Snapshots #430: Underwear Songs!

Heidi Hi, campers! 

Welcome back to this week's Snapshots – songs about underwear! Ms. Klum is famous for walking about in her skivvies, though she did agree to keep her kit on for propriety’s sake. It was either her or Biggie Smalls…

15. Crazy, Hippy Lit.

Crazy Chick was a song by Charlotte Church. Hippychick by Soho. And Chick Lit by We Are Scientists.

The Chicks - Tights On My Boat

14. Tanya Donnelly. (Donelly. Donnelly. Donnelly.)

Tanya Donnelly was the lead singer of Belly. (Belly. Belly. Belly.)

Echobelly - Pantyhose and Roses

13. It’s not unusual to be a very patient man.

Tom Waits - Pasties And A G-String

12. Chinese troops in a skirmish.

“Chinese troops” was an anagram.

Stereophonics - More Life In A Tramp’s Vest

11. When it comes to not throwing stones, these guys are the rulers.

People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones… but imagine you lived in a Crystal Castle?

Crystal Castles - Through The Hosiery

10. Sounds like a Yes Man to me.

His namesake is Jon Anderson from Yes.

John Anderson - Do You Have a Garter Belt?

Think this was originally a Tony Joe White tune, but Tony appears here regularly.

9. Show me to my seat.

Usher - Lingerie

8. Dado, shags Patti.

Da do Ron Ron… Sex with (Patti) Smith.

Ron Sexsmith - Late Bloomer

7. It takes a bright man to be captain of the England cricket team.  

Sarah Brightman and Michael Vaughan.

Sarah Vaughan – Shiny Stockings

6. Needs ironing out.

The Kinks - Mick Avory's Underpants

Yeah, OK, it’s only an instrumental – but you find a song with underpants in the title!

5. Most stories contain one - Add Me On Snapchat!

Most sTORIes. The Snapchat thing is an acronym that the young people use. Apparently.

Tori Amos - The Power of Orange Knickers

4. May, Kennedy and Wilson, like the cattle.

Three Bri/yans and Highland Cattle.

Bryan Hyland - Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini

Just be glad I didn’t choose the Timmy Mallett version.

3. Brown, South and Jackson get in the ring.

Three Joes, boxing.

JoBoxers - Boxerbeat

2. Frank takes a Scottish wife, in hashtags and angel eyes.

Frankenstein wanted a Bride, though he wasn’t fussed whether she was a Mc.

In hASHtags and angeLEYes.

Ashley McBryde, Caylee Hammack, Pillbox Patti - Brenda Put Your Bra On

And yes, Ashley has some help on that track… but how long do you want my clues to get?

1. REM's 11th album gets a mixed response.

REM’s 11th was the LP UP. Anagram!

Pulp - Underwear

 

Something less pants next Saturday.

Namesakes #165: The Stereophonics

Not many Namesakes to choose from this week, but I can guarantee they're all coming at you in both ears.

THE STEREOPHONICS #1

We kick off with some New York doo-woppers from 1958, led by Floyd and Nora Thomas.

The Stereophonics – No More Heartaches

THE STEREOPHONICS #2

And next, a mid-60s soul band from Detroit.

The Stereophonics – Run On, Little Girl

THE STEREOPHONICS #3

A lovely little tune (reminds me of the Mo Tucker VU Stuff) from Nashville in 1965.

The Stereophonics – I Can’t Help It If I Do

THE STEREOPHONICS #4

Unduly maligned Welsh indie band from Cwmaman, formed in 1992 by Kelly Jones and his mates, still going strong today. I thought their first album was particularly strong, but once they stopped writing about Wales and started writing about LA, I lost interest.

Stereophonics - A Thousand Trees

DA STEREOPHONICS #5

Oom-chakka oom-chakka oom-chakka from 1998, by which time the Welsh Stereophonics had already been bothering the charts for at least a year. Didn't seem to bother these guys...

Da Stereophonics - Tuff Groove

Which one made you cover both your ears?

Snapshots #404: Superman Songs

There's a new Superman film out this weekend... and although I haven't seen it yet, I can confidently predict it will be better than the last few, because Zack Snyder isn't involved. Maybe not quite up to Christopher Reeve's standards, but miracles don't happen that often.

Anyway, here are some Super Songs to celebrate...

15. UN diary reveals they're all a bunch of squares.

"UN diary" was an anagram.

