The Legend of CD #108: Part 5

More songs from Sam's favourite in-car CD.

Circumstances are forcing me to part with my current car at the end of this week. I might tell you about that some other time, once I'm past the trauma of it all. But the newer car I'm having to get will not have a CD player. Is this the end of our in-car CDs...?

Track 14: Jackie Wilson - I Get The Sweetest Feeling

Where do you start if you’re going to write about Jackie Wilson? The Van Morrison song that immortalised him? The Dexys cover than indelibly linked him to darts player Jockey Wilson in the minds of a generation, thanks to an accidental / mischievously deliberate* (*delete as appropriate, depending on what you believe) miscredited image on TOTP? That awful / vaguely racist plasticine video that propelled Reet Petite back to the top of the UK charts in 1986 (a Christmas Number One to boot, so it must have sold a shedload), almost 30 years after it was originally recorded? 

Wilson was two years gone by then, having died at the age of just 49 in 1984, nine years after suffering a massive heart attack that he never properly recovered from. He was on stage when that struck, collapsing just after singing the line, "My heart is crying" in the song Lonely Teardrops. The audience thought it was part of the act. It was later suggested that the heart attack had been brought on by the salt tablets the singer took to make him sweat while performing because, "The chicks love it."

There’s a lot more to the Jackie Wilson story, but let’s cut to the chase: I Get The Sweetest Feeling. A hit three times in the UK chart – firstly when it reached #9 in the year of my birth, then three years later when it returned to the Top 30 in 1975, and finally, following the success of the Reet Petite re-issue, a top three hit in 1987. The video, directed by the same team that did the now-controversial Reet Petite promo, was a lot more acceptable…

Track 15: Teenage Fanclub - Ain't That Enough

Possibly my favourite Teenage Fanclub song, from the excellent Songs From Northern Britain. As I’ve just been obsessing over chart placings on the previous track, it’s worth pointing out that this was their highest placing album, and Ain’t That Enough was their biggest hit in the UK singles chart… although a measly #17 in 1997, making it their only Top 20 hit.

This, like a lot of Britpop tunes from that year, always reminds me of a particularly fine summer. I was 25 on the calendar, but I felt more like an 18 year old… probably because I’d missed out on feeling like one seven years earlier. I grew up slowly, I guess.

Ain’t That Enough was written by Gerard Love who left the band in 2018, allegedly because he doesn’t like flying anymore. I’m not sure if there’s more to it than that, because the remaining members no longer play any of his songs in concert – which explains my disappointment at not hearing this one when they performed at my local village hall last year.

 

Track 16: Spencer Davis Group - Somebody Help Me

Another song I feel I ought to preface by saying – hey, this is CD108, clearly I’d already featured Keep On Running and Gimme Some Loving LONG before this. Until researching this post, I had no idea that Somebody Help Me was just as big a hit as the twin titans mentioned above (bigger than GSL, which only reached #2)… because it doesn’t feel half as epic. The Spencer Davis Group burned brightly for a very brief period in the mid-60s before going off and doing their own thing, most notably becoming Steve Winwood, who always seemed to be in the charts or on the radio during my teenage years, despite relatively few actual hits (and even the two that did make it big, didn’t actually make it as big as I remember). I don’t know why I’m talking so much about the charts today – the rest of this blog is largely unbothered by such things… but I guess the purpose of these CDs was always to familiarise Sam with the music that preceded him, and the charts were the places to start.

Somebody Help Me and Keep On Running were both written by Jamaican musician Jackie Edwards who worked for Chris Blackwell when he first set up Island Records. Apparently the song was also used as the theme tune to ITV drama series The Royal from 2003 – 2011, but as Edwards died in 1992, he sadly never saw any of that money.

Personally, I think Somebody Help Me pales in comparison to Keep On Running, Gimme Some Lovin’ and I’m A Man, but it’s a good enough pop song and I have no qualms about its inclusion here.

Live In '25: Teenage Fanclub

Almost a year ago, I received a very nice email from the custodian of Charity Chic Towers alerting me to the fact that Teenage Fanclub would be playing at my local village hall in the new year. Ironically, this came at a time when I'd pretty much decided to retire from gigging because going out at night is far too much effort for the terminally knackered... but soon after I received a text from my long time gigging buddy Dave suggesting the same event. The fates conspired.

And so, last Saturday, I popped down the road to see original members Norman and Raymond (sadly Gerard left a few years back) and their pals (including former Gorkys' man Euros Childs on keyboards) arrive in Summer Wine territory... though nothing could have prepared me for how much these former fresh-faced Teenagers from the C86 scene now look more like they could pass for friends of Compo, Clegg and Foggy. Or, as I said to Dave when they came on stage, the bitter realisation that many of your favourite bands from 30-40 years ago now look like chemistry teachers. And with an emphasis on more recent songs such as Everything Falls Apart and a new album called Nothing Lasts Forever... well, mortality was definitely on the menu. 

