My Top Ten Songs About Songwriting

In a much-requested sequel to last week's post on Songwriters, here's ten songs about "the process"...


10. Jeffrey Lewis - Songs About Songwriting Suck

Let's start with a tune that rules this whole Top Ten insignficant.

There's nothing wrong with singing songs about being low and blue
Just don't feed me crap about how you know you're saying nothing new
Either have the confidence to tell me something real or something fun
Or put down the guitar until the muse returns to turn you on

I agree with him in principal, but if we followed Jeffrey's Law, the world would never have heard the nine gems below...

9. Barry Manilow - I Write The Songs

Deano suggested this last week, although he went for a cooler cover. But I'm not ashamed to say there are Barry Manilow records in my collection, or that I enjoy getting them out from time to time. On first listen, the idea that "I write the songs that make the whole world sing" seems a little arrogant. Until you realise that old Manly Barrimore (copyright Terry Wogan, 1981) isn't staking this claim for himself. Oh, no: this record is written from the perspective of Music itself.

I've been alive forever
And I wrote the very first song
I put the words and the melodies together
I am music and I write the songs

Beat that, Sting!

8. Eels - I Write The B-Sides

Which brings us to E's gloriously self-deprecating riposte to the Bazzer Boogie...

I write the b-sides
That make a small portion of the world cry
I like the seaside
And singing songs that make you not wanna die

Wonderful stuff.

7. Creedence Clearwater Revival - Wrote A Song For Everyone

A common theme in John Fogerty's songwriting was protesting against the Vietnam War draft, and this one starts in similar vein. The twist in the chorus is rather sweet though, taking us from protest anthem to ballad, as Fogerty admits he can write a song for everyone... but he can't write one for you.

6. Justin Currie - Every Song's The Same

Ah, heartbreaking cynicism, thy name is Currie. Here's your basic songwriting lesson from JC... the second line should rhyme with something in your baby's heart.

5. The Blazing Zoos - I Didn't Have The Material (Before Now)

Phew. For a second I thought the internet was going to let me down. Youtube hadn't heard of it, but fortunately I was able to locate Andrew Mueller's twanging comic-country genius on Soundcloud. If you've never heard The Blazing Zoos before - and I'd be surprised if you had - give this one a spin, please, and hear Mueller tear strips off the woman who gave him everything he needed to pen this tune...

Always wanted to write a country song
But  never had a girl who did me wrong
I didn't have the material... before now!

4. Art Brut - Formed A Band

This one will surely make its way into my inevitable Top Ten Songs About Being In A Band, when I get round to that, and you might think it'd be more appropriate there. Except for the wonderment of verse 2...

I want to be the boy -
The man -
Who writes the song
That makes Israel and Palestine
Get along
I'm gonna write a song
As universal as Happy Birthday
That's gonna make sure
That everybody knows
That everything's gonna be OK
I'm gonna take that song
And we're gonna play it
Eight weeks in a row on Top of the Pops

Eddie Argos hasn't been the same since they cancelled TOTP.

(And, yes, that is his singing voice. It's not irony. It's not rock 'n' roll. He's just talking to the kids.)

3. Harry Chapin - There Was Only One Choice

At almost 14 minutes in length, this is a masterclass in songwriting from one of the best in the business. An autobiographical rage against the machine-cum-sage lesson in life, it's epic in every way.

Strum your guitar -- sing it kid
Just write about your feelings -- not the things you never did

2. Bruce Springsteen - Dancing In The Dark

The story has become legend. Bruce had written the majority of the songs for the album that would become Born In The USA, but (to quote Tom Petty), "The A&R man says he don't hear a single." And so he was tasked with writing a radio hit... and the ensuing struggle with writers' block is chronicled metaphorically in the lyrics to Dancing In The Dark.

I get up in the evening
And I ain't got nothing to say
I come home in the morning
I go to bed feeling the same way
I ain't nothing but tired
Man I'm just tired and bored with myself
Hey there baby, I could use just a little help
You can't start a fire
You can't start a fire without a spark
This gun's for hire
Even if we're just dancing in the dark

The irony, of course, is that he almost did his job too well, creating his biggest ever radio hit... and launching Courtney Cox's career in the video to boot. But the album had plenty more singles to come...

1. The Beautiful South - Song For Whoever 

Songwriter Paul Heaton had me from that inspired opening...

I love you from the bottom of my pencil case

...but by the time Dave Hemingway hits the line about loving you because of the "PRS cheques that you bring", it became clear that nobody had ever written a love song about the fringe benefits of writing a love song before... even if they couldn't remember exactly which girl they wrote this one for.

Deep, so deep
The Number One I hope to reap
Depends upon the tears you weep
So cry, lover, cry

Oh Cathy, oh Alison
Oh Philippa, oh Sue
You made me so much money
I wrote this song for you...

See also Throw His Song Away, Prettiest Eyes, One Last Love Song, My Book... and many more. In fact, Heato's probably written more songs about songwriting than any other lyricist (since, credit where it's due, the music was mostly written by Dave Rotheray). And, no, Jeffrey Lewis, none of them suck.


So... those were my favourite songs about songwriting. Which one do you love from the bottom of your pencil case?

My Top Ten Songs About Songwriters

Songwriting is an art form, but some of its most famous artists are more well known for the songs they wrote for other people. Which is why there are no songs in this list about John Lennon, Paul Simon, Bruce Springsteen, et al. Just in case you were wondering...

Someone will still suggest a song about Lennon, you can guarantee it.


10. Nosferatu D2 - I Killed Burt Bacharach

I don't approve of the sentiment, but I love Ben Parker's songwriting, both here and in The Superman Revenge Squad.

9. A - I Love Lake Tahoe

Yeah, the trees are pretty wide
That's where Sonny Bono died.

A - not a great name for band, though I suppose it got them first place in the Bands section of the Yellow Pages.

8. Mercury Rev - Tonite It Shows

This gets in because it's the only song I can think of to mention Cole Porter in its lyrics. (There must be more.) Plus it's much better than Dinner With Gershwin by Donna Summer.

Don't get me wrong: I like Donna Summer, but having watched the video for that, my eyeballs have been scorched by some awful 