Snapshots #360: A Top Twelve Sitcom Songs

This week's Snapshots involved songs that share their name* with sitcoms.

But who had the last laugh...?

(*Or almost share their name, if you're a pedant.)

12. Marti lied? It's not clear.

"Marti lied" was an anagram...

Del Amitri - Some Mothers Do Have Them

(Strictly speaking, Frank Spencer's show was called Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em.)

11. Midnight Rider definitely has a favourite Indiana Jones movie.

Paul Revere was famous for his midnight ride. Raiders is the first, and arguably best, Indiana Jones movie.

Paul Revere & The Raiders - Birds Of A Feather

10. Robert's purple sweets.

Robert Palmer loved his violets.

Palma Violets - Last Of The Summer Wine

9. Abba's fourth.

Abba's fourth album was Arrival.

Arrival - Friends

8. No morals.

The Libertines - What Became of the Likely Lads?

(Strictly speaking, Bewes and Bolam returned in Whatever Happened to the Likely Lads?)

7. As long as the groom's other half isn't sick, she can take this cab. 

The Bridewell Taxis - Just Good Friends

6. Super Nice Monks!

Super Nice brothers.

The Pernice Brothers - One Foot In The Grave

5. The real Marilyn is keen on getting bronzed in the sun.

Marilyn's real name was Norma Jean. This lady is eager for a tan...

Norma Tanega - Bread

4. Hexed by a Hawaiian god.

Lono is the Hawaiian god of fertility, agriculture, rainfall, music and peace.

Curse Of Lono - Man Down 

3. E=Man in Crown².

Albert Einstein came up with E=MC². A man in a crown might be a king.

Albert King - I Love Lucy

2. Kim / Ann / Nancy supergroup.

Kim is Wilde, Ann and Nancy are in Heart.

The Wildhearts - Cheers

(That's the only song on this list - I think - which is an actual TV theme tune reworked into a song. Although actually it's two... the first 50 seconds are the theme from Taxi.)

1. Affleck catches a theatre award. 

Ben Affleck catches a Tony in his net.

Tony Bennett - The Good Life

Twelve sitcom songs... and I'll be back with a few more later in the week.

Celebrity Jukebox #101: Tony Bennett

Tony Bennett had a pretty good innings, didn't he? Over 70 years as a recording artist, working with everyone from Frank Sinatra to Lady Gaga, he always maintained his cool. Look at this performance from just a year ago... 95 and still delivering the goods. Wow.

The Jukebox obviously has lots of tributes to pay. Let's start with a track from an album called Did I Shave My Legs For This?

Hold your racing horses just one minute

A funny feeling coming over me

I'm hearing violins and Tony Bennett

Boy if this is love then I'm in it

Deana Carter - If This Is Love

It turns out Tony is an easy metaphor for all kinds of love and romance...

If you were my girl

We'd slow dance in a bar to Tony Bennett's "Sweet Lorraine" 

While I sang you every word

The Moxies - If You Were My Girl

...all across the genres...

You drove up in a powder blue corvette, it was a stingray

With Tony Bennett on the stereo and a rose stickin' out of the ashtray

You jacked up your shades and you smiled at me

You said "Hello." I said, "Oh no, here we go again..."

Mindy McCready - Lips Like Yours

...the agony and the ecstasy... yes, even the XTC...

Float up with the songbirds I'll croon and how we'll fill skies

Tony Bennett says he'll harmonise

It's a great day for loving you

Just loving you

Andy Partridge - Great Day

Beyond the hearts and flowers stuff though, we find a more intriguing reference...

And when I'm next in line I'm in it to win it
Playin' the lotto dreamy eyed like I was Tony Bennett
When I lose consolation rolls up in a minute
Toothless meth head offerin', mad clinic

Pan Amsterdam featuring Iggy Pop - Mobile

Plus the weird, obscure titular mentions...

Richard Leo Johnson - Tony Bennett

Although I was rather disappointed that the title below was actually a "featuring Tony" credit rather than a song about how Doc finds the old smoothy a bit objectionable...

Doc Severinsen - I Can't Get Started With Tony Bennett

And I was most disappointed to not be able to find this anywhere online...

