My Top Ten San Francisco Songs

It's a while since I took a stop on my American music tour... so let's take a drive across the Golden Gate Bridge...


10. Train - Save Me, San Francisco

The bloke from Train looks like a Hollywood version of David Gedge. Doesn't sound quite as good...but there are far worse ways to spend 4 minutes of your life.

9. The Flower Pot Men - Let's Go To San Francisco

This is spookier than I remember it. I'm getting acid flashbacks from the video, and I never did acid in my life. 

8. Scott McKenzie - San Francisco

If you're going, be sure to wear some flowers in your hair.

7. Rufus Wainwright - San Francisco

Rufus does Judy Garland. Classic.

6. The Lucksmiths - The Chapter in Your Life Entitled San Francisco

Probably my favourite song by The Lucksmiths. If you've never heard them before and you're wondering what they sound like, the fact that they also have a song called There Is A Boy That Never Goes Out might give you a clue to their influences...

5. Tony Bennett - I Left My Heart in San Francisco

There appear to be numerous comedy routines which lead exhaustively to the punchline, "I left me harp in Sam Clam's Disco". I advise you to ignore them all.

4. American Music Club - All The Lost Souls Welcome You To San Francisco

Being that they hail from the city by the bay, it's no wonder that Mark Eitzel and co. have written a few songs about it (they even named an album after it).

A city built by fire trucks!
Dirty old bastards drunk on love
And mean old queens who never forgive
The compromises they made to live

3. Magnetic Fields - Come Back from San Francisco

One of Stephin Merritt's most beautiful love songs, as performed by Shirley Simms on the majestic 69 Love Songs...

Come back from San Francisco and kiss me; I've quit smoking.
I miss doing the wild thing with you.
Will you stay? I don't think so, but all I do is worry, 
Pack bags, call cabs, and hurry home to me.

2. Arctic Monkeys - Fake Tales Of San Francisco

You're not from New York City, you're from Rotherham...

...is probably the lyric that made me fall in love with the Arctic Monkeys way back when. 

Sad to hear that in the video edit, they replaced the line, ""The band were fucking wank
And I'm not having a nice time." with the far less interesting, "The band weren't very good..."

1. Chris Isaak - San Francisco Days

Probably my favourite Chris Isaak record, there's a real aching melancholy to his voice.





Special mention to Weightless Again by the Handsome Family...

This is why people OD on pills and jump from the Golden Gate Bridge. 
Anything to feel weightless again.

But which San Francisco song makes you feel weightless again?

My Top Ten Tony Songs

The new Iron Man film is out - and it'll be great to see Robert Downey Jr. playing Tony Stark again. But can I find ten great songs about Tony?

Challenge... accepted!


10. The Frank & Walters - Tony Cochrane

The F&Ws go chasing a lilo, wishing they were their eponymous hero.

9. David Bowie - The Gospel According To Tony Day

The b-side to The Laughing Gnome.

Rotten old Tony Day - if you find a girl, he'll take her away.

8. Plans & Apologies - Tony Blair, Fucknut

'Nuff said?

7. The Pixies - Tony's Theme

This is a song about a superhero named Tony... whose name rhymes with pony. As does...

6. Morrissey - Tony The Pony

Just don't say I didn't warn you.

5. The North Sea Scrolls - I'm Not the Man You Think I am Karen, I'm the Actor Tony Allen

Luke Haines and Cathal Coughlan's alternate history of the British Isles throws up an unlikely hero in the shape of failed actor and Inspector Morse costume designer Tony Allen who leads a double life as "...the hidden hand behind the paintings of Sir Francis Bacon, the secret lover of Sid James, a patient of R.D. Laing, an assiduous curator of Northern Soul, and the probable catalyst for the least tedious stretches of the career of Fleetwood Mac..."

It's a Tony Allen world - but we just live in it. 

4. Billy Joel - Movin' Out (Anthony's Song)

One of Billy's best...

You should never argue with a crazy mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mind

...if that's movin' up - then I'm movin' out.

3. Belle & Sebastian - Lord Anthony

Anthony gets bullied at school, as did I, as I'm sure, did Stuart Murdoch. Bullying is evil.

When will you realize it doesn't pay
To be smarter than teachers, smarter than most boys?

"So shut your mouth, start kicking the football."
Bang on the teeth. You are off for a week, boy.

2. Patty Griffin - Tony

More bullying... with tragic consequences this time. Patty recalls the suicide of an old highschool classmate... heartbreaking stuff: and yet, it rocks.

I hated every day of high school
It's funny, I guess you did too

1. The Shirehorses (M&M) - Tony

I love Stan, I think it's one of Eminem's best songs... but I can't hear it anymore without wanting to listen to Mark & Lard's hilarious parody.

Anyway, how the kcuf are you?
I'm alright, thanks for asking
I'm listening to the new album 
By Dave Stewart and that old Barbara Gaskin

Listen to Stan first, then listen to Tony... and if you don't laugh your boils off, I'll give you your money back. (Plus, the woman from the canteen beats Dido any day.)




Which one gets your Tony award?

My Top Ten Let's Dance Songs

No further explanation should be required...


10. Earth, Wind & Fire - Let's Groove

Let this groove get you to move... it's all right. All right.

9. Smash Mouth - Let's Rock

Or, if disco won't get you down on the floor... how about a bit of ska-influenced moshing?

