Hot 100 #9

Nine below Zero for your band this week, Rol, or Nine Black Alps? asked Charity Chic.

Neither, as it happens.

Here, have some Trent Reznor.

Nine Inch Nails - Hurt

Although you may prefer the Johnny Cash version... I think even Trent Reznor does.

Johnny Cash - Hurt

One final 9 band was suggested by Jim in Dubai...

9 Steps to Ugly - Eddie Lopez Lives in Slough

Which brings us to the 9 songs...

36 comments and counting from last week, as I begin to type this up. To be fair though, most of them were from George, who doesn't even like this series. Here's his first suggestion...

John Lennon had a really truly awful single in the mid 70s called Number nine dream. Don't include that in your list.

Well, since you asked so nicely, George...

John Lennon & The Plastic Ono Band - #9 Dream

I've got to say, I'm with George on that though: that is bloody awful. Don't watch the video either, unless you want to catch Yoko Ono in leather hotpants. I'm sorry, but I'm siding with Paul on this one.

At least the REM version doesn't have Yoko in it. Or her hotpants.

REM - #9 Dream

Let's call on The Swede to return us to sanity...

'Nine Funerals of the Citizen King' - Henry Cow

Y'know, it's really help me if you listed the artist first, Swede. Just saying. Otherwise, every week, I have to do this...

Henry Cow - Nine Funerals of the Citizen King

And you can save yourself the trouble of typing the inverted commas too, if you like, since they're not in my style guide.

Oh, hang on, here's Brian.

How about that early bird they call the Swede? How does he do it? I bet he sat in front in school (and he's tall!) and was never tardy too. 

I know, Brian. But let's not interrupt him when he's in full swing.

Sun Ra - Rocket Number Nine

Floyd Tillman - Each Night at Nine

Meat Puppets - Nine Pins

Whenever I heard the name Meat Puppets, I expect them to be some kind of industrial metal / goth band... not a million miles from Nine Inch Nails. I never fail to be amazed by how they actually sound.

Caravan - Nine Feet Underground

There's 22 minutes of my life I won't get back.

Which seems an appropriate time to interrupt The Swede's list (again) and bring up this suggestion from John Medd...

Emerson, Lake & Palmer - Karn Evil 9 

All 29 minutes of it!

Bloody good call John! says The Swede.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! says George.

Now much as I like the idea of torturing George, I'm afraid I have to agree with him again on this. Which makes twice in the same week. I am now officially worried for my mental health.

And the perfect lyrical opener for next weeks column... says Rigid Digit.

Trust me, I listened to the opening lyrics... and I couldn't make head or tail of them.

Welcome back, my friends

To the show that never ends

We're so glad you could attend

Come inside! Come inside

Really? Is that what he was singing? Why can't he enunciate? He was so much nicer when he was singing about Father Christmas.

Speaking of properly enunciating: back to The Swede's list...

The Fall - Nine Out Of Ten

Didn't we have that last week?

Moon Mullican - Nine Tenths of the Tennessee River

World's Experience Orchestra - Nine Degrees and Cold

The Mighty Diamonds - Cat-O'-Nine

I think this was The Swede's last suggestion this week. I don't think I missed any out...

The Studio One Band - Nine Pence

Can't find that last one anywhere on t'internet, but I'm sure it's a belter. It's got to be better than John Lennon and ELP anyway. Eh, George? Go on, old pal, it's you and me against the world this week. What else have you got for me?

Before Charity Chic posts it: 

Dolly Parton - 9 To 5 

Now that's more like it! Who doesn't get excited by the opening bars of that solid gold classic? Gives me shivers, it does.

And does the Sheen Easton song count, as the 9 to 5 bit is in brackets? 

Sheena Easton - Morning Train (9 to 5)

Of course it does... just listen to that intro too! Blimey. Makes me want to do high kicks. I've got half a mind to let you take over this feature, George.

But first, here's Swiss Adam...

Jesus and Mary Chain - 9 Million Rainy Days

Although strictly speaking, that's not 9, it's 9,000,000.

Yeah, but it's a great tune, so I'll let you have it.

All my time in hell is spent with you

Sounds like someone's getting sick of lockdown!

Lynchie's up next, and it looks like he's trying to outdo George's opening suggestion this week...

For next week there's The Beatles with the truly horrendous "Revolution 9"

The Beatles - Revolution 9

Yes, Revolution 9 is a perfect example of why the Beatles had to split up. Weird, really, since the same title (minus the 9) produced one of my all time favourite Beatles songs.

The Beatles - Revolution

Revolution 9 is much worse than #9 Dream though, so Lynchie wins that one. What about some decent suggestions instead?

Bob Seger & the Silver Bullet Band - Nine Tonight

Alice Cooper - Public Animal #9

Much better. Anything else?

