My Top Ten Haunted Songs

Have a haunted Halloween on me...


10. Shirley Lee - The Haunted

So much sadness is not good for you...

From last year's excellent double album Winter Autumn Summer Spring, the Spearmint man scares away the spectres.

9. John Fogerty - Haunted House

For the man who gave us Bad Moon Rising, living in a haunted house is no big deal.

8. Seth Lakeman - I'll Haunt You

When Seth Lakeman goes off to sea, his woman promises to be faithful. When the Dear John letter arrives, he threatens a punishment most eerie...

I'll haunt you, haunt your bed
Tap the windows, you'll wake in dread
I pray that you love me instead
I'll haunt you, I'll haunt your bed
And I'll haunt you, sleep in fear!
Whisper secrets in your ear
A world away but I'll be near,
I'll haunt you.

7. Dodgy - Melodies Haunt You

Not the Dodgy song everybody remembers, but certainly less dodgy than many of their Britpop contemporaries.

6. Superman Revenge Squad - Yeah, This House Is Haunted

Can't go wrong with a bit of Superman Revenge Squad every now and then. Great lyrics, as always.

5. Saint Etienne - Haunted Jukebox

From the new Saint Etienne album, Words & Music, which is really quite lovely in places.

4. Pavement - Haunt You Down
 
Just a guess here, but Stephen Malkmus might be seeing ghosts because of something he's been smoking. Hardly a case for Scooby Doo or Peter Venkman. 

3. Haunted Love - Werewolf

A seriously spooky song from a New Zealand band named after an old Charlton horror comic. What's not to love?

2. Gene - Haunted By You

From the pub to the grave
I'll be haunted by you
Yes, you, you're in my way

Seems as good a place as any to mention the long-awaited solo album by Martin Rossiter... if you haven't ordered your copy yet, find out more about it here.

Gene almost won their second Number One here on My Top Ten... and then I remembered this...

1. Sinéad O'Connor & Shane MacGowan - Haunted

As everyone's favourite Christmas record proves, there's something irresistible about pairing the drunken bum vocals of Shane MacGowan with an angel. Kirsty will always be the most famous example of that... but Sinéad comes a close second. Just beautiful.

The first time I saw you 
Standing in the street 
You were so cool you could have 
Put out Vietnam

Those were the most haunting songs in my collection... but which one keeps you awake a night?

My Top Ten London Songs

This weekend, I have mostly been in a small southern village... amazingly, despite it being the kind of one-cow town that doesn't even appear on most maps, a few songwriters have still made records about it. Here are ten of the best... 

(By the way, don't all start crying out for Waterloo Sunset or Parklife or Baker Street... the rules of this one were It Must Have London In The Title. And I still could have done another twenty...)


10. Frank Turner - The Ladies Of London

Like How Soon Is Now relocated down south...

There’s so many beautiful girls in here tonight,
I can hardly stand it.
Where do they go during the day?
Who the hell do they go home with at the end of the night?
I don’t understand it.
They never go home with me.

9. The Pet Shop Boys - London

One of their best songs. Especially the piano version.

8. Luke Haines - Love Letter To London

Luke Haines has written many songs about the south. And quite a few about the north. He's always a lot nicer when on his home turf...

7. The Smiths - London

Not actually one of my favourite Smiths songs, but still better than most other things in life.

Do you think you've made the right decision this time?

6. Gene - London, Can You Wait?

Gene beat the Smiths for once - who'da think it?

5. The Pearlfishers - London's In Love

The word 'luscious' was coined to describe records by the Pearlfishers.

I walk the busy streets of london 
On a beautiful cold November day 
And I feel the buildings, and I hear the traffic 
And the zum of the telephone wires 
So many people, so many stories 
Too much for a worried boy from the north 
I’m applying for the role of most disenchanted soul on Piccadilly

4. ELO - Last Train To London

Many years ago, when I started work in the Evil Industry, this was the only ELO record on the playlist at the radio station I was sentenced to. It came round as a recurring oldie about three times a day. Because some idiot in charge thought it "tested" well. There's nothing wrong with the record, but there are a dozen other great ELO singles they could have played for variety. But oh no, that's not what the listeners wanted...