Ian Dury and The Blockheads - Sueperman's Big Sister

14. Kafka in Rio.

Franz Kafka meets Rio Ferdinand.

Franz Ferdinand - Lois Lane

13. Bond villain found by Ash.

Ash did a song called Goldfinger, after Auric...

Goldfinger - Superman

12. Blue eyes gets a shiner.

Frank Sinatra was old blue eyes... a shiner turns them black.

Frank Black - Man Of Steel

11. Protective, instrumental, elementary.

A Johnny is protective, a guitar is an instrument, Watson was... my dear.

Johnny Guitar Watson - Superman Lover

10. Taking an E helped John Wayne and Prince Edward get really, really high.

XTC, under their alias...

Dukes Of Stratosphere - Braniac's Daughter

Sadly, I couldn't find any songs about Lex Luthor. So Braniac will have to do.

Although I would also have allowed...

XTC - That's Really Super, Supergirl 

9. Close knit friends who won't let you join in.

The Clique - Superman

You may be more familiar with this cover version...

REM - Superman

8. Melatives?

What Mel Gibson calls his brothers...

The Gibson Brothers - Metropolis

7. Posh erections can be bewildering.

"Posh erections" was an anagram.

Stereophonics - Superman

6. Alastair Campbell, Charlie Whelan.

They were both...

Spin Doctors - Jimmy Olsen's Blues

5. Hair straighteners required.

The Kinks - (Wish I Could Fly Like) Superman

4. Neighbours, but not immediate.

3 Doors Down - Kryptonite

3. She enables pens to write her name.

"Enables pens" was an anagram...

Ann Peebles - He's My Superman

2. Most pop songs are about them.

Love - The Daily Planet

1. Goes hand in hand with Bloody Cheek!

The Flaming Lips - (Waiting For A) Superman

More Super Snapshots next Saturday...

Celebrity Jukebox #109: Michael Gambon

The Singing Detective was one of the first "adult" TV shows I remember watching. I was 14 when it aired, and already interested in detective fiction and Raymond Chandler / Philip Marlowe, and in many ways this was not the show to scratch that itch. It was surreal, multi-layered and quite scary at times (although that appealed too, along with the occasional nudity... hey, the internet wouldn't be invented for another 10 years!). I remember being genuinely disturbed by the pain Michael Gambon's Marlowe felt in his hospital bed, as a result of his skin and bone disease (the same disease that Dennis Potter, the show's writer, had to deal with in real life). Because of Gambon's powerful performance, you really felt that pain. I can still feel it today, when I think back to that show. And that's the first thing I thought of when I heard of the actor's passing last week...

Elvis Costello - Watching The Detectives

Guy Garvey's band Elbow took their name from a line in Dennis Potter's script in which Michael Gambon says that Elbow is the "loveliest word in the English language". Here's an Elbow song that I think Gambon would have approved of, particularly the line...

So yes, I guess I'm asking you

To back a horse that's good for glue

And nothing else

Elbow - Starlings

Of course, the news media reported Michael Gambon's death not in terms of Dennis Potter, but Harry. I did a quick lyric search on "Dumbledore" and found literally hundreds of mentions... but not one of them looked to be of any interest to a middle-aged man who has only ever watched one and a half Harry Potter films, especially as they were the ones with the late Richard Harris in, before Gambon took over his role. Just in case you're a Harry Potter fan, here's a band who appear to have only ever read JK Rowling, and no other authors...

Draco and the Malfoys - I Couldn't Kill Albus Dumbledore 

Still, I already had the perfect closer for this post as soon as a teary-eyed HP-fan colleague informed me of Mr. Gambon's departure. Let's go back to the year 2000, when Chris T-T released his second album Panic Attack At Sainsbury's. A few months later, the track below emerged as a single... and it's proven a firm favourite ever since with its wanton and gleeful slaughtering of pop stars both great (Dylan) and not so great (Celine Dion). It also features the following verse, after which I could never take the Stereophonics seriously again...

All around Wales the bands are on fire

As the flames lick higher they run from their homes

Only took one match

To burn down Kelly Jones

(Although I do still like the song he's referencing there.)

But who is responsible for torturing and maiming the stars of popular music? Can you guess?

And it's Michael Gambon! It's Michael Gambon!

I saw his face!

Cleaning all the shit pop

From the human race!