Despite this, the lads still know how to make a pleasingly Byrdsy indie racket, and the audience (clearly made up of hardcore Fanclub fans) were pleased with the eclectic selection. Afterwards Dave (who's a bigger fan that me) remarked he could have done with a few less "here's a song we haven't played since 1991" moments and a few more of the classics. Shockingly, neither of these got an airing on Saturday night...

Teenage Fanclub - Sparky's Dream

Teenage Fanclub - Ain't That Enough

It's at this point in proceedings I have to confess that I never quite connected with Teenage Fanclub in the way that many esteemed members of the blogeratti clearly have. Indeed, I far prefer another Scottish band of a similar era, one that's much derided by those same taste-makers. I think it comes down my obsession with lyrics - while the Fannies make a very pleasing sound, they never really say anything that sticks with me. That said, at least they closed the evening with one definite exception to that rule...

She wears denim wherever she goes
Says she's gonna get some records by the Status Quo
Oh yeah Oh yeah

Self-Help For Cynics #6: Conversations With Ben

Catch a shooting star and put it in your pocket

And your pants will start on fire

One bird in the hand or two birds in the bush

Neither do you any good, when you're stuck in the quagmire

Show everyone you're not sure that they're telling the truth

Then you can be known as the universal cynic too

Bad Religion - The Universal Cynic

Those of you who have been subjecting yourself to this nonsense for far too long will recall that during lockdown, one of the things that really helped me through was the conversations I had via Whatsapp with my former colleague and good friend, Ben. I shared many of those conversations here, as I felt they might on occasion prove entertaining to others, and also because it saved me having to come up with an idea for a post that day. I don't share our conversations so much anymore, not because Ben and I aren't still communicating, but because mostly we just talk about stuff that won't be of much interest to you guys. However, I wanted to share the following chat because it gave this series - and my "journey" (I hate using that word in this context) "of discovery" (ditto) regarding my mental health - a real direction. And it sets up some of the things I'll be talking about in future posts...

The Handsome Family - Your Great Journey

Ben:  How're you doing anyway?

Rol:  Not bad. I'm trying positive thinking.

Stop laughing.

No.

Really.

Stop.

I think that's great actually.

Really helped with my anxiety and low feelings.

REM - Low

I tend to have a few mantras now. Not the shitty religious or spiritualist foo foo ones, but something a bit more grounded.

And then there's the questions and the senses stuff. They really help.

Explain?

Questioning the logic behind thoughts when you spiral. My doc told me to get this book about anxiety and mental health. Not a woowoo book but by a scientist that kind of explains and outlines that actually your brain is a monkey organ that is essentially forced to learn to function in a developed society so it's more about biological survival urges that are misunderstanding what it's being presented with. 

George Michael - Monkey

So questions like "is what you think is happening, happening?" Or "is there any evidence to support that thought?".  And the senses stuff is the non woo woo and more psychological version of mindfulness which is meant to just calm and relax you in the moment but with no snake oil of improving your whole life. When feeling overwhelmed by anything, you sit and spend ten to thirty seconds on all your senses, just mentally describing their sensation. The key is to not explain the sensations, just describe them. Say you start with your taste, maybe it's a bit iron-ish because you've got an ulcer, or you can taste your coffee from earlier still and still some sweetness from a bit of bread stuck in your tooth slowly turning its carbohydrates into sugar. Then touch. What's the chair you're sat in feel like? What's the back support? Maybe one point is sticking into you and it's got leather on the seat that feels cooler on your body than the rest of the chair. Can you feel the lanyard hanging off your neck, how's the top you have on? Then go through the other senses. The whole point is to completely take you away from thoughts running away and just rooting you in a material reality. Really helpful.

Talking Heads - Sugar On My Tongue

There were a few books but two  of the main ones were Unfuck Your Brain by Faith Harper and Don't Feed The Monkey Mind by Jennifer Shannon.

Thanks. I'll look into those. 

What you describe is kind of the process I've adopted, in a ramshackle, amateurish fashion. But I've become interested in the subject (not the rainbows and unicorns side of it) and have started reading up when I get the opportunity. Trying to find the way to approach it while still maintaining my essential cynical bastard side.

Amy Rigby - Cynically Yours

I think there's a lot of spiritual bullshit and business focussed books on the matter and poor support. But those books are what my GP told me to read as, in his words, "look, you're a scientist, so self help bullshit won't work, you need to really understand what's happening in your brain". And the techniques, I think, work particularly well and it's not offering snake oil promises of cures but rather they're intended to help in the moment when you need it.