The Untanned Hide Of A Young Cow - Tony Bennett

Our final lyrical reference comes in a song about another, slightly less famous, Tony, former Arsenal player and self-confessed alcoholic, Tony Adams. Joe Strummer's song is about finding a way out of addiction, and it's probably not the best tribute to Mr. Bennett out there... but it was my favourite tune today... 

I'm lost in a world beyond the lost city

I'm looking for a phone and I can't find one

Got a Tony Bennett eight-track in the hotel, pity

The moon turned around and shot someone

Celebrity Jukebox #85: Harry Belafonte

Certain stars just appear effortlessly cool. Harry Belafonte was one of them. Actor, singer and close friend and confidant of Martin Luther King, Harry was a legend. 

Let's see how he's remembered in the jukebox, starting with Tony Bennett, making up his own lyrics to a classic...

And if I never had a cent

I'd be rich as Harry Belafonte

With Barry Goldwater at my feet

On the sunny side of the street

Goldwater was a conservative Republican whom, I imagine, Harry had little time for.

Tony Bennett - Sunny Side of the Street

Quite a lot of rappers name-drop Harry, understandably given his prominent civil rights activism over the years. Here's Black Thought from The Roots with Danger Mouse...

Ayo, don't even worry 'bout it, my legendary stylin'

Between Harry Belafonte and Harry Allen

Danger Mouse & Black Thought -  Close To Famous

And here's some proper Old Skool, more my vintage...

If you compare the Big Daddy to a Caddy

I'd be an Allante, suave as Belafonte

Interplanetary and extraordinary

Big Daddy Kane - Git Bizzy

Whether rap or country, Harry was important to them all...

Raindrops thumping on my white-walled Chrysler

I'm keeping rhythm with the window wipers

Farmland's drinking every drop that falls

Lightning dancing to the fiddler's call

Black baby squeeze a hot dog bun

Grandpa's got wrinkles from too much sun

Harry Belafonte and the Dixie Dregs

Everybody's drinking from the same cold kegs

Michael Martin Murphey - Pilgrims on the Way (Matthew's Song)

Meanwhile, Aussie rockers The Church place Harry in very fine company...

Brian Wilson and William Tell
We welcome you
Harry Belafonte and Alexander Bell
We welcome you
Archangel Gabriel and Richard Hell
We welcome
And Tom Miller

The Church - Welcome

...while Jonathan Richman supported many of the same causes.

So join Nelson Mandela

And Susan Sarandon

Join Harry Belafonte as the list goes on and on

And protest with a letter, or maybe a phone call

For there on death row, stands Abu Jamal

Jonathan Richman - Abu Jamal

It seems like everyone wants to be as cool as Harry. Even the Fratellis...

Well, I'm gonna be imperious

I'm gonna be the next Harry Belafonte!

The Fratellis - Halloween Blues

Today belong to Joe Strummer though, who mentions Harry in not one, but two, of his tunes. Let's face it, if Joe Strummer namedrops you twice, you must be a legend.

Somebody's got to draw a line somewhere,
And it might as well be Harry Belafonte

Joe Strummer - Dizzy's Goatee

Because the noise inspectors with the sound detectors 

Were coming on down the beach 

And the counselors wanna pounce on us

There we go disturbing the peace 

And the Cornish sun had only just begun

To sink into the western sea 

So to keep it low so the cops don't know

I spun my Harry Belafonte 

Snapshots #253: A Top Ten Stranger Songs

If you've spent the weekend looking for Stranger Things... let me take away some of the mystery.

Here are ten Stranger songs... 

10. Add cola to the temple.

Pepsi Cola and a Shirley Temple.

Pepsi & Shirley - Goodbye, Stranger

9. Mixture's Sister.

Specifically, a Dolly Mixture's Sister.

Stella Parton - The Danger of a Stranger

8. German invader.

The Saxons were a North Germanic people who invaded Britain a long time ago.

Saxon - 747 (Strangers In The Night)

7. If uneven, sue the council.

Don't trip on the uneven pavement.

Pavement - Spit On A Stranger

6. We Need To Talk About... Rock.

We Need To Talk About Kevin... and Ayers Rock.

Kevin Ayers - Stranger in Blue Suede Shoes

5. Brick lake.

Anagram!