It's probably against the rules but there's the fabulous "Wicked" Wilson Pickett song "634-5789" (and Ry Cooder did a tremendous cover of it!)

It is against the rules, but I let Swiss Adam break the rules for the same reason... just don't try and use it repeatedly over the new few weeks.

Wilson Pickett - 634-5789

And finally from Lynchie...

Charity Chic's mention of the band Nine Below Zero reminded me that they're named after a blues song - "Nine Below Zero" by Sonny Boy Williamson.

Sonny Boy Williamson - Nine Below Zero

Now, it's been at least 7 songs since I let George have a word. What else does he have for us?

The Clovers - Love Potion Number 9

Belter.

Wow, Rol, your Hot 100s are getting longer and longer, says C. I suspect this trend is set to continue for a few more weeks...

What doesn't kill you just makes you stronger, C. As we're all supposed to be discovering at the moment.

I'll go with 'Nine Plan Failed' by Adam & The Ants from his arty Dirk Wears White Sox days.

Adam & The Ants - Nine Plan Failed

Martin was straight in when he saw that suggestion...

Don't forget Apollo 9 by Adam Ant, from his solo days!

Adam Ant - Apollo 9

How could we?

Well, whoopsin-a whoopsin 

Jan jan jammering 

Yabba-yabba-ding-ding 

Delta hey max nine

Anything else, Martin?

Prince and TNPG - Love 2 the 9s 

I reckon Prince might feature quite a bit over the next few weeks.

The Breeders - Drivin' on 9

That was Brian's first thought. It is a top tune. And very un-Breeders.

They Might Be Giants - Pirate Girls Nine 

Love those guys.

The Kinks - Nine To Five (not that one)

Three great songs called 9 To 5. Who would have thunk it? And here's another one... not quite in the same league.

Slade - 9 To 5

Then, of course, there's his...

The Ramones - It's Not My Place (In The 9 To 5 World)

Oh look, Charity Chic's back.

Dave Alvin - Nine Volt Heart

That's a good one! says Lynchie.  And it is too. I've been listening to quite a bit of Dave Alvin lately - his voice is a great comfort. But I didn't know that one, so thank you.

Has George finished yet?

Merle Travis - 9 Pound Hammer

Jim Reeves - Wreck of The Number 9 

Roxy Music - Three and Nine

Apparently not.

Marie (can't link to you this week, Marie, your blog has disappeared again) sided with George on the Nine Pound Hammer, also suggesting this version...

The Monroe Brothers - 9 Pound Hammer

And, in similar vein, this...

Joe Simon - Nine Pound Steel

Ooh. That's nice.

Here's Rigid Digit...

Dr Feelgood - There's A Riot Going On In Cell Block Number 9

Patti Smith - Nine

Aerosmith - Nine Lives

There's an album I've seen in a lot of charity shops.

Bryan Adams - Cloud Number 9

Hard to believe that's the same Bryan Adams who recorded Summer of '69. It's like he's been airbrushed out of existence.

And then came Alyson...

This post reminds me of one of the most epic of epic Chain posts over at Jez's place.

One of my inspirations.

Talking of The Chain he used to have a Worst Record of the Week award so I'm going to nominate song Nine Million Bicycles by Katie Melua. She has a sweet voice and looks stunning but those Mike Batt lyrics drove me mad and I wrote about them over at my place.

Katie Melua - Nine Million Bicycles

Alyson then goes on to explain in detail her issue with this song, but she forbids me from reposting it here (even though it might have helped me beat Jez's record for longest blog post ever). You can read her cutting analysis here though.

Then Lynchie joined in with his own analysis of the Beijing bikes issue:

Fair point about those alleged 9 million bicycles in Beijing, Alyson.
As you suggest - it was closer to 9 and a half million back in 2005 when the Katie Melua song was released.

But, bicycle use in Beijing has dropped from about 60 percent in 1986 to 17 percent in 2010. At the same time, car use has grown 15 percent a year for the last ten years. (Note - these statistics come from a study of cycling in Beijing conducted by Jinhua Zhao, an urban planning professor at the University of British Columbia.

You can find more about the De-Bikification of Beijing here.

I have to admit, I quite like that song though, despite all your objections. My biggest problem is with the video - she's going to ruin that lovely jacket. What a shame.

I bet George is a big Katie Melua fan too. Speaking of George, here's one final suggestion from my new co-writer this week...

Jimi Hendrix Experience - If 6 was 9 

Thanks, George. The cheque's in the mail.

OK, who's left? Oh yes, Douglas...

