Snapshots #453: Haberdashery Songs

I wanted a picture of a famous dressmaker holding a camera today - but no luck with Vivienne Westwood or Coco Chanel... so here's a famous Taylor instead.

Songs you might find in a haberdashery shop. Unless you're in the US, where haberdashery doesn't mean sewing supplies and accessories, but means men's clothing instead. Apologies for any confusion.

15. Is rankle a verb? Not quite.

"Rankle a verb" was an anagram.

Lavern Baker - Whipper Snapper

14. Duane... had a strange hobby.

Duane Eddy. Arnold Layne had a strange hobby.

Eddy Arnold - Tennessee Stud

13. Leading Successor.

The lead singer in The Replacements...

Paul Westerberg - Man Without Ties

12. Don't be misled by a grateful nark.

"Grateful nark" was an anagram.

Art Garfunkel - Scissors Cut

11. Hyacinth Bucket and Frasier Crane.

The Snobs - Buckle Shoe Stomp

10. What's new in Mississippi, with Guys?

What's New, Pussycat. Pussycat also sand Mississippi. Guys & Dolls.

Pussycat Dolls featuring Snoop Dogg - Buttons

Snoop Dogg not pictured because, well, he's Snoop Dogg.

9. By J.R.R. Tolkien, abbreviated.

Tolkien wrote The Silmarillion, which is where these guys got their name.

Marillion - Hooks In You

8. Do and die with Spielberg and Seagal.

Do+die and two Stevens.

Dodie Stevens - Pink Shoelaces

7. Area, region, borough.

The Districts - Velour & Velcro

6. Strabismic cat meets Sex Machine without brakes.

Clarence The Cross-eyed Lion meets Carter The Unstoppable Sex Machine.

Clarence Carter - Patches 

...or you could have had...

Clarence Carter - Thread The Needle

5. A famous Stewart (minus 100) encounters Scott and Tara.

Patrick Stewart, minus a C and two Fitzgeralds.

Patrik Fitzgerald - Safety Pin Stuck In My Heart

4. French comedian... alternatively, Han Solo's old pal.

Dawn French... or Lando Calrissian.

Tony Orlando & Dawn - Tie a Yellow Ribbon

3. Parents and siblings, initially.

Mother, Father, Sister, Brother...

MFSB - The Zip

2. They refuse.

They are refuse.

Garbage - Felt

1. Known to use engines and frequent parties.

Search engines and search parties.

The Searchers - Needles And Pins

Snapshots returns next Saturday.

Snapshots #435: Alcoholic Beverage Songs

In case you've always wanted a whiskey decanter shaped like a camera, Jeff Bezos is selling them for eighty quid.

The rest of us will have to make do with some songs about booze...

15. Thunder deity with too many Os.

THOR & GOD with extra Os...

George Thorogood - One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer

14. How do you like your jewellery, sire? Not this way, I guess.

"Jewellery, sire" was an anagram.

Jerry Lee Lewis - Jack Daniels (Old Number Seven)

13. Thankfully not The Simpsons.

Not OJ Simpson.

The O'Jays - Brandy

12. Where you'll find a holy blanket... but it sounds like it's falling apart.

Turin, sound like breaks.

Turin Brakes - Martini

11. Sounds like Spike gets Cold Feed, James.

Spike Milli(g)an and James Nesbitt.

Millican & Nesbitt - For Old Time's Sake

That is a drinking song, but I was thinking more in terms of rice wine.

10. Found amid gherkin.

"Amid gherkin" was an anagram.

Mike Harding - Ale Is Physic For Me

9. Broken poet.

Busta Rhymes - Pass the Courvoisier, Part II

8. Could be another name for #7... alternatively, 2,240 pounds.

Beth is short for Elizabeth, as is Lizzy. Or... (a) ton.

Beth Orton - Absinthe

7. Dandy Robot goes Irish.

Tin Lizzy was a robot in The Dandy who gave her name (with an Irish lilt) to these guys...

Thin Lizzy - Whiskey In The Jar

6. Bugle editor likes converted farm buildings.

The editor of the Daily Bugle was J. Jonah Jameson. 

JJ Barnes - Sweet Sherry

5. In the midst of sorcery, son turns to his Cat.

In the midst of sorcery, son... 

Matthew & Son was a song by Cat Stevens.

Cerys Matthews - Chardonnay

4. Where cactus is our friend.

Lyrics from Midnight at the...

Oasis - Champagne Supernova

...or you could have had...

Oasis - Cigarettes & Alcohol 

3. Bright Bo Peep loses more than just her flock.

"Bright Bo Peep" was an anagram.

The Big Bopper - White Lightning

2. Stygian depths.

Lager, lager, lager!

Underworld - Born Slippy (Nuxx)

1. Friend of Woodstock?

Snoopy the dog was best friends with Woodstock.

Snoop Doggy Dogg - Gin And Juice

Please drink responsibly... then join me back here next Saturday with a clear head.

Snapshots #361: A Top Ten Existential Question Songs

Above are a series of self-portraits taken by Austrian philosopher and photographer (although he gave them both up to become a shepherd in later life), Ludwig Wittgenstein. On pondering the great unanswerable philosophical questions, Wittgenstein came up with the best answer I've ever heard when he said, "I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves."

And with that in mind, here are some more big questions to ponder...

10. Pee Wee zeroes in on the answer.

Pee Wee zeroes...

Weezer - Why Bother?

9. When the still sea conspires an armour, and her sullen and aborted currents breed tiny monsters, true sailing is dead!

Those are the 6th Form Poetry opening lyrics of Horse Latitudes by The Doors. But I'm sure you all knew that...