Acker Bilk - Stranger On The Shore

4. Pitchfork brandishers.

Villagers brandish pitchforks.

Villagers - Twenty Seven Strangers

3. John Thomas Horatio.

John Thomas is a euphemism for Willie + Admiral Horatio Nelson.

Willie Nelson - Red-Headed Stranger

2. Myth Cruise.

Anagram!

Eurythmics - Love Is A Stranger

1. Mr. Benn meets Gordon.

Tony Benn + Gordon Bennett.

Tony Bennett - Stranger In Paradise

Don't be a stranger - come back next Saturday for more.

My Top Ten San Francisco Songs

It's a while since I took a stop on my American music tour... so let's take a drive across the Golden Gate Bridge...


10. Train - Save Me, San Francisco

The bloke from Train looks like a Hollywood version of David Gedge. Doesn't sound quite as good...but there are far worse ways to spend 4 minutes of your life.

9. The Flower Pot Men - Let's Go To San Francisco

This is spookier than I remember it. I'm getting acid flashbacks from the video, and I never did acid in my life. 

8. Scott McKenzie - San Francisco

If you're going, be sure to wear some flowers in your hair.

7. Rufus Wainwright - San Francisco

Rufus does Judy Garland. Classic.

6. The Lucksmiths - The Chapter in Your Life Entitled San Francisco

Probably my favourite song by The Lucksmiths. If you've never heard them before and you're wondering what they sound like, the fact that they also have a song called There Is A Boy That Never Goes Out might give you a clue to their influences...

5. Tony Bennett - I Left My Heart in San Francisco

There appear to be numerous comedy routines which lead exhaustively to the punchline, "I left me harp in Sam Clam's Disco". I advise you to ignore them all.

4. American Music Club - All The Lost Souls Welcome You To San Francisco

Being that they hail from the city by the bay, it's no wonder that Mark Eitzel and co. have written a few songs about it (they even named an album after it).

A city built by fire trucks!
Dirty old bastards drunk on love
And mean old queens who never forgive
The compromises they made to live

3. Magnetic Fields - Come Back from San Francisco

One of Stephin Merritt's most beautiful love songs, as performed by Shirley Simms on the majestic 69 Love Songs...

Come back from San Francisco and kiss me; I've quit smoking.
I miss doing the wild thing with you.
Will you stay? I don't think so, but all I do is worry, 
Pack bags, call cabs, and hurry home to me.

2. Arctic Monkeys - Fake Tales Of San Francisco

You're not from New York City, you're from Rotherham...

...is probably the lyric that made me fall in love with the Arctic Monkeys way back when. 

Sad to hear that in the video edit, they replaced the line, ""The band were fucking wank
And I'm not having a nice time." with the far less interesting, "The band weren't very good..."

1. Chris Isaak - San Francisco Days

Probably my favourite Chris Isaak record, there's a real aching melancholy to his voice.





Special mention to Weightless Again by the Handsome Family...

This is why people OD on pills and jump from the Golden Gate Bridge. 
Anything to feel weightless again.

But which San Francisco song makes you feel weightless again?

My Top Ten Paradise Songs

Ten songs about paradise. Even though the closest most of us will ever get is a Bounty bar...


10. Green Day - Welcome To Paradise

It's hard to believe Green Day were ever this young.

9. Jenny Lewis & The Watson Twins - Paradise

A lovely solo offering from the Rilo Kiley songstress. What a voice.

8. Stevie Wonder - Pastime Paradise

If you were labouring under the mistaken idea that Coolio wrote Gangster's Paradise, you really ought to give this a listen.

7. Billy Fury - Halfway To Paradise

If Billy really wants to be your lover, but all you'll give him is your friendship... you're leaving him halfway to paradise.

6. Coldplay - Paradise

Fair play to 'em. I did my best to keep this song out of this Top Ten, if only because of its sheer ubiquity. That said, I can't deny it's one of the best tunes Coldplay have written in years, and a genuine earworm. I listened to a lot more paradise songs than just the ten listed here, but the only ones that were honestly better than this (in the humble opinion of my ears) are the ones listed below.

5. Amen Corner - (If Paradise Is) Half As Nice

Andy Fairweather Low and co., a timeless classic from 1969.