With all the suggestions above, I hesitate to add to your sifting burden frivolously. But I have always tried to inject a small Canadian element to your rundown, and though Bryan Adams has been listed already, I feel Canada deserves a more fair and balanced representation than just that one...song. So my musings have turned up a short 1 minute exuberant little ditty I hope you will accept, "Song Nein", by Gunnarola. Its lyrics, though nonsensical, are certainly no moreso than "Song 2" by Blur, which surely must feature prominently in a few weeks time. My favourite lyric is the line "Ich habe Sauerkraut in meinen Lederhosen!" And before you look at the Teutonic spelling in the title and cry "Nyet!", I suggest he certainly intends at least a pun on the Nummer Neun, as indeed it comes in its due and proper sequence following numbers einz and zwei all the way through to seven and eight.

For those interested, Gunnarola is a young Youtube artist from London (not of course in England, wherein the Queen lives, but London, Ontario, a gritty industrial town a couple hours west of where I live). He reached his pinnacle of popularity in 2009 with his song "Canadian, Please", which elicited 5 million views for its saucy lyrics extolling the virtues of life in Canada.

Gunnarola - Song Nein

Thank you, Douglas. That made me chuckle.

From Canada, we drift back below the border, stateside, to Brian...

Michael Nesmith - Nine Times Blue

I think it's fair to say Mike Nesmith has a more respectable post-Monkees career than either Lennon or McCartney, post-Beatles. Ooh, little bit of controversy there.

Candy Opera - Nine Times Out of Ten 

That's lovely. I just had to go buy that album from Bandcamp, Brian.

REM - 9-9 (Now that's a winner! I love this era of the band.)

The Ocean Blue - 9pm Direction

That's rather lovely too. But I had to hold off on spending any more money for the moment.

I'm going to miss this series.

Well, that makes one of us, Brian. I do have an idea for what'll replace it though. Hopefully something that doesn't offer up quite so many potential songs every week...

And finally this week, it's over to Jim in Dubai...

Not much left this week but here's what i can add.

London Beat - 9am (great song)

Y'know what, Jim? When you suggested that, I shuddered slightly. Then I listened to it again and... bloody hell, you're right. I'd forgotten what a fine pop song that was.

The Snips - 9 O'Clock

Golden Silvers - True Romance (True No.9 Blues)

That's worth watching at least until 1:04 in the video.

The Thyme Machine - Nine Hundred and Ninety Eight Pieces

Two weeks in a row if you can handle them :-) 

Couldn't find that online, Jim... but after last week's effort, I'm not searching too hard. Thanks anyway.

OK, on with the regular trawl through my own dustbin of sound. Let's see how long that takes this week...

George Harrison - Cloud Nine

See, John? That's how to stay classy post-Beatles.

John Martyn - Number Nine

The Twilight Singers - Number Nine

The Moldy Peaches - Lucky Number Nine

Drive-By Truckers - Nine Bullets

The Fuzztones - Nine Months Later

Here's one for George...

Joe Bethancourt - Nine Yards of Other Cloth

And here's one for Brian...

The Granite Shore - Nine Days' Wonder

So I would dance from here to Norwich in the rain

As long as crowds came out to see me in my triumph and my pain

Speedy - Nine O'Clock News

The Charlatans - Nine Acre Court

E - Tomorrow I'll Be Nine

Class.

Mum - I'm 9 Today

Buxton - Boy Of Nine

Scissors For Lefty - Nine Clouds

Stereophonics - Step On My Old Size Nines

ZZ Top - Big Shiny Nine

Comet Gain - A Million & Nine

Boo Radleys - Upon 9th & Fairchild

NRBQ - Rocket Number 9

Jimmie Rodgers - Blue Yodel #9

The Damned - Plan 9, Channel 7

Camper Van Beethoven - 9 Of Disks

Frightened Rabbit - Square 9

Hot Chocolate - Heartache No. 9

Ian Dury - Bed O' Roses No. 9

My Life Story - March 9th

Tom Waits - 9th & Hennepin

Well, it's Ninth and Hennepin

All the doughnuts have names that sound like prostitutes

And the moon's teeth marks are on the sky

Like a tarp thrown all over this

And the broken umbrellas like dead birds

And the steam comes out of the grill like the whole goddamn town's ready to blow

And the bricks are all scarred with jailhouse tattoos

And everyone is behaving like dogs

Todd Rundgren - If 6 Was 9

Tony Joe White - 9 Foot Sack

Cat Power - 3 6 9

Ben Folds - Claire's Ninth

However, I have to hand it to The Swede again this week, for being the first to suggest what he called "surely a massive contender". Because, yes, it was.

Even before The Temptations start singing, this was the winner...


8. Eight. 8th. Help me please.

Hot 100 #69

If you're a music blogger, and you choose the records you write about because you think other people will think they're cool... and by extension that you are cool for liking them... then you are being a music blogger for the wrong reason. Go be a music journalist if you want people to think you're cool. Go work for the NME. (Well, what's left of it.) Some people - the ones who follow the crowd - may end up thinking you're cool. The rest of us will probably think you're a tool who occasionally gets it right, but... well, at least you'll be getting paid.