From the album Fush Yu Mang. 'Nuff said.

8. The Raveonettes - Let's Rave On

My type of rave - Spector-influenced, fuzzy guitared rock 'n' roll with plenty of feedback.

7. We Should Be Dead - Forget Romance, Let's Dance

Good advice for everyone.

6. The Wombats - Let's Dance to Joy Division

Celebrate the irony.

5. Chris Rea - Let's Dance

Wow, Chris Rea looks really young in this hilariously naff 80s video. Great guitar though.

4. Freddie Mercury - Let's Turn It On

Let's turn it on, come on all you people, get together
Turn it on, turn it on, and let's get everybody dancing!

See - it does fit the theme. I'm not just shoe-horning it in 'cos  love Freddie. 

3. Chris Montez - Let's Dance

Whether you want to do the Twist, the Stomp or the Mashed Potato, Chris is your man.

(What the hell is the Mashed Potato? No, don't answer that.)

Or you may prefer to take the Ramones up on their offer instead...

2. Nat King Cole - Let's Face The Music And Dance

There may be troubles ahead...

1. David Bowie - Let's Dance

Serious musos turn their noses up at Bowie's poppiest album, but I was just the right age for it. Plus, the opening section of the video, where Dave is performing, virtually unnoticed, in a grubby outback bar, is great. (The whole red shoes fairy tale that follows is far less interesting.)




Let's dance! Which one makes you want to put on your red shoes and dance the blues?

My Top Ten Last Time Songs

After our first time, so often comes our last time...



10. Keane - This Is The Last Time

The listeners of Radio 2 recently voted Keane's Hopes & Fears(from which this song hails) as the second greatest album of all time... after Clocks by Coldplay and just ahead of Rio by Duran Duran.

WTF?

9. Glen Campbell - The Last Time I Saw Her

Written by Gordon Lightfoot, who had a mighty fine voice. But not quite as fine as Glen Campbell.

8. Eels - The Last Time We Spoke

Haunting. Seriously haunting.

7. Kris Kristofferson - The Last Time

Legend.

6. Shea Seger - Last Time

If Shea wakes up with you... it'll be the last time.

5. Squeeze - Last Time Forever

From 28 years ago - when Glenn Tilbrook looked like David Coverdale, Chris Difford looked like Matt Smith and Jools Holland looked like... Jools Holland.

4. Rory Gallagher - For The Last Time

There is some serious guitar playing on this track.

3. Morrissey - Pregnant For The Last Time

The only Top 30 hit ever to appear in the UK singles chart with the word "pregnant" in the title, and it never officially appeared on an album.

Phlegm lapels for the last time
Corn beef legs for the last time

2. Joni Mitchell - The Last Time I Saw Richard

The last time I saw Richard was Detroit in '68,
And he told me all romantics meet the same fate someday
Cynical and drunk and boring someone in some dark cafe

Genius. And if that isn't proof enough, try this...

Richard got married to a figure skater
And he bought her a dishwasher and a Coffee percolator
And he drinks at home now most nights with the TV on
And all the house lights left up bright
I'm gonna blow this damn candle out
I don't want nobody coming over to my table
I got nothing to talk to anybody about
All good dreamers pass this way some day
Hiding behind bottles in dark cafes
Dark cafes

1. The Rolling Stones - The Last Time

Inevitable, I know. But still great. Just listen to Jagger's swagger...



Don't let this be the last time you leave a comment.

My Top Ten First Time Songs

If this is your First Time... I hope it's not your worst time.



10. Spearmint - First Time Music

7 minutes and 39 seconds, and not a second of it is wasted. Spearmint: should have been million sellers.

9. Foreigner - Feels Like The First Time

Yes, I said Foreigner. What's your problem? Don't you like Foreigners?

8. Mercury Rev - First-Time Mother's Joy (Flying)

The Rev at their most magical.

7. Billy Joel - Get It Right The First Time

He doesn't believe in first impressions... says the bloke who copped off with Christie Brinkley.

Still, look how that ended up.

6. Arab Strap - The First Time You're Unfaithful

As bleakly, morbidly, scathingly hilarious as you'd expect from a song with that title from this band.

5. Barenaked Ladies - Falling For The First Time

I'm so cool - too bad I'm a loser.

Great opening line, which could easily have made it onto Monday's Top Ten too.

How many extra hits will I get for featuring both Arab Strap and Barenaked Ladies in this post?

4. Bobby Goldsboro - Summer (The First Time)

Young Bobby's first time is with a woman twice his age... shocking!

I swear I've heard this covered by somebody cooler, but I can't for the life of me think who.

3. Stars - The First Five Times

I was pleased to discover that Stars are still together, recording and touring, since I've heard very little from them since this, from their excellent 2004 album Set Yourself On Fire. The First Five Times tells you about exactly what you think it's going to, right down to an old man watching from a tree. When you get to my age, you grab your thrills wherever you can.

2. Roberta Flack - The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

Written by Ewan MacColl, recorded by everybody from Elvis and Johnny Cash to Celine Dion and the Stereophonics, but it's Roberta's version that beats them all... particularly for fans of Play Misty For Me. 


1. Pulp - Do You Remember The First Time?

Jarvis can't remember a worse time.

Don't watch the video if you've had too much to drink tonight.





If it was your First Time, do leave a comment and introduce yourself.