3. Thea Gilmore & Sandy Denny - London

Written, though never released, by the late Sandy Denny. Finally given life by the divine Ms. Gilmore. Great to hear this played as part of the Olympics coverage.

2. Warren Zevon - Werewolves Of London

Ah-ooo!

He's the hairy-handed gent who ran amuck in Kent
Lately he's been overheard in Mayfair
Better stay away from him
He'll rip your lungs out, Jim
I'd like to meet his tailor

1. The Clash - London Calling

 Well, it had to be, didn't it?






Those were mine... but which is your capital city song?

My Top Ten James Bond Themes

Apparently there's a new James Bond film out this week. I know, I wish they'd spend a little more money promoting it too, it can be very easy for low-budget films like this to slip through the cracks and not find their audience at the multiplex. Still, if you can't find a cinema in your local area that's taking a punt on it, here's a reminder of some of 007's greatest hits. I actually quite like Adele's new theme song... but not as much as these...


10. Jack White & Alicia Keys - Another Way To Die (from Quantum of Solace)

A little too derivative to be considered classic, but Jack White has a License To Kill.

9. a-ha - The Living Daylights

I never rated Timothy Dalton, he's probably my least favourite Bond (Lazenby might clinch it... were On Her Majesty's Secret Service not such a great film despite him). That whole "new man" thing was such an 80s blunder for a character like Bond. This was by far the best thing about The Living Daylights.

8. Rita Coolidge - All Time High (from Octopussy)

Written by John Barry (and Tim Rice), hence: ace. Even better: the Pulp cover version. 

Speaking of Pulp, how much better would Tomorrow Never Dies have been if their theme tune had been chosen over Sheryl Crow's?

7. Shirley Bassey - Diamonds Are Forever

John Barry again, with Don Black on lyrics, and - of course - the immortal Dame Shirley on diamonds.

6. Nancy Sinatra - You Only Live Twice

So good, Robbie Williams stole its timeless intro for his second biggest hit. Barry again.

5. Paul McCartney & Wings - Live & Let Die

Possibly the first Bond film I ever saw, so Roger Moore and his eyebrows were officially MY Bond... as a kid, at least. I like Macca's original, but I do prefer Axl's sneering cover. It's just so nasty.

4. Shirley Bassey - Goldfinger

Barry, Bassey... and a young Jimmy Page on guitar. Or so legend has it. 

3. Louis Armstrong - We Have All The Time In The World (from On Her Majesty's Secret Service)

Whenever I'm stuck behind a car driving at 20 miles an hour, I call the driver a 'Louis'. Well, it's better than some of the words I might choose.

As mentioned previously, though I don't particularly rate Lazenby, OHMSS has possibly the best Bond plot ever. That final scene is just a killer. And this - John Barry and Hal David... well, nobody does it better.

Or do they...?

2. Carly Simon - Nobody Does It Better (from The Spy Who Loved Me)

Written by Marvin Hamlisch and Carol Bayer Sager (of You're Moving Out Today fame), this is the song that most says Bond to me... well, apart from our far too obvious Number One. (Aimee Mann does a lovely cover too.)

1. John Barry - The James Bond Theme

Not the Moby version, the David Arnold version or the one where some idiot decided it might be a good idea to let random tone-deaf Irish egomaniacs with a God Complex have a go. The original... and still the best.




Those were my best Bonds... but which is your Nobody Does It Better?

My Top Ten Rat Songs

Ten songs about vermin. Because it's a wet Monday.


10. Roland Rat - Rat Rapping

You had to be there.

9. UB40 - Rat In Mi Kitchen

Yes, I know I featured this not long ago in my Top Ten Kitchen songs, but I can hardly ignore it here, can I?

Short of me doing a Top Ten 'In My' songs, this should be the last you hear of it.

8. The Automatic - Rats

...does sound a little like a car alarm. Still.

I remember someone saying
That there's always at rat close by

7. The Pogues - Gartloney Rats

The Gartloney Rats they play away
They'd play for the pints and not for the pay
And the pints they'd go down in the usual way
And they'd never get drunk but stay sober

6. Badly Drawn Boy - Year Of The Rat

Not a badly drawn song... but I prefer the Al Stewart one it's paraphrasing. Cats beat rats any day.