No, if you're a music blogger, you you never choose your songs because of what other people might think - about the songs or about you. You should just go ahead and pick the songs you like, write about them, and please yourself. Screw what anybody else thinks. The really cool people (not the NME journalists) will respect you for that, even if they don't agree with you.

Many fine (and cool) songs were suggested for the number 69. Here's a selection...

Serge Gainsbourge & Jane Birkin - 69 Année Erotique (The Swede)

(I quite like Bad Seed Mick Harvey's English translation too: 69 Erotic Year.)

Liz Phair - Go West (Yes, Swede, cold showers after often needed in this house following a bout of Liz Phair)

Stepping down off my platform shoes

Sixty-nine in the afternoon

And I'm waiting for someone in the know

Like Pirner tells me on the radio

Says "Take it from someone who's been there before,

You go west, young man."

The Vines - 1969 (Lynchie)

The Incredible String Band - Way Back In The 1960s (also Lynchie... but one I think we should save for another 9 weeks' time)

Mott The Hoople - Saturday Gigs (Rigid Digit's last hurrah with that one)

Sixty-nine was cheapo wine,

Have a good time,

What your sign

Float up to the Roundhouse

On a Sunday afternoon.

Stiff Little Fingers - 78 RPM (RD again, and the second mention for this one... although it could have been running for longer than The Hoople has)

Sixty-nine, it was fine

You say, but by seventy-nine it's gonna be mine

Iggy & The Stooges - 1969 (RD, C and Swiss Adam went for this... the cool choice!)

Sonic Youth - Death Valley '69 (C and Swiss Adam both going for the really cool choice)

Sandi Thom - I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker (With Flowers In My Hair) (Alyson - I was going to say the "contemporary" choice, but then I realised this is 13 years old)

Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair

In seventy seven and sixty nine, revolution was in the air

David Holmes - 69 Police (Swiss Adam with another "contemporary" offering... from 18 years ago)

REM - Star 69 (C and Swiss Adam with my runner-up)

Oh, and of course, Charity Chic had to throw in a mention for this lot, who would have been at the top of the page were it not for my favourite Magnetic Fields album...

Other contenders from my own record collection included...

Booker T & The MGs - Soul Clap '69

Babes In Toyland - Sweet 69

Adam Ant - 1969 Again

Mouse & The Boys -- Xcedrin Headache #69 (not sure where that came from - some old psychedelia compilation)

The Fuzztones - Highway 69

Rick James - She Blew My Mind (69 Times)

Albert Collins - 69 Underpass Roadside Inn

...and... wait for it... wait for it...

Ministry - Psalm 69 (a godawful racket, but it makes me smile)

Phew - 69 appears to be an inextricably popular number with popular musicians. Go figure.

In the end though, I refer you all back to my opening paragraphs. There could only be one winner this week, even though I knew it wouldn't be a particularly popular choice in many quarters. It's a song I've written about before here and may even do so again. Sorry if you don't like it: your loss.

(Oh, and in case you're going to accuse me of choosing a year song when there were some fine non-year tracks I could have had instead... well, Bryan himself claims this song isn't about 1969 at all...)



68 next week, and an equally obvious choice for me. We'll see if you agree...

Snapshots #436: Songs that share a title with an Elvis hit

They sound like an Elvis song... until you listen to them, and then they don't sound anything like an Elvis song!

15. Samuel, Gordon, Kate.

Three famous Jacksons.

The Jacksons - This Place Hotel (a.k.a. Heartbreak Hotel)

Michael Jackson wrote this song in 1980. When the record company told him to change the title, he claimed never to have heard the Elvis song. The Jacksons still sing “Heartbreak Hotel” all the way through. Bearing in mind that you can’t copyright a title, they should have left it as it was.

Elvis Presley – Heartbreak Hotel

14. Goes with Harvey and Ziggy’s son.

PJ Harvey and David “Ziggy Stardust” Bowie’s son, Duncan.

PJ & Duncan - Stuck On U

Not to be confused with…

Elvis Presley – Stuck On You

13. My hearing’s getting worse – I think he’s on Prime.

John Prine – Way Down

Not to be confused with…

Elvis Presley – Way Down

12. Sportsman Vivian comes a cropper.

“Sportsman Vivian” was an anagram.

Transvision Vamp – Baby I Don’t Care

Not to be confused with…

Elvis Presley – Baby I Don’t Care

11. Seveny dwarves not pictured.

Snowy White - Burning Love

Not to be confused with…

Elvis Presley - Burning Love

10. I bet they all feel The Mark of a Man these days.

The Mark of a Man was the tagline for Old Spice. They’re ALL Old Spice these days!