I'm not a scientist, but I have the same reaction to self hell BS, so this is appreciated. I've started a thing on my blog called Self Help for Cynics in which I try to sift through the dross and find usable nuggets. With extra help from songwriters. Writing has always been a help, as is music, so I'm combining them all.

The Cynics - I'm In Pittsburgh And It's Raining

There's so much of it that preys on selling bullshit and something for people to believe in. I just want to understand it and have coping mechanisms, which is all science can handle.

And I know it's kind of hard to break out of the men have to keep it together thing, but you know I'm about.

Cheers. Never really been one of those types anyway. 

I gather, with your love for Morrissey and pop in general.

Marshall Crenshaw - Cynical Girl

I just need to do something to fix my mindset.

But still. You've got a millennial friend. We're much more open to talk about these things. I know the acerbic wit is our basis, but I like you alive and well.

Teenage Fanclub - Song To The Cynic

Appreciate that, but I'm not about to top myself. Just want to get through the week without ping-ponging between anxiety, rage and other emotions I can't find the right words for because it's very late.

I'm not saying you are, but more so I mean life, when in the depths can be colourless and you become a shell of a person... but I prefer the acerbic wit and humour of you not in that position and the negative impact that has on life.

Now for a put-down to equalise our friendship: Morrissey is a wanker.

Hardly a point of contention these days. And yet...

And there's no-one left to blame

Oh, tell me when will you...

When will you accept your life?

(The one that you hate)

For anything is hard to find

When you will not open your eyes

Guest Post Thursday #15: A Top Ten “I Can’t” Songs (Part 2)

I can't today. 

Fortunately, George is back with more I Can't Songs.

Take it away, George...

There’s a LOT of “I Can’t” songs. A lot. You’ve already had ten, some good, some great and two brilliant ones, so here’s ten more, some good, some great, and two of which are simply brilliant, or toptastic if you prefer.

First, Elvis with his “we’ve all been there” song

Elvis Costello and the Attractions - I can't stand up for falling down

If you want slick 70s (or was it 80s?) pop you’ve come to the wrong place. Well, today you have. So no Hall & Oates, a perfectly decent and well-made pop song, but it’s not Top Ten material. Or Top Twenty, as I’m doing two of these. Nope, instead, you’re getting what is undoubtedly going to be the best song you hear all day, because this is beyond brilliant...

Bill Withers - I can't write left-handed

One of those powerful songs that makes you stop whatever you’re doing and just listen. (Not one to play in the car, then). Every time I hear it I can’t do anything but put my listening ears on.  From an album you absolutely must have in your collection,  Live at Carnegie Hall.

A different genre now, suggested by Walter...

Teenage Fanclub - I can't find my way home

That’s Walter, our pigeon, rescued at the bottom of the farm. He has a wounded wing that will never heal properly; instead of releasing him to be eaten by Billy, we are keeping him. A coop is currently under construction for him.  Walter, not Billy. And Walter the pigeon is actually a dove.

That song is not to be confused with the Steve Winwood song, the latter is not an “I can’t” song but a “Can’t” so The Swans will not be in this list. But Otis is!

Otis Redding - I can't turn you loose

Another Walter song, that one. "I can’t turn you loose……. because either Shaggy or Billy, or both, will kill you and eat you” as Otis never sang, but it does scan.

A Top Ten without a country song? Is that possible? Of course not.

George Jones - I can't get there from here

It’s the way he twists those words, George Jones’ voice is so apt for the cheesiest of country lyrics.

And from when they were good:

The Who - I Can't explain

……..to  one of her more humdrum albums, but it does have a couple of gems on it (the other one is also an I Can’t song)

Aimee Mann - I can't get my head around it

It would of course be perverse not to include that Ray Charles song, but it is what I am doing, I’ve never liked it or indeed the vast majority of anything I’ve heard by him. And it would certainly be thrawn in the extreme not to include maybe the best known I Can’t song, the one with that uses brackets...

Tritons - (I can't get no) Satisfaction

They’re Italian. Unlike Yvonne Elliman. We (Jo and I, not Yvonne and I) were watching something on tv and “Everything’s alright” was featured. I knew most of the lyrics, knew when Judas’ part was coming, knew when Ted Neeley sang. So I’m going to shoehorn this in...

Yvonne Elliman - If I can't have you

OK, a slick(ish) 70s pop song for you, one that I’m not really sure why I like, maybe it’s those swooping horns.. 

