatest Show!



10. Princess & Friend give up.

9. Climb up the helter skelter, 10 steps on Friday, 11 on Saturday.

8. Audio experiments in Gallic dancehall.

7. Ronnie James replaced by Genius, crown broken along the way.

6. Mental igloo.

5. Reading under-30s' fortunes while heavy machine crosses.

4. Brown bruvver in the ring reaches a ranking full stop.

3. 24 hour curls.

2. Youthful thought processes discovered in the wreckage.

1. Neighbourhood hero's original publication parachutes down for a health check.

Come Alive again tomorrow morning for the answers... or else there'll be trouble, bub! Snikt!

Saturday Snapshots #104 - The Answers

Come with me if you want to live!

Or at least if you want the answers to yesterday's Saturday Snapshots...

Hasta la vista, baby!


10. Fiery gal comes of age.

A fiery gal might be a Burn-ette.

Johnny Burnette - You're Sixteen

9. Norman painter gets paranoid.

Norman Rockwell was the painter.

Rockwell - Somebody's Watching Me

8. A magnum crown... pity.

A magnum of champagne for a king?

Evelyn 'Champagne' King - Shame

7. Scooters make me itch.

Lambretta makes scooters.

Poison Ivy leaves you in need of an ocean of calamine lotion...

The Lambrettas - Poison Ivy 

6. A mini roll gets chewed up by an air freshener.

"A mini roll" was an anagram.

Marillion - Lavender

5. "They told me to do it!" I explained to the junior Feds.

"They told me to do it!" Who? The voices in your head?

Guided By Voices - Teenage FBI

4. Directions to the French court maze, please?

Hampton Court Maze? FR is France, so that must make it the Frampton court maze? No? Non?

Peter Frampton - Show Me The Way

I don't mind a bit of Peter Frampton, but this sold far more copies than it should have done.

3. Party pooper DJ wouldn't play 50s hits... and his eyeliner stank.

"Eyeliner stank" was another anagram. (Just count yourself lucky I didn't have to do a third for Peter Frampton: Pope TNT Farmer was very close.)

Sleater Kinney - You're No Rock 'n' Roll Fun 

2. Eager nobility wants to hear a song.

A keen earl?

Robert Earl Keen - Let The Music Play

1. Allied forces found on a zebra crossing.

There probably were more than seven nations in the allied forces, but I claim artistic license.

That's it from me for this week, but guess what? Next week? 

I'll be back.

Saturday Snapshots #104

Welcome to your weekly opportunity to be famous for fifteen minutes - if you can solve all this week's clues on Saturday Snapshots. Title and artist for each, please!



10. Fiery gal comes of age.

9. Norman painter gets paranoid.

8. A magnum crown... pity.

7. Scooters make me itch.

6. A mini roll gets chewed up by an air freshener.

5. "They told me to do it!" I explained to the junior Feds.

4. Directions to the French court maze, please?

3. Party pooper DJ wouldn't play 50s hits... and his eyeliner stank.

2. Eager nobility wants to hear a song.

1. Allied forces found on a zebra crossing.

If an artist is "somebody who produces things that people don't need to have", then this quiz proves I'm an artist. Answers tomorrow morning.