Spice Girls - Too Much

Not to be confused with…

Elvis Presley – Too Much

9. Quattro di Corleone.

Gang Of Four – Paralysed

Not to be confused with…

Elvis Presley - Paralysed

8. Sultans Wipe Shakespeare’s… erm, you can guess the rest.

Sultans of SWING, Wipe OUT, Shakespeare’s SISTER.

Swing Out Sister – Surrender

Not to be confused with…

Elvis Presley - Surrender

7. Moolah, Scratch, Wonga.

Bread – The Guitar Man

Not to be confused with…

Elvis Presley - Guitar Man

6. Interior: nine pm… it’s all confused.

“Interior: nine pm” was an anagram.

Minnie Riperton - Loving You

Not to be confused with…

Elvis Presley – Loving You

5. ¾ ft + 88/44 lines.

Three quarters of a foot is nine inches. The Nails sang 88 Lines About 44 Women.

Nine Inch Nails – Hurt

Not to be confused with…

Elvis Presley - Hurt

4. Robert, a Citizen, on his way to the Palace.

Robert Lindsay was Citizen Smith. He never got into Buckingham Palace.

Lindsey Buckingham - Trouble

Not to be confused with…

Elvis Presley - Trouble

3. He’s Wilder about a hussy.

Gene Wilder loves a Jezebel.

Gene Loves Jezebel – Suspicion

Not to be confused with…

Elvis Presley - Suspicion

2. Concentrate.

I’m sure these guys were Not From Concentrate.

Orange Juice – Rip It Up

Not to be confused with…

Elvis Presley – Rip It Up

1. Lana and Kathleen join a creepy family.

Lana & Kathleen Turner with the Addams Family.

Elvis Presley - It's Only Love 

Bryan Adams & Tina Turner – It’s Only Love

Put on your Blue Suede Shoes and prepare to get All Shook Up again next Saturday...

Neverending Top Ten #5.4: Nine

Sam is nine today.

Happy birthday, buddy.

Always try to be better than your old man and you'll stay on the right track.

For the rest of you... this is Sam's favourite record at the moment. I did not introduce him to this one.

Apparently Rick Astley is amazing if you're nine years old. He is da man. 

Who knew?

I hated this when it came out. I've developed a grudging respect for Rick over the years, especially when he did that gig of Smiths songs. But Sam has made me hear the song in a completely different way. It's doubly affecting now. In years to come, it will remind me of being 15, and of being 50. How many songs can you say that about?

Hot 100 #11

And so we reach the end of double digits on the Hot 100 Countdown, with lost 80s postpunk pioneers (they might not have been pioneers, I just couldn't resist the alliteration), Eleven Pond. Here they are in all their glory...

Eleven Pond - Portugal

I'm actually surprised by how few 11 Songs I (and you) could find. Somehow, I expected there to be more. Still, we start the official Top Ten next week, so I imagine we'll be spoilt for choice then.

As is often the case, The Swede was first out of bed last Tuesday morning... with a selection of tracks I struggled to find any audio for on the interweb...

Bill Wells & Aidan Moffat - The Eleven Year Glitch

Hatfield and the North - Elevenses

Thin White Rope - Eleven

Then came Lynchie, who broke the first rule of Hot 100 Club with his first suggestion...

U2 - 11 O'Clock Tick Tock (The lyrics are crap but the guitar's pretty neat)

Sadly, I struggled to find a link for that anywhere on the interweb either. The difference being, I did at least try to find links for all The Swede's suggestions.

Fortunately, Lynchie redeemed himself (slightly) with this...

Nine Below Zero - Eleven Plus Eleven

Not my fave Nine Below Zero track, he adds. I bought "Don't Point Your Finger" in 1981 and it has the mega awesome "Ain't Coming Back".

Nine Below Zero - Ain't Coming Back

That is pretty cool, thanks.

George crawled out of the woodwork next with three top suggestions...

Blondie - 11.59 from Parallel Lines

(Worth watching that video for a supremely Debbie Harry performance by Debbie Harry.)

Hank Locklin - Seven or Eleven... surely this week's winner?

Surely not, but a fine song anyway.

Before Charity Chic gets to it, what about...? 

Buck Owens - A-11

As it turns out, Charity Chic only had the following this week (which he called "My entries for this week and next!", though I'm sure he'll come up with something else for 10).

Terry Hall & Mushtaq - Ten Eleven

Lee Hazlewood - Ten or Eleven Towns Ago

I tell you what, that Lee Hazlewood could have been in with a shot... if I'd heard it before today. What a tune!

Swiss Adam dropped by next with an excellent (hidden) suggestion...