I’m not saving the best for last, because that would mean Bill Withers again, but this too is a fantastic song:

Ann Peebles - I can't stand the rain

It’s the way the music gets going at 20 seconds in, that signature WIllie Mitchell “Hii Rhythm Section” sound and arrangement, that slow-almost-lethargic music, it’s a perfect soul song.

And please note that Stink, via The Police, is excluded on taste and because it’s “Can’t Stand Losing”. Bad Company, though, are ineligible only because, again, it’s not an “I can’t” song. You could of course argue that Yvonne Elliman should also be excluded, to which I say “Do your own Top Ten”.

Thank you, again, to Rol, for posting this piece. I hope I don’t lose you too many readers.

No, thank you, George. And don't worry: I can't lose what I don't have.

I closed with the original version of George's opening tune. Though I was tempted to go with the Hall & Oates.

The Guest Post door is always open, if anyone wants to try the handle. But don't feel obliged.

2022 Contenders: The Boys With The Perpetual Nervousness

Jangly guitars?

Check.

Lush harmonies?

Check.

A huge debt to The Byrds... via Teenage Fanclub?

Checkity check.

I reckon The Boys With The Perpetual Nervousness will tick quite a few boxes for quite a few of you guys. They had me with the band name... which, as I'm sure Brian will tell you, is taken from a song by The Feelies. 

The Boys With The Perpetual Nervousness are two blokes: one from Madrid, one from Edinburgh. I'm not sure how they got together, but I'm glad they did. 

The track below is one of the first fruits from their third album, released in September. In the meantime, you can catch up with their earlier work over at bandcamp.

Snapshots #212: A Top Ten Songs About Famous Painters

All yesterday's songs were about famous artists. Let me paint you a picture of the answers...

Special mention must go to the amazing Jonathan Richman who has written more songs about famous artists than anyone else. But he's featured here recently, and I'm running out of clues that link back to him...

Jonathan Richman - Pablo Picasso

Jonathan Richman - No One Was Like Vermeer

Jonathan Richman - Salvador Dali

Jonathan Richman - Vincent Van Gogh

10. Wilson & McDonald.

Brian Wilson & Michael McDonald!

A song about L.S. Lowry...

Brian & Michael - Matchstalk Men & Matchstalk Cats & Dogs

9. Davina, Holly, Dermot.

They're all Television Personalities.

And these guys love artists almost as much as Jonathan Richman...

Television Personalities - Salvador Dali's Garden Party

Television Personalities - David Hockney's Diaries

Television Personalities - Lichtenstein Painting

8. What if Emma & Richard were identical?

Emma Thompson & Richard Thompson are not twins.

The Thompson Twins - Salvador Dali's Car

7. A wee riddle, and jailhouse singer.

A Jimmy Riddle, and Webb Pierce (who sang In The Jailhouse Now).

Jimmy Webb - Paul Gauguin In The South Seas

6. George C. Scott & Joanne Woodward.

George C. Scott & Joanne Woodward appeared together in the film They Might Be Giants.

They Might Be Giants - Meet James Ensor 

5. Is Len nine?

Anagram!

Neil Innes - I Like Cézanne

4. Tearjerkers.

The Weepies - Painting By Chagall

3. Piano slum.

Anagram!

Paul Simon - Rene and Georgette Magritte with Their Dog After the War

2. Supporters of angst, kicks and wasteland.

Fans of teenage angst, teenage kicks and the teenage wasteland...

Teenage Fanclub - Escher

1. Mafia boss is spotless host.

The Don is a clean M.C.

No need to be a moaner, Lisa... Snapshots will be back next Saturday. Don't cut your ear off before then.

Snapshots #186: A Top Ten Planet Songs

Who better to introduce us to a Top Ten Planet Songs than the man who knows more about planets than anyone else?

But did he know all the answers...?

10. Run, Dada, Run!

A pretty simple anagram.

Duran Duran - Planet Earth

9. First word to Gort.

If you've seen The Day The Earth Stood Still (no, not the Keanu version), this one would have been pretty easy. Klaatu Barada Nikto, Gort!

Klaatu - Calling Occupants Of Interplanetary Craft

8. Korean war doctors lose their mobility.

The Mobile Army Surgical Hospital, without its mobility, would just be A*S*H*.

Ash - Jack Names The Planets

7. Jimmy Cagney.

Public Enemy - Fear Of A Black Planet

6. Always chooses the fifth letters.

Picks Es.

The Pixies - Planet Of Sound

5. Losing at tennis.

15 - Love. 30 - Love. Etc.

Love - The Daily Planet

4. When reorganized, she betrays UK.

Reorganise those letters and you get...