Saturday Snapshots #174 - A Top Ten Thief Songs

The internet would have you believe that this is a photo of Keanu Reeves stealing a camera from a paparazzi and legging it. Apparently, that's not what happened... but it still seems an appropriate image to accompany this week's answers, given that they represent...

A TOP TEN THIEF SONGS  

10. Learning to read on the hifi.

Phonics is the system used to help kids read these days. "Never had 'em when I was a kid and I read fine, etc. etc."

Another word for hifi is your stereo. 

Stereophonics - The Bartender & The Thief

9. Saltwater dynamite.

Teardrops are saltwater (according to Julian Lennon, anyway).

Dynamite explodes.

The Teardrop Explodes - Thief of Baghdad

8. A fop perturbs.

Anagram!

(Yes, that is Paddy McAloon.)

Prefab Sprout - The Best Jewel Thief In The World

7. What made Elvis the Pelvis?

Swaying hips, of course!

Hipsway - The Honeythief

(See, CC - I had been listening to it recently!)

6. Have you got the stomach for this?

Belly - Thief

5. Over abundant.

INXS - Listen Like Thieves

4. A younger android, but still paranoid (almost).

Marvin was the paranoid android. 

Junior Murvin - Police & Thieves

3. Charming.

Prince Charming, obviously.

Prince - Thieves In The Temple

2. Is that... a fake lager, Rhys?

"A fake lager, Rhys" is an anagram of...

Feargal Sharkey - You Little Thief

Still one of the greatest intros of the 80s.

1. Expensive.

Cher is expensive in French, not just dear.

And "I was born in the wagon of a travelling show" is a hell of an opening line.

I'll be back next Saturday to steal more of your time...

The United Kingdom of Song #29: Aberdare

Today we stop off in the South Wales town of Aberdare, which I found mentioned by name in two fine tunes from Welsh bands...

Mclusky - Collagen Rock

And one of those bands got legs like you

And one of them got the stare

And one of those bands got found I heard

In a hole in Aberdare

Goldie Lookin Chain - Half Man Half Machine

Now I've reached it, I'm finally there

Like Terminator being filmed in Aberdare

So alone, when people stop and stare

Like C3PO but with pubes and hair

Welsh rap - can't beat that... can we?

Just down the road from Aberdare is the former coal mining village of Cwmaman, birthplace of muso-irking indie band The Stereophonics. (Or the Stereophonies as Muso-Prime, Mark Radcliffe, likes to call them.)

I can see why some people have a problem with the Stereophonics. They starter out as lyrically intriguing Welsh indie storytellers, but rapidly went a bit L.A. when it became clear they could have bigger hits by making their stories more generic and widescreen. 

That first album though... Word Gets Around... that's still a favourite of mine. Great little small town stories set to timeless indie guitars. And all those songs, although it never gets mentioned by name, were written about the band's experiences growing up... in Aberdare. They became much less interesting once they left their hometown behind.

Standing at the bus stop with my shopping 

In my hands when I'm overhearing elderly 

Ladies as the rumours start to fly you can 

Hear them in the school yard, in the scrap yard 

In the chip shop, in the phone box, in the pool hall at 

The shoe stall every corner turned around...

It started with a school girl who was 

Running running home to her mam and 

Dad told them she was playing in the 

Change room of her local football side they 

Said tell us again so she told them again 

They said tell us the truth, they found it hard 

To believe, 'cause he taught our Steve, he 

Even trained me, taught Uncle John who's a

Father of three

But it only takes one tree to make 

A thousand matches 

Only takes one match to burn 

A thousand trees 

My Top Ten Stripping Songs

Is it me, or is it getting hot in here...? Time to take off a few more clothes.


10. Hawksley Workman - Striptease

This gets in here purely so I don't have to mention the song with the most offensive title in my record collection. (It's by The Bloodhound Gang... but it's not one of their better offerings.)

Anyway, dig Hawksley Workman.

9. Chris De Burgh - Patricia The Stripper

The Lady In Red Man attempts to become Noel Coward. So bad it's good... (perhaps).

See also this entirely different song of the same name by The Wombats which - quite incredibly - manages to be nowhere near as "good" as old crazy eyebrows.

8. The Birthday Party - Nick The Stripper

Nick is a fat little insect, hideous to the eye. I'd save your cash if I were you.

7. Stereophonics - She Takes Her Clothes Off

I know - what sort of crazy fool places the Stereophonics above Nick Cave?

It won't happen again, I promise.