The last song on REM's Green is sometimes called the Eleventh Untitled Song...

REM - Untitled

...which is definitely better than the REM song I was going to put forward this week...

Oh, hang on... Last Minute Arrival: here's Douglas McLaren with the same idea as me...

Late to the game again. I'm going with "Rotary Eleven", the b-side to r.e.m.'s Losing My Religion. I bought the cd single back in the day and was disappointed that it was an instrumental, but now after many years I have grown to really like it.

REM - Rotary Eleven

We're on the same wavelength again, Douglas... just not a winning one this week. Thanks anyway.

And then came Alyson...

Tin Tin Out - Eleven To Fly

...featuring Wendy Page, apparently.

No, me neither.

Starting to wonder if we're going to get to No. 1 whilst still in lockdown.

I seriously hope not, Alyson, or I might be compiling this feature from a rubber room by then.

Time for Jim in Dubai...

Momus - Eleven Executioners

Sigue Sigue Sputnik - Love Missile F1-11

I like that a lot more now than I did when it was actually out. Very bizarre to find the cover version below in my collection though...

David Bowie - Love Missile F1-11

Dead or Alive - Number Eleven

Julian Casablancas - 11th Dimension

Pete Wylie - Four Eleven Forty Four

James Dean Driving Experience - Dean's Eleventh Dream

Rigid Digit found most of his songs had been chosen by others this week, leaving him with only this...

Paul Weller - 111

...which I'm not sure counts. However, knowing how stroppy Mr. Weller can get at times, we'll let him have it. Although... I'm sorry, Paul, but it's hardly Down In The Tube Station At Midnight, is it?

And finally, there was Brian, who also felt rather limited this week...

Like Saturday's quiz, you gotta get in early around here. All but one of mine taken already. I'll leave you with:

The Wondermints - Project 11

All in all, it wasn't a great week for this feature, was it? I expected more from eleven. Here's the rest of my own findings...

Daisy Chainsaw - Room Eleven

Scritti Politti - E Eleven Nuts

Cold Seeds - By 11 O'Clock She'd Left

Moss - 11-11

Transvision Vamp - W11 Blues

Hamilton Leithauser - 11 O'Clock Friday Night

Lifter Puller - 11th Avenue Freeze Out

Having listened to all of the above... well, had that Lee Hazlewood track been in my collection, I might well have given it to him. And I was tempted by Sigue Sigue Spitnik, I really was... but 14 year old Rol kept screaming 'Nooooooo!'

In the end then, I went for this. I haven't listened to it in years, but I really enjoyed the first Magic Numbers album, and this was a favourite...



Next week - it's Bo Derek running towards Dudley Moore on a beach. Contemporary references my forte, as always. What's your pick of the Ten Songs?

My Top Ten Maths Songs (Volume 2: Addition)

Maths lessons continue. This week, it all adds up.


10. Medicine Head - One And One Is One

Thanks to Charity Chic for reminding me of this one, otherwise I'd have gone with One Plus One Is One by Badly Drawn Boy, which is also a cool song... but not quite as cool.

They're both rubbish at adding up... but they're not the only ones on this list guilty of that crime.

9. Nine Below Zero - Eleven Plus Eleven

I will hold my hand up and say that there is a gap in my musical education when it comes to Nine Below Zero... I never even liked The Young Ones (apart from their collaboration with Cliff). But there are many bloggers out there who hold this band in high esteem and I must have picked this up from one of them. I like it: particularly the harmonica. Beyond that, I know nothing... 

8. The Violent Femmes - Add It Up

Basically, if you add up the lyrics of almost every pop song ever written then boil the results down to their most basic meaning, this is the product of that equation.

Why can't I get just one screw...?

7. The Beatles - Come Together

Also a suggestion, from an Aussie Beatles fan on Facebook...

He roller-coaster, he got early warning
He got muddy water, he one mojo filter
He say, "One and one, and one is three."
Got to be good-looking 'cause he's so hard to see

Is Abbey Road the best Beatles album? Discuss. (Rather than discussing why the Beatles aren't Number One. Because that's just obvious.)

6. Bob Seger System - 2+2 =?

Long before the sweeping, classic rock Americana of the Silver Bullet Band, Bob Seger was in a bunch of other bands dating back to the early 60s: The Decibels, The Town Criers, Doug Brown & The Omens, The Last Heard... and this, the first to get his name up front. This Vietnam protest record was their first single, from 1969, and Jack White once claimed it was his favourite song. Can you hear any hints of Seven Nation Army in the guitars?

5. Radiohead - 2 + 2 = 5 (The Lukewarm.)

Thom goes all George Orwell on our arses again: if it's not the Karma Police, it's the Thought Police. That's who he blamed George Bush Jr.'s election victory on.