Kate Rusby - Planets

3. Cuban angel feet.

Anagram-tastic.

Teenage Fanclub - Planets

2. Bombs on stage.

The B-52s - Planet Claire

1. Half the binary code.

Only the 1s.

How was this never a hit?

More next week.

Conversations With Ben #3: Plato's Cave

Ben: The new Teenage Fanclub song "I'm more inclined" stole the intro from Girl on the Phone by The Jam and the chorus from Don't Fear The Reaper (except no cowbell). (God, I hate that joke.)

The verses sound like every Travelling Wilburys song.

Rol: Sounds like a classic. I added it to a playlist but it hasn't come up yet (while I've been awake).

It's pretty good but very cut and paste.

I know you'll hate it (but then, that adds to its appeal), but I'm digging the new Weezer album. They've been listening to lots of ELO... and Jellyfish.

Weezer are like a 3.5/5 Weezer cover band.

They're the musical embodiment of Plato's cave.

Not everything has to be deep. I appreciate the shallows too. It's warmer and more comforting to swim there. Especially these days.

They're just MOR is what I mean.

Some of my favourite artists are MOR. It's glorious to give yourself to MOR, rather than constantly trying to live your life on the edge.

Besides, what did Plato know? He never even had sex.

Next you'll be telling me to listen to Foo Fighters.

No, they are bland.

The difference between Weezer and Foo Fighters is in the lyrics. Rivers Cuomo writes fun, smart and slightly geeky lyrics. Dave Grohl trots out rock clichés second only to Noel Gallagher. Occasionally he throws in a killer riff that elevates the odd Foo Fighters song to car tape level, but a lyric insert is never needed in a FF album.

Ben responds by linking to the lyrics of Beverly Hills...

Look at all those movie stars

They're all so beautiful and clean

When the housemaids scrub the floors

They get the spaces in between

Yeah, but in that they were knowingly going for the MTV crowd. 

...and No One Else...

She's not allowed to feel good in herself unless it's for me!

Do you not GET irony?

The fetishization of Asian women as objects throughout Pinkerton is also irony?

This from the man who made me listen to Hot Action Cop on loop last week.

I never said anything in Hot Action Cop was good, just catchy. 

I do believe Rivers has matured as a lyricist.

He might have got better but it's still just Weezer lite.

How can it be Weezer lite if they were never any good in the first place?

I quite like Weezer, not sure why I'm being so standoffish over this.

But here we are.

I'd argue Thank God For Girls and Wind In Our Sail are lyrically better than anything Barenaked Ladies ever wrote.

Now you're pushing it.

All that said, there is another track on the new album that sounds like 5ive, so I'm not completely deaf to your standoffishness.

Again, don't mind Weezer.  If you were trying to tell me the new Green Day album was any good, that'd be a different story.

Also, I just realised that one of the tracks steals its intro from Everybody Loves You Now by Billy Joel... so that's me sold.

I only started this conversation as a distraction from the tedious process of fitting Velux skylight blinds. And maybe get a blog post out of it.

In both those,  you have served your purpose admirably.

Ugh. That sounds like a nightmare. 

You still trying to get blog material out of our dull conversations?

If I'm just left to write my own posts these days, they all sound like Marvin The Paranoid Android.

Need a little Zaphod Beeblebrox in it?

Say what you want about Solipsism, but at least it's an ethos...

Well as a steadfast materialist, I'd say there's plenty wrong with it

Of course. But how do I know your opinion  even exists?

Basic answer. As Descartes concluded, though you may not know, the reality you are presented with is the one that you must experience so must accept my opinion as a part of your own constructed reality.

Of course, if you want to eschew Cartesian Dualism, you can always lean heavily into Hegel.

But then as Feurbach shows, the line of thinking that the individual idea of man is the true spirit inherently leads to the reification of a god in its very act of eschewing it.

I guest teach the lecture on "idealism to materialism: an ontological and epistemological split" in the 4th year module on social scientific theories.

You could always just read Wittgenstein's tracto-logicus philosophus. It gives a good argument that solipsistic ideas really have no bearing and are misinformed perceptions of the external world.

Is this good blog material?

Don't bother asking for an extension on the essay, then.

There is a link back to Weezer in all this though - their album is called OK Human, a play on the Radiohead album OK Computer which featured the track Paranoid Android. Gives us as a nice circular structure to this piece...

As for that new Teenage Fanclub song, most of its tune is nicked from Who'll Stop The Rain? by Creedence.

Neverending Top Ten #2.2: Kylie's Crush

This is one of Sam's favourite songs at the moment.

He doesn't know who Kylie is.

He doesn't know what a BMX is.

I doubt he even knows what a crush is.