5. Laptop - Ratso Rizzo

Whatever happened to Jesse Hartman? Here's his tribute to Dustin Hoffman...

4. The King Blues - The Schemers, The Scroungers & The Rats

Sadly, the King Blues broke up earlier this year... just a few months after I discovered them. I miss them already.

So hats off to the schemers, to the scroungers, to the rats,
To the ones who sleep on mattresses on the floor, clutching baseball bats,
To the beggars and the cheaters and the kings who rise at noon,
To the scoundrels, the misfits, the parasites, this one’s for you.

The crummy live recording on youtube doesn't really do the song or the band justice, but try and seek out the original if you can. It's well worth your time.

3. The Specials - Rat Race

Did Roddy “Radiation” Byers write Common People 15 years before Jarvis? (I had to check - I almost credited this to either Terry or Jerry.)

You plan your conversation to impress the college bar
Just talking about your Mother and Daddy's Jaguar
Wear your political T-shirt and sacred college scarf
Discussing the worlds situation but just for a laugh

2. The White Stripes - I Think I Smell A Rat

Jack White makes songwriting look so damned easy, doesn't he?

1. The Boomtown Rats - Rat Trap

The best Bruce Springsteen song ever written by a bunch of Irish reprobates and their soon-to-be-swearing-on-TV frontman, Sir Bob. This is Born To Run without the escape clause. I've always loved this record.

Top of the Pops obviously made Mr. Geldof change the lyrics to the line "Pus and grime ooze from the scab-crusted sores". Unfortunately, I can't make out what he's singing instead. Any guesses?




These are the vermin I found scuttling about in my record collection. Which one is your pet rat?

My Top Ten Hollywood Songs

Back to my American tour... with ten songs about Tinseltown.

Special mention, of course, to Frankie. Relax!


10. Suede - This Hollywood Life

Brett Anderson's songwriting has always combined glitter and grubbiness, so an ode to the capital city of both seemed inevitable.

9. Kasey Chambers - Hollywood

Kasey laments the fact that real life ain't like the movies. A cliche, perhaps... but that voice!

8. Ryan Adams - Goodnight, Hollywood Boulevard

Yeah, right.

7. The Blue Nile - Tinseltown In The Rain

 Glaswegian genius, from their debut album... 28 years ago. (Ouch.)

6. Father John Misty - Hollywood Forever Cemetery Sings

One of the more interesting new records I've discovered this year comes from ex-Fleet Fox J. Tillman aka Father John Misty. This is a standout track from his debut album (as FJM), Fear Fun.

5. The Wedding Present - Spider-Man On Hollywood

Comic book fan David Gedge obviously didn't think Hollywood's version of Spider-Man measured up to the one he read as a kid. And of course, he turns that into a metaphor for disappointing relationships.

4. Eminem - Say Goodbye To Hollywood

Another woe-is-my-awful-life ode from Slim Shady, but when he writes lines like this...

Bury my face in comic books, cause I don't want to look
At nothin', this world's too much

...well, obviously, I can relate.

Not to be confused with...

3. Billy Joel - Say Goodbye To Hollywood

Look, if you don't like Billy Joel... you don't like music. The Phil Spector-esque production on this BJ classic proved irresistible to Phil's ex, lead Ronette Ronnie Spector who went on to record her own version... with a little help from the legendary E Street Band.  

2. Codeine Velvet Club - Hollywood

Sometimes side projects prove more exciting than an artist's day job. Codeine Velvet Club was the brainchild of lead Fratelli Jon Lawler and Glasgow club singer Lou Hickey. The male/female harmonies and big 60s production numbers they created on the band's 2009 debut album promised great things... though sadly, it doesn't seem they're destined to work together again.

1. Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band - Hollywood Nights

One of beardy-Bob's bristling best.

In those Hollywood nights
In those Hollywood hills
She was looking so right
In her diamonds and frills
All those big city nights
In those high rolling hills
Above all the lights
She had all of the skills

Which Hollywood hit is your heartthrob?