Who needs paradise? I'd rather have you...

4. Tony Bennett - Stranger In Paradise

In playlisting terms, this is what we call the calm before the storm. One of my dad's favourites.

Take my hand...

Lovely, rare Saint Etienne cover version here. 

All right, enough of the warm-up acts... let's ROCK!

3. David Lee Roth - Just Like Paradise

A record so monumentally awesome, it's hard to believe it only makes #3. Hell, the video's even got DLR poncing about on vertiginous cliffs, surfing a flying canoe and accompanied by a three-necked, heart-shaped guitar.

God, this reminds me of being 16.

2. Guns 'n' Roses - Paradise City

Where the grass is green and the girls are pretty

Gains extra marks for mentioning Captain America in the lyrics... but still doesn't score high enough to beat this:

1. Meat Loaf - Paradise By The Dashboard Light

Because nothing succeeds like excess.

Jim Steinman's epic tale of teenage fumblings by the light of a dashboard in which Meat and Ellen Foley play the roles of young lovers who might... or might not... go all the way. Depends how well he sweet-talks her... promises her the earth... or flat-out begs. All that and the terrible consequences of promising to love someone forever...





I reckon this'll be one of my more debatable Top Tens - there were loads of great songs left out. Which one takes you to paradise?

My Top Ten Tramp Songs

This Top Ten is specifically about hobos, bums and "gentlemen of the road". Not any other kind of tramps. We'll get to them. 


Special mention for The Trammps, Supertramp, The Drifters and The Vagrants... and Bruce, of course, because tramps like us, baby we were...


10. Cat Stevens - The Tramp

The only bed he knows is the floor...

9. The Hollies - Lonely Hobo Lullaby

Classic mid-70s ballad from the Hollies, sadly never a hit.

8. Stereophonics - More Life In A Tramp's Vest

Remember when the Stereophonics had potential? Every time I listen to a track from that superb debut album, I shake my fist at the sky and scream, "WHAT HAPPENED!?!"

7. Thea Gilmore - Brother, Can You Spare Me A Dime?

Written back in the "great" depression, recorded by everyone from Bing Crosby to George Michael to Mandy Pantikin (Saul from Homeland!) but it's Thea's version that breaks my heart.

6. Terry Bush - Maybe Tomorrow

You'll know this better as the theme tune to The Littlest Hobo.

Sorry, I've got something in my eye. 

5. Marah - My Heart Is The Bums On The Street

Probably my favourite song by Marah, though the live version on youtube doesn't really do it justice.

4. Frank Sinatra - The Lady Is A Tramp

OK, I'm bending the rules with this once, since the lady in question isn't without a home to call her own. Then again, neither is she that other kind of tramp. And let's face it, I could hardly leave it out. Although Frank's version is best, look who else recorded it...

Tony Bennett & Lady Gaga

Frank & Ella 

William Shatner

Frank & Luther Vandross

etc. etc. etc.

3. Roger Miller - King Of The Road

He's a man of means, by no means. So are The Proclaimers.

And, if you've never heard it before, check out Jody Miller's response song, Queen of the House.

2. Otis Redding & Carla Thomas - Tramp

This came very close to hitting the top spot, and on any other day it might do. It's also one of my favourite men & women bickering songs (one day I'll compile a list), basically just one big argument between Otis and Carla, with some hilarious trash-talking and zinging comebacks. My favourite is the bit where Carla calls Otis a tramp for not being able to afford to buy her all those minks and sables and stuff she wants and Otis replies, "I can buy you minks, rats, frogs, squirrels, rabbits, ...anything you want, woman." to which Carla comes back,  "Look, you can go out in the Georgia woods and find them, baby." Makes me smile every time I hear it.

It seems this was a subject close to Otis's heart. See also: Nobody Knows You When You're Down and Out.

1. Cher - Gypsies, Tramps & Thieves

I seriously consider this to have one of the greatest first verses of any pop song ever written. 

I was born in the wagon of a travelling show
My momma had to dance for the money they'd throw
Papa would do whatever he could
Preach a little gospel, sell a couple of bottles of Dr. Good...

But what do I  know?



Which one are you taking with you when you hit the road, Jack?