Yesterday was Halloween... so I'm guessing this one would have been pretty obvious?
Maybe not.
Here are some songs to suck blood to...
15. Found to be indistinguishable.
That's Sting, as found in distinguishable, with a cameo role in the movie Zoolander 2.
I almost posted this picture yesterday, because the web of lies led me to believe that Sting had once appeared in a wrestling movie. Turns out this was a wrestler called Sting instead though. D'oh.
This was the week that I discovered that the above "classic" Sting hit was about vampires, not about those awful biscuits that are always left in the tin after all the good ones are gone. I now know much more about Sting that anyone ever wanted to.
14. New Amusements over Morrissey's boy child... they're small, delicate and refined.
Martin hosts New Amusements. Morrissey's boy child would be Stephen's son. And the rest are dainty.
Anyone shouting at their computer, "but the Hitchcock film was Saboteur!" You're right. Saboteur was his 1942 movies, starring Robert Cummings, Priscilla Lane and Norman Lloyd. But six years prior to that, he also had a film called Sabotage, starring Sylvia Sidney, Oskar Homolka, and John Loder.
We're back with another one of George's suggestions, but I knew I'd have little problem coming up with songs about Lucille Fay LeSueur. Four years ago (can it really be that long?), way before the Celebrity Jukebox was even built, I composed a Top Ten Bette Davis Songs. At the time, George asked me to follow with a Top Ten Joan Crawford Songs and I even started compiling a list... then life got in the way. Anyway, better late than never.
We have to start with this one, because I know it's on of George's personal favourites...
I should stop there, because clearly we're not going to beat a song with the chorus
Joan Crawford has rise from the grave!
But just in case there's anyone out there who doesn't share George's deep devotion to the Cult of the Blue Oyster... try these instead:
And some Homeboys lookin' for trouble down here from the Bronx
Arguably the best Lou Reed album features quite a few celebrity guests. I'm sure we'll hear from that record again soon.
How about something a bit more recent? How about a band who describe themselves as "Angry and miserable post-punk music from Italy"? Surely you want some of that?
But as we're clearly never going to find a song that beats George's favourites, maybe the best we can do to close this post is choose a song about one of Joan's most famous roles?
Your suggestions welcome. Otherwise I'll just keep going through George's list...
Last week, when Alyson revealed that she had 83 blog post ideas pending, I was forced to check my own drafts folder. I was ashamed to discover 345 posts waiting to be completed. Some of them are no more than a title and a couple of songs, others are drafts of posts I've already published (so they need deleting) and others I've been reluctant to tackle because I was finding it hard to narrow the list of songs down to just 10.
Well, I'm going to try and tackle a few of these over the summer, to see if I can cut my drafts down to a least... I dunno, 330? Let's start with ten songs about spies... with a special mention, of course, to the very first Billy Bragg album, Life's A Riot With Spy Vs. Spy, from which this is a superb way to kick off your recording career...
And now, onto the real spy songs. Be careful... they're watching you!
She's one of a dozen Yet you've seen the state Of the other eleven So hold onto her Stay focused Don't let your eyes stray low And watch her with interest Keep the springtime at bay
She's got spies and they're looking out for me But it's not like the KGB, it's just a game we play She's got hooks meant for catching fish at sea And she's casting them out and about to catch me unaware
Some kind of kinky role play thing going on there.
That Martin Rossiter could be a bit creepy at times...
Honey are you listening? I'll make you stay at home Can't afford the risk I want us to go on As a sign of my love I've a spy in the clubs So I'll know if you go I will know
...then again, he was probably just trying to keep his lady safe from this lot...
It has to be said that Pulp's ultimate Spying Song is Babies, in which Jarvis hides in the wardrobe of his mate's sister and spies on her until she discovers him. There are a couple more twists in that story.
But I Spy is pretty special too. And once again, only Jarvis Cocker could get away with lyrics like these...