6. Morrissey - Striptease With A Difference

Never officially released (Moz obviously didn't like it very much), this sees the Pope of Mope getting involved in a late night game of Strip Poker, trying his best to lose...

Exchanging a king for your two
While you're out of the room
Have a shufty over your shoulder
Well, all the same, it's a shady game
And I want to lose...

5. Depeche Mode - Stripped

Let me see you stripped down to the bone

Sigh. You always have to take things one step too far, don't you, Dave?

4. Sohodolls - Stripper

Ah, yes, the 21st Century Republica. Take that as a compliment if you wish...

3. Adam Ant - Strip

Do you know what's insane? This single never made the Top 40. (It peaked at #41.) Record buyers of 1983, hang your heads in shame.

When it gets so hot the end of the day
You may find your clothes getting in the way
If a pretty dress hides your true desire
Fold it nice and slow, throw it on the fire

2. Jermaine Stewart - We Don't Have To (Take Our Clothes Off To Have A Good Time)

Have a glass of cherry wine on me.

1. Mansun - Stripper Vicar

One of Mansun's finest, though it obviously owes a great debt to The Smiths' Vicar In A Tutu. Video filmed at Fountains Abbey, North Yorkshire, I reckon.

And we know him as our vicar
And by night a part-time stripper
And the vicar got suspended
In his stockings and suspenders
And he's making wine from water
While he dresses like his daughter
And we know that he's a rip off
'Cos we've seen him with his kit off

Anyone who suggests Man 2 Man meets Man Parrish loses 274 points immediately.

My Top Ten Tramp Songs

This Top Ten is specifically about hobos, bums and "gentlemen of the road". Not any other kind of tramps. We'll get to them. 


Special mention for The Trammps, Supertramp, The Drifters and The Vagrants... and Bruce, of course, because tramps like us, baby we were...


10. Cat Stevens - The Tramp

The only bed he knows is the floor...

9. The Hollies - Lonely Hobo Lullaby

Classic mid-70s ballad from the Hollies, sadly never a hit.

8. Stereophonics - More Life In A Tramp's Vest

Remember when the Stereophonics had potential? Every time I listen to a track from that superb debut album, I shake my fist at the sky and scream, "WHAT HAPPENED!?!"

7. Thea Gilmore - Brother, Can You Spare Me A Dime?

Written back in the "great" depression, recorded by everyone from Bing Crosby to George Michael to Mandy Pantikin (Saul from Homeland!) but it's Thea's version that breaks my heart.

6. Terry Bush - Maybe Tomorrow

You'll know this better as the theme tune to The Littlest Hobo.

Sorry, I've got something in my eye. 

5. Marah - My Heart Is The Bums On The Street

Probably my favourite song by Marah, though the live version on youtube doesn't really do it justice.

4. Frank Sinatra - The Lady Is A Tramp

OK, I'm bending the rules with this once, since the lady in question isn't without a home to call her own. Then again, neither is she that other kind of tramp. And let's face it, I could hardly leave it out. Although Frank's version is best, look who else recorded it...

Tony Bennett & Lady Gaga

Frank & Ella 

William Shatner

Frank & Luther Vandross

etc. etc. etc.

3. Roger Miller - King Of The Road

He's a man of means, by no means. So are The Proclaimers.

And, if you've never heard it before, check out Jody Miller's response song, Queen of the House.

2. Otis Redding & Carla Thomas - Tramp

This came very close to hitting the top spot, and on any other day it might do. It's also one of my favourite men & women bickering songs (one day I'll compile a list), basically just one big argument between Otis and Carla, with some hilarious trash-talking and zinging comebacks. My favourite is the bit where Carla calls Otis a tramp for not being able to afford to buy her all those minks and sables and stuff she wants and Otis replies, "I can buy you minks, rats, frogs, squirrels, rabbits, ...anything you want, woman." to which Carla comes back,  "Look, you can go out in the Georgia woods and find them, baby." Makes me smile every time I hear it.

It seems this was a subject close to Otis's heart. See also: Nobody Knows You When You're Down and Out.

1. Cher - Gypsies, Tramps & Thieves

I seriously consider this to have one of the greatest first verses of any pop song ever written. 

I was born in the wagon of a travelling show
My momma had to dance for the money they'd throw
Papa would do whatever he could
Preach a little gospel, sell a couple of bottles of Dr. Good...

But what do I  know?



Which one are you taking with you when you hit the road, Jack?