But he loves singing along to the chorus, happily unaware that the song was written by Gerard Love of Teenage Fanclub or that Kurt Cobain once said, "If I could be in any other band, it would be BMX Bandits".

When I first heard this song, I wondered if the band had actually ever met Kylie. The answer to that can be found here.

Anyway, the point is, you don't need to know any of this stuff to enjoy a good pop song. Sam doesn't - and he loves it.

Saturday Snapshots #54 - The Answers

This Is Love that makes you come back to play Saturday Snapshots, I know it is. Whether you're Man-Size or a 50 Ft Queenie, you know This Mess We're In can only be solved by working out the answers... and you never let me down. Early bird prize goes to No-Lie-Ins Lynchie, with Alyson & Walter both sharing a respectable two and a quarter in joint second place. Although if I was being really mean, I might knock a smidgen of Alyson's mark off for not getting the full title of our Number One (including parenthesis). Charity Chic and Rigid Digit mopped up the rest this week.

Thanks for playing, as always.



10. Untie 6-E = foundations x 2.

Untie untie 6 and take away the e and eventually you might end up with...

Unit 4 + 2 - Concrete & Clay

Video of the week!

9. Tough stereos are invincible.

A tough stereo would be a hard-fi.

Someone invincible is hard to beat.

Hard-Fi - Hard To Beat

8. Get beaten up riding up to the top of the mountain.

You ride to the top of a mountain on a chairlift.

Getting beaten up leaves you with bruises.

Chairlift - Bruises

Yes, Lynchie, there is a band called Chairlift.

7. Sad stoat greets early Wham! song.

Sad stoat = blue mink.

The Wham! song is Freedom.

An early greeting would be Good Morning.

Blue Mink - Good Morning Freedom

6. How do I feel about an open, honest pickett?

Open & honest is frank.

Pickett is Wilson.

Frank Wilson - Do I Love You? 

5. No chance of parole in a French prison when Chamberlain left Take That.

If you've no chance of parole, it's life. What's that in French?

Robbie left Take That.

Chamberlain was Neville.

Robbie Nevil - C'est La Vie

4. Noel and Liam stay up late thinking deeply about miserable faces.

Mull over dour faces.

Maria Muldaur - Midnight At The Oasis

3. Hunky monks go jogging alone.

All-man brothers. Geddit?

The song was a little harder.

The Allman Brothers - No One To Run With

2. Adolescent admirers meet a philosopher with a heart of gold.

Teenage Fanclub, obviously.

Neil Jung, obviously.

Teenage Fanclub - Neil Jung

1. Definite & indefinite TV girls try to remember a tragic heroine.

The definite article is The.

The indefinite article is A.

The Gilmore Girls was an American TV show.

Juliet was the tragic heroine.

(Try to remember = Keep That In Mind.)



Saturday Snapshots will return next week. You can't get Rid Of Me that easily.

My Top Ten Car Theft Songs



Car theft is no laughing matter, as anyone who's ever had their car stolen will tell you. Doesn't stop people writing songs about it though...

Here's ten of the best.


10. Babybird - Too Handsome To Be Homeless

We are not cool
We are not crazy
We steal cars
Because we're lazy

Well, that's one explanation.

9. Alice Cooper - Steal That Car

Vincent, on the other hand, just has no shame.

It just ain't fair I was put in that position
Somebody left their keys in the ignition
I saw the unlocked door and made my decision
I just can't help myself

8. Teenage Fanclub - Don't Look Back

Could there possibly be a sweeter lyric about car theft than this?

 

I'd steal a car to drive you home

7. Kirsty MacColl - Bad

I want a brief encounter in a stolen car

A hand on my buttock in a Spanish bar

We need more pop songs that feature the word "buttock". I'm tempted to compile a Top Ten.

6. Big Star - In The Street

Steal your car, and bring it down

Pick me up, we'll drive around

Wish we had

A joint so bad

They don't write 'em like that anymore.

Don't drive stoned, kids.

5. Elvis Presley - In The Ghetto

He buys a gun

Steals a car

Tries to run

But he don't get far...

...and the hearts of a million Elvis fans crack open.

Or, if you prefer, try Blue Suede Shoes...

Well, you can burn my house

Steal my car

Drink my liquor

From an old fruit jar

Well do anything that you want to do

But uh-uh, honey lay off of my shoes!

4. Beth Orton - Stolen Car

Forgotten how good this was. For a while there, Beth was the natural heir to Joni's crown.