And it's just like in the old days I used to compose my own critical notices in my head "The crowd gasp at Cocker's masterful control of the bicycle Skilfully avoiding the dog turd next to the corner shop"
Imagining a blue plaque Above the place I first ever touched a girl's chest
But hold on You've got to wait for the best You see, you should take me seriously
Very seriously indeed.
Cause I've been sleeping with your wife for the past sixteen weeks Smoking your cigarettes Drinking your brandy Messing up the bed that you chose together
And in all that time I just wanted you to come home unexpectedly one afternoon And catch us at it in the front room
You see I spy for a living And I specialize in revenge On taking the things I know will cause you pain I can't help it I was dragged up
My favorite parks are car parks Grass is something you smoke Birds are something you shag Take your "Year in Provence" and shove it up your ass!
As mentioned earlier, I could easily have gone another ten of those. Which top secret tunes would you have included?
I see there's a new Jason Statham movie coming out today called The Meg featuring a giant prehistoric shark. I'm not a great fan of Jason 'The Plank' Statham, but I do like a good shark movie. And ten good shark songs...
Special mention to that terrifying predator that preyed on innocent bloggers a few years back... Feargal Sharkey.
I will be the first to admit that this is not a classic. The video, however, is a wonder to behold. Sharks. Goats. Witch doctors. Guns. Ghosts. Unicorns. Snakes. Dragons. A giant dove. A shooting star... or is it a shooting shark? Plus that moustache. Utterly, utterly bonkers.
I love the lyrics to this, in which Kristin Hersh picks up an absolute loser of a bloke on the docks and tries to convince herself he's not that bad really.
This afternoon Your bite's not so bad Your bark's not too scary I could kiss you For remembering my address
Because you can never have enough Jimmy Buffett. (Well, you probably can. But I can't.) Bearing in mind that most of Jimmy's songs involve lazing about on a boat, it shouldn't surprise us that he occasionally gets scared of sharks. Turns out the sharks in this song are of the two legged variety though...
She came down from Cincinnati, It took her three days on the train. Lookin' for some peace and quiet, Hoped to see the sun again.
But now she lives down by the ocean She's takin' care to look for sharks. They hang out in the local bars, And they feed right after dark.
Can't you feel 'em circlin', honey? Can't you feel 'em swimmin' around? You got fins to the left, fins to the right, And you're the only bait in town.
Like a horror film in two and a half minutes - this starts out with sharks preying on bleeding hearts, but the twist soon shows us a much greater threat: "Hey! Watch out for those kids! They'll tear you apart!"
6. Self-destructive patients correct, condense and control.
One where you had to guess the band to identify the song... but I did give you three different clues for the band! (If anyone got this after 9pm last night, apologies.)
3. Good for lighting a fire under your date - when you just want to get out into the country!
Tinder is, I understand, what da young peeps are using to hook up these days. (And the older peeps who are still at it... dating, I mean, since once you're past 40 that other stuff is but a distant memory.)
If you were sick of the city, you'd want to get out to the country.
Let's start with the obvious one. It's a graveyard smash!
Originally released in 1962, though it was banned in the UK by the BBC for being "too morbid" (different times) so it wasn't a hit over here until the early 70s.
I'm not sure what I make of Jack Savoretti. I have a couple of his records, but they've never really grabbed me by the lugholes. This is a pleasant enough tune though, not too earnest-young-man (the curse of many of today's male singer songwriters, I feel: they need to crack a smile every now and then), and it deserves a mention for giving Shelley's original Doctor some consideration... rather than the more obvious Universal or Hammer take on the character as seen... well, here:
OK, so I wouldn't choose to listen to this every day, but occasionally I do dig a bit of hysterically operatic pomp-rock. And let's face it, it deserves a place on this countdown for its title alone.
The theme tune to the 80s teen comedy in which two high school nerds create their own "Franken-babe" in the shape of Kelly Le Brock.
You had to be there. And be a teenager.