Horse Latitudes - What Is More Than Life? 

8. They're new, but they've been around long enough to be considered outstanding.

Classix Nouveau - Is It A Dream?

7. More than half of Genesis were pretty good.

The first half in particular...

Gene - Why Was I Born?

6. A dreamer, in the Caribbean.  

Freddie was one of the Dreamers. Montserrat is an island in the Caribbean.

Freddie Mercury & Montserrat Caballé - How Can I Go On?

5. We're all going together, on the bus.

Coach Party - What's The Point In Life?

4. What connects Christopher Cross, Utopia, Octopus and Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine? 

Each one contains a TOP. Add them together and you have...

Four Tops - What Is A Man?

3. Furtive canine inquiry. 

Snoop Doggy Dogg - Who Am I?

2. Oz, Raleigh, Pidgeon.

One Frank (Oz) and two Walters...

The Frank & Walters - How Can I Exist?

1. By...! What Cat's In The Cradle is about.

By George! Cats In The Cradle was about Harry's son.

George Harrison - What Is Life?

Thanks for playing. I'll be back with more existential questions for you to ponder tomorrow. 'Will Snapshots return next Saturday?' won't be one of them...

TV On The Radio #1: Hill Street Blues

In my increasingly irrelevant quest to find lyrical references to obscure ephemera, here's a new series in which I dig out songs that mention old TV shows. I realise I'm about to reach Peak Series, or Theme Overload, but it's got to be preferable to any more posts with me whinging like Marvin The Paranoid Android. Hasn't it?

"Dispatch. We have a 9-11. Armed robbery in progress. See Surplus Store, corner People's Drive, 121st Street."

Mike Post's theme tune to Hill Street Blues deserves a post all on its own. Post originally wanted to write something gritty and action-packed, but ultimately decided to go in the opposite direction and compose a "beautiful and serene" theme that took you away from the brutality of life on the Hill. It's one of the most effective and memorable TV themes ever recorded; a Top Ten hit in the US, Top 30 in the UK.

From "beautiful and serene"... to a right old racket.

We're gonna have a TV party tonight
All right!
We're gonna have a TV party, all right
Tonight!
We've got nothing better to do
Than watch TV and have a couple of brews
Don't talk about anything else
We don't want to know
We're dedicated to our favorite shows
That's incredible!
Hill Street Blues!
Dallas!
Fridays!

Black Flag - TV Party

And while I'm not the biggest rap fan, I do have a soft spot for Snoop...

On the move, can't lose, Hill Street Blues

Snoop Dogg - Gangbangin' 101

Next up, here's something that screams EIGHTIES at the top of its lungs. A Jive Bunny-esque Megamix of a bunch of old 10cc songs by Kevin and Lol with added 80s-style rap, because... that's what the kids will love.

I blame the advent of the 12" single for much of this tosh...

I went to a party at the county jail
All the con's were dancing, they began to wail
They were in the street, dancing in the street
But that was indiscreet (what'cha gonna do about it?)
The band was playing, there was plenty of booze
So they called Furillo at Hill Street Blues
There's a riot going on
(What'cha gonna do about it? What'cha gonna do about it?)
Furillo and his men made it to the jail
You should have heard those sirens wail

Godley & Creme - Wet Rubber Soup (Recycled)

To clean your palate after that, here's some hard-rockin' Americana... direct from Portugal. Not to be confused with the former Scottish football player who used to play for Wolverhampton Wanderers.

I don't wanna smell your dirty shoes
Raise me up and sit me on the window
Please take me to the Hill Street Blues
Mama sold me as a wind-up toy

John Black Wolf & The Bandits - Mama Sold Me As A Wind-Up Toy

Finally, some Swedish rock from a band I was very into back in the late 90s... so that's, what, 25 years ago now? Sigh. Still, I started watching Hill Street Blues 40 years ago...

And hey... let's be careful out there!

Saturday Snapshots #161 - The Answers

The masks are off and the songs are revealed!

10. SOS! No jest! Infatuated with a lad!

"SOS! No jest!" was an anagram.

Joss Stone - Fell In Love With A Boy

9. Who let him out? He can't even remember his own identity!

Who let the Dogg out?

Snoop Dogg - Who Am I (What's My Name)?

8. Pervy haircut? It'll all be OK the day after tomorrow.

"Call the cops!" was an extra clue from Shaun Ryder.

It'll all be happy on Monday.

The Happy Mondays - Kinky Afro

Still got one of the best opening lines of any pop song ever.

7. Offspring of red-breasted piper tunes through the static to get a clearer signal. 

Tom, Tom was a piper's son... but also a Robin-son.

Tom Robinson - Atmospherics: Listen To The Radio

6. Young men & women move very fast.

So fast, they're a Blur. Let's face it, that mask doesn't really disguise Damon's identity at all.

Blur - Girls And Boys 

5. Remorse found in meme.

"In meme" is a very simple anagram. Somebody else who might as well not have been wearing a mask.

Eminem - Guilty Conscience

Still my favourite Eminem song, and the single is so much more fun than the album version.

4. Lou eying Mike - ends up dizzy.

"Lou eying Mike" is another anagram. I'm probably overdoing those at the moment.

Kylie Minogue - Spinning Around

3. Good & cheerful... but the cure doesn't work. 

Bon & jovial... but the medicine is bad.

Bon Jovi - Bad Medicine

2. Explosion in city vermin, hates #8.

That's Saint Bob under the mask.

#8 was the Happy Mondays.

Boomtown Rats - I Don't Like Mondays

1. Thumbs up & fingers crossed.

Sir Thumbs Aloft!

No more masks next Saturday, but plenty more Snapshots.