One drink too many and a joke gone too far

I see a face drive like a stolen car

Gets harder to hide when you're hitching a ride

Harder to hide what you really saw

3. Bruce Springsteen - Stolen Car

Regular readers might have exected this to be Number One. So did I. Then I remembered the two songs below. Still, this is bloody marvellous. Question though, Bruce fans... do you prefer the album version above... or the piano-heavy re-interpretation / original from Tracks? I'm torn. I reckon that version actually sounds more like Bruce, whereas the version included on The River is Bruce doing Dylan.

And I'm driving a stolen car

Down on Eldridge Avenue

Each night I wait to get caught

But I never do...

Got to recommend the Patty Griffin version too.

2. Pulp - Joyriders

For the second time this week, Jarvis almost makes it to Number One... story of his life, I guess, considering Common People may well be the best Number Two ever. This song  is perfection: makes you wonder what could be better, doesn't it?

We can't help it, we're so thick we can't think,

Can't think of anything but shit, sleep and drink.

Oh, and we like women;

"Up the women" we say,

And if we get lucky,

We might even meet some one day.

Mister, we just want your car,

'Cause we're taking a girl to the reservoir.

Oh, all the papers say,

It's a tragedy, but don't you want to come and see?

(Oh, and I'm very sorry, but I just couldn't find room for Roxette's Joyride. I know you were expecting it!)

1. Billy Bragg & Johnny Marr - Greetings To The New Brunette

Shirley stole today's top prize - Billy and Johnny were so good together, it makes you wonder if they'd have lasted longer and been even more cherished than Johnny and that other bloke. If only they'd made more music together...

The people from your church agree

It's not much of a career

Trying the handles of parked cars

Whoops - there goes another year!

Whoops - there goes another pint of beer!

Here we are in our summer years

Living on ice cream and chocolates kisses

Would the leaves fall from the trees

If I was your old man

And you was my missus?

What's in the tape deck of your stolen car?

My Top Ten 'Life Sucks!' Songs (Volume 1, surely...)

Shut up, Axl. You have no idea what you're talking about.

Life... don't talk to me about life...

When you've had a week like I've had, sometimes you just want to wallow...


10. Hall & Oates - Who Said The World Was Fair? 

Not just Hall & Oates, but H&O go disco. If I'm gonna wallow, I'm really gonna wallow...

I think it must be a test to weed the best from the rest
But whatever they are doing is driving us
Out of our minds
Driving us out of our minds

9. The Pernice Brothers - My So-Called Celibate Life

In each life a quiet hell. Half a million scripts you can never sell.

Wow. That one kicked me in the gut. Thanks, Joe!

8. Teenage Fanclub - My Uptight Life

The waking world is full of cynics' sighs
Cynicism's a box I don't want to be in
I'll stay in bed until I stabilize 

Staying in bed. The dream...

7. Queen - It's A Hard Life

I try and mend the broken pieces
Oh, I try to fight back the tears
Oh, they say it's just a state of mind
But it happens to everyone

And nobody appreciates you, do they, Freddie?

6. Manic Street Preachers - Life Becoming a Landslide

I don't wanna be a man

I know. It's hard work, isn't it, James?

5. Morrissey - Life Is A Pigsty

 Well, of course it is, Moz. That goes without saying.

Can you please stop time?
Can you stop the pain?
I feel too cold
And now I feel too warm again
Can you stop this pain?

4. Warren Zevon - My Shit's Fucked Up

Because sometimes all you can do is say bad words to make you feel better...

That amazing grace
Sort of passed you by
You wake up every day
And you start to cry
Yeah, you want to die
But you just can't quit
Let me break it on down:
It's the fucked up shit

3. Laura Cantrell - Pile of Woe

Take it away, Laura... PLEASE take it away.

Come on baby stop your cryin'
You know you shouldn't bother so
Didn't your momma ever tell you
This world's a pile of woe

What's been born is busy dyin'
Our fortunes with the four winds blow
Don't dread the night, don't fear the morrow
Don't let this bed of sorrow grow

2. Meat Loaf - Life Is A Lemon (And I Want My Money Back)

Jim Steinman knows what he's talking about...

It's always something
There's always something going wrong
That's the only guarantee
That's what this is all about

It's a never ending attack
Everything's a lie and that's a fact
Life is a lemon
And I want my money back

1. Black Box Recorder - Child Psychology

You can always rely on Luke Haines to put things in perspective...

Life is unfair:
Kill yourself, or get over it.

Still, tomorrow's another day, eh?

My Top Ten Songs For Electricians

Some time ago (well, 2+ years... my, how time flies) when I unveiled My Top Ten Carpentry Songs I fully intended to follow it up with songs devoted to other popular trades. Finally, I decided to have a go at electricians - but I wanted to avoid all the obvious Electric songs (Dreams / Friends / Avenue / Ladyland / Spanking of War Babies etc.) because they'll fit into their own post one day. So here, instead, are ten songs specifically about electricians... or about the things they deal with on a daily basis.