I was vaguely aware of Oingo Boingo beyond this song, but I did not know that they'd been around since 1972 (when they started life as The Mystic Knights of the Oingo Boingo), or that their lead singer / songwriter was movie and Simpson theme tune composer Danny Elfman.
Sam is new in town and having no luck whatsoever finding himself a date for Saturday night...
Now, another fella told me, He had a sister who looked just fine Instead of being my deliverance She had a strange resemblance To a cat named Frankenstein!
This is what rock music looked like in the 70s, kids. If you watched The Old Grey Whistle Test, anyway. A monumental rock instrumental, this song apparently made history for being the first time anyone had ever strapped a keyboard around their neck and played it like a guitar. Winter goes on to play both saxophone AND drums here during the same performance: without ever taking the keyboard off.
The original recording was spliced together from loads of separate tapes in which Winter played most of the instruments himself: hence, Frankenstein.
Annoyingly, the only version I could find on youtube is a live recording where Aimee drags half of Toronto up on stage with her to take part in the song. Which is a shame, because this is Metaphorical Aimee at her best, giving electric life to the story of a horrific romance...
And when later we find that the thing we devised
Has the villagers clamouring for it's demise
We will have to admit the futility of
Trying to make something more of this jerry-built love
Originally released by Aerosmith in the 70s, the more famous version is Rick Rubin's masterful car crash of hip hop and rock which broke rap into the mainstream charts for the first time and led to many far less-enjoyable rock/rap combos. It's a great song in both incarnations, but what's the Frankenstein connection, I hear you ask?
Well, Steve Tyler came up with the title based on a scene in the Mel Brooks' film Young Frankenstein. He left his original lyrics for the rest of the song on the back seat of a taxi so the version that was finally recorded was a sleazy something he came up with in the stairwell at the studio while the rest of the band were twiddling their fingers and bitching about him behind his back.
The best song on this list by a mile (hell, it's one of the best songs of the 21st century), but I couldn't make it Number One for reasons detailed below.
No, the F in GMF doesn't stand for Frankenstein... but there is quite a lot of Frankenstinian imagery going on here, notably here...
Half of the time I think I'm in some movie. I play the underdog of course. I wonder who they'll get to play me. Maybe they could dig up Richard Burton's corpse?
I am not who you think I am. I am quite angry--which I barely can conceal. You think I hate myself, but it's you I hate Because you have the nerve to make me feel.
Imagine those lines delivered by Monster to his creator... and they make a twisted kind of sense, don't they? And if further evidence is needed...
I should've practiced my scales. I should not be attracted to males. But you said that I should learn to love myself. Well, make up your mind, Dr. Frankenstein!
If you've not got into John Grant yet, please reconsider. Don't forget: you could be laughing 65% more of the time...
1. Alice Cooper - Teenage Frankenstein / Feed My Frankenstein
I had to give this one to Alice: he won on sheer numbers. Two great songs about Frankenstein AND a whole career cobbled together from horror film theatrics. It lives!
Of the two, 1986's Teenage Frankenstein is the stronger strong, a classic ode to teenage alienation... even though it was written by a 38 year old man.
I'm a teenage Frankenstein
These ain't my hands
And these legs ain't mine
Got a synthetic face
Got some scars and a brace
My hands are rough and bloody
I walk into the night
Women faint at the sight
I ain't no cutie-pie
I can't walk in the day
I must walk in the night
Teenage Frankenstein was written for the soundtrack of Friday The 13th Part VI: Jason Lives. You know, the one where Jason comes back from the dead and hacks to death a bunch of nubile teenagers after they're finished with (or, occasionally during) copulation. Ah, yes, it brings back memories of my own teenage years. Not the copulation: the duff 80s horror sequels.
Feed My Frankenstein, on the other hand, featured in a slightly more memorable film: Wayne's World. Wayne and Garth even feature in the video. Unlike TF, it wasn't an original Vincent Furnier composition: it was first recorded by Zodiac Mindwarp And The Love Reaction.