A long time since I listened to this, it sounds a lot better than I remember.

4. Beach Boys - Add Some Music To Your Day

I still consider Sunflower and Surf's Up to be "late period" Beach Boys, which is ridiculous really, when you consider that this was released just 9 years into their career... and they're still going, almost 50 years later!

But there's a maturity to the songwriting on songs like Add Some Music... that's not found on the pure pop cars, girls & surfboards bliss of their classic 60s output. It feels like the nights are drawing in a little, there's an Autumn chill in the air, but they're still doing all they can to hold on to the sunshine... 

3. Love - Seven And Seven Is

Another claimant for the "first ever punk song" crown, here Arthur Lee turns up the psychedelia to 11 before detonating an atomic bomb in its closing seconds. Not even the Sex Pistols got that punk.

Apparently Arthur had the hots for a girl in high school who shared his birthday, March 7th. I'm guessing it never went anywhere, judging by the pent up frustration in his voice...

2. Okkervil River - Plus Ones

When he's on point like this, few contemporary lyricists can match Will Sheff. Here he adds one to a whole host of famous numerical hits and manages to craft a fine love song out of the results...

Listen out for the 97th Tear, 100th Luftballoon, TVC16, 9 Miles High and the 51st Way To Leave Your Lover... among others.

1. Haircut 100 - Love Plus One

I don't care who you are, if you don't consider this one of the greatest pop tunes of the 80s, you need your ears checked. Plus, Nick Heyward is a damned fine bloke, although he wasn't swinging from a rope dressed as Tarzan when I met him.

Where does it go from here?
Is it down to the lake, I fear?

I wish I'd thought to ask him what was so scary down at the lake...




Which is your plus one?

Self-Help For Cynics #41: Life Or Death

I wanted to get back into this series, because there's still much to investigate... and if I don't have the excuse of writing the posts, I'm less likely to do the reading. I'm not going to even attempt to do it weekly anymore, but Cynical Self-Help will continue on an ad hoc basis. 

Before the break, I'd just begun to scrape the surface of anger: what it is, why we get it, and what to do about it. So let's jump straight back into that...

Dean Martin - Ain't That A Kick In The Head

Back when I worked in radio, I was attacked in the street. I've written about it previously: it was a violent incident that could have been much worse, but somehow I managed to talk my way out of it. 

E - I've Been Kicked Around

While I was lying there on the floor, about to have my head kicked in, I did not feel any anger. Fear, yes. But also a kind of calm resolve that helped me get through the situation in one piece. Other people might have got angry - they'd be completely justified - and tried to fight back. But as angry as I might get, I'm not a violent person, and I'm not sure I could meet violence with violence, even to protect myself.

The Barracudas - We're Living in Violent Times

'What is he wittering on about?', you may well ask. Well, the reason I bring this up today is because of LIFEMORTS. According to angry scientist David Banner R. Douglas Fields, writer of Why We Snap: Understanding The Rage Circuits In Your Brain, there are nine potential triggers which cause outbursts of uncontrollable anger. And because scientists love acronyms, the good doctor has created a clever one to help us remember each of these triggers. 

Elvis Costello - Little Triggers

LIFEMORTS stands for... deep breath... 

Life or death

Insult

Family

Environment

Mate

Order In Society

Resources

Tribe

Stopped

Plus, it's clever because mort is French for dead, so the acronym tells us anger is related to... erm... being alive or dead? Well, in a way, that's true, since anger is the brain's way of signalling to us that we need to take action to protect ourselves from a threat. And the first of these threats, according to LIFEMORTS, is clearly the most imperative: a life or death situation. 

The Surfing Brides - A Matter Of Life And Death

Over the next nine posts, I'm going to look at each of these triggers individually, but I have to admit I struggled a bit with the first one. Have I never been in a Life or Death situation? Well, thankfully not in any kind of Hollywood action movie way we might think of. The closest I could come was the scene described above, but then... as I said... I didn't react with anger anyway. I got the signals - thanks, brain, but I think I could have worked that one out for myself - but anger would not have resolved that situation, so a calmer response prevailed.

Stevie Wonder - Be Cool, Be Calm (And Keep Yourself Together)

But wait! Dr. Fields says...

Almost anyone will defend themselves in what is perceived as a life-or-death attack.

And he's not alone, because in her book Unfuck Your Anger, sweary Dr. Faith adds...

The brain's wiring is designed to say, "Hey, you are prolly gonna die right here, so kicking ass is probably your only way out. And even if you can't, you at least won't go down without a fight."

The Teardrop Explodes - ...And The Fighting Takes Over

Of course, fighting isn't the only option to the amygdala's anger / fear signal (and let's face it, in a situation like this, anger and fear are pretty much the same thing). Everybody knows about Fight or Flight responses, but there are two other ways we can react to those signals, as Web MD explains...