Special mention to Cliff Richard - Wired For Sound which is as close to a guilty pleasure as I get (considering how broad and cheesy these lists do sometimes go). I tried to find room for Sir Cliff here, but in the end I had to admit that it's a song more about speakers (tall ones and small ones - Cliff has no time for midi). The rollerskating video is always worth a look though...

Further special mentions to Elvis and George Harrison, both of whom (according to t'internet) started out as apprentice electricians before more successful careers beckoned...



10. Robert Palmer - I Dream Of Wires

Perhaps I should have gone with Gary Numan's original version, but I was always a huge fan of Bob Palmer's voice and I consider it a tragedy that he died as young as he did because I bet he could have gone on and on... as Numan himself has done.

Anyway, I Dream Of Wires is one of the few songs I know that actually mentions an electrician in its lyrics, though it actually tells of a completely "wireless" future wherein the "last electrician alive" looks back fondly on a world that was a little less alien...

We opened doors by thinking
We went to sleep by dialing 'o'
We drove to work by proxy
I plugged my wife in, just for show

New ways, new ways
I dream of wires

So I press 'c' for comfort
I dream of wires, the old days

Other songs to mention electricians directly include Better Things by Massive Attack & Tracy Thorn  (You say the magic's gone / Well, I'm not a magician / You say the spark's gone / Well get an electrician), Demystification by Zounds (My electronic shaver won't plug into the wall /
Now I can't go to the party, the electrician didn't call) and Nick Cave's amazing Babe, I'm On Fire. Oh, and this...

9. John Parish - Kansas City Electrician

An artist whose solo work I only discovered quite recently, though he's been knocking around for years, working with the likes of PJ Harvey, Eels and Sparklehorse. KCE sounds like classic American alt-rock, so I was surprised to find out that Parish is actually from the UK (Yeovil), though I guess his lyrical slang ("nowt", "that bloke") should have given him away. A great song: made me go out and buy the album.  

8. Muse - Plug In Baby

I have a curious relationship with Muse. I liked their early material very much and even went to see them playing live when they were just starting out (at The Leadmill, I think). Matt Bellamy spent most of the show with his back to the audience... and I never really recovered from that. (Believe it or not, I much preferred the support act. They were called Cold something. Cold...play? No idea what happened to them.)

7. Teenage Fanclub - Sparky's Dream

A cracking single from the Fannies, one of their best. The Byrds have a lot to answer for.

6. Electric Six - Danger! High Voltage

Very silly.

Very.

Very.

Silly.

Good, though.

The video's a work of art.

5. The Wonder Stuff - Change Every Light Bulb

The opening track from what is sometimes my favourite Stuffies album, Construction For The Modern Idiot. Not heard this in ages.

4. Athlete - Wires

A very emotive song, more so when you know that it's about the premature birth of lead Athlete Joel Pott's daughter and the life support system that kept her going.

3. Slaves - Sockets

I haven't made up my mind yet, but Slaves are definite contenders for the best new band of 2015. They've got the snotty punk appeal of early Supergrass, but a little more to say for themselves lyrically. They're just two lads from Kent (Laurie Vincent on guitar / bass and Isaac Holman on drums: they both sing) but they make a hell of a satisfying racket.

On first listen, the Sockets they sing about here appear to be the ones in your head rather than the ones an electrician would fix. The video suggests otherwise...

2. Barenaked Ladies - Light Up My Room

The Barenaked Ladies are a clever band - sometimes a little too clever - but this is the closest they ever got to capturing my heart as well as tickling my funny bone. Here, a whole town is infected with electricity thanks to a nearby Hydrofield (what the Canadians call a bunch of pylons, basically), making every resident into an amateur electrician.

I can put a spare bulb in my hand
And light up my yard...

1. Glen Campbell - Wichita Lineman

Longtime readers of my ramblings may have seen this one coming: but I'll be honest with you, when I started planning this post I hadn't even considered that a lineman was an electrician. Once I'd made the connection, it had to be Number One, for the sheer fact that it is the greatest song ever written (Jimmy Webb Is God) and, though there are many fine versions in existence, no one will ever top Glen's haunting and heartbreaking delivery. I could go on and on about what makes it so special (the way that the melody and the lyrics merge together to create a seamless jewel; the yearning romanticism and evocative imagery; "And I need you more than want you / And I want your for all time") but I've probably said it all elsewhere. Simply put, there is no finer recording and if I could make it Number One every week, I would.




Which one would you get to wire your house (for sound)?