The Fight response is your body’s way of facing any perceived threat aggressively. Flight means your body urges you to run from danger. Freeze is your body’s inability to move or act against a threat. Fawn is your body’s stress response to try to please someone to avoid conflict. 

The Levellers - Fight Or Flight

When I reflect on that attack, fawn is probably the response I chose. I tried to be calm and appeal to my assailant's better nature and probably pleaded a little bit... and it got me out of there. I'm not sure trying to fight back would have led to the same resolution, even if I was Jack Reacher.

Billy Nomates - Fawner

I consider myself lucky to have reached the grand old age of 53 without ever being in a life or death situation where kicking ass was the only available response to my brain's warning signals. I wonder if anyone reading this has ever had to fight their way out of a life or death situation? You might not want to talk about it if you have. But in terms of the brain's anger triggers, I'm pretty much dismissing the first one as a non-starter. Because as Martin Luther King said...

Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars.

Or, as I might have said...

If I try and fight back, I'm just gonna get hurt even more. There has to be another solution!

Guest Post Monday: Top Ten Zero Songs

Unable to cope with a Zero edition of the Hot 100 myself, I put the idea out to tender.

First to jump at the opportunity was Charity Chic, who spend a large part of his working week compiling the excellent Top Ten below. He didn't supply a Zero band though, so I chose Remy Zero, who once recorded the theme tune to young-Superman-based TV show Smallville.

Remy Zero - Save Me

I'm running this Guest Post today - rather than on Thursday - because it leads it nicely into the final edition of the Hot 100 tomorrow. Join me then for the full countdown.

In the meantime, take it away, Charity Chic...

Top 10 - Zero Songs

By way of appreciation for Rol’s epic Hot 100 series, I give you a Top 10 of Zero Songs...

10 - The BoomtownRats - Wind Chill Factor (Minus Zero)

Taken from “the difficult third album “ 1979’s The Fine Art of Surfacing, it pre-dates Band Aid, meaning that St Bob was slightly less annoying than he later became.

(Actually, I love that album. - Rol.)

9 - TV 21 - This isZero

TV21 were a post punk band from Edinburgh. Named after a Gerry Anderson comic. Another impressive piece of trivia is that guitarist Ally Palmer is responsible for  curating the Scottish football magazine Nutmeg. I suspect Rol will be aware of the first trivia reference but totally oblivious to the second.

(How right you are. - Rol.)

8 - Bob Dylan - LoveMinus Zero/No Limit

One of the lesser known songs off his 1965 album Bringing it All Back Home.

Described as a hallucinatory allegiance, a poetic turn that exposes the paradoxes of love 

As you would expect, swiftly name checked by The Swede.

7 - Sonny Boy Williamson II - Nine Below Zero

Yes, there were two. The original was John Lee Curtis with number two who is featured here being Alex Miller or Aleck Ford. All very confusing.

(Yeah, you lost me. I'm going to ask George to explain that sentence to me. - Rol.)

Nine Below Zero is also the name of an English Blues band who formed in 1977 and who I saw play on a couple of occasions at Strathclyde Students Union.

6- Isobel Campbell -Below Zero

A lovely song from the album There Is No Other, the first solo album for 14 years from the former Belle and Sebastian chanteuse and Mark Lanegan collaborator. A welcome return.

5 - Yeah Yeah Yeahs -Zero

The opening track from It’s Blitz the third album by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs from 2010.

It was also the first single from the album.

4 - Jill Jackson -Back to Zero

The title track from the 2011 debut solo album by Paisley lass and former Speedway frontwoman Jill Jackson, an artist who I know that Rol has a bit of a soft spot for.

(Indeed. - Rol.)

3 - Public Enemy  - She Watches Channel Zero ?!

A splendid racket and a splendid diatribe by Public Enemy from their seminal album It takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back. As topical now as it was on its release in 1988.

In the words of Chuck D...

I don't think I can handle

She goes channel to channel

Cold lookin' for that hero

She watch channel zero

2 - Joan Armatrading  - Down to Zero

A seriously underrated artist . A track from her eponymous 3rd album from 1976 which also contains the brilliant Love and Affection. The compilation album Track Record is an ideal introduction to her work.

1 - Elvis Costello -Less Than Zero 

No shocks, no surprises. None of the others come close.

I suspect that from the get go most of you would have had this down as the number one

The 1977 debut single from the debut album My Aim is True which introduced the world to the prodigious talent that is Elvis Costello.

Thanks for taking up the baton, CC. You get no argument from me on any of those, especially not the worthy (and only!) Number One.

Of course, that's not to stop anyone else coming up with a second list of Zero Songs, if they think they've got 'em. The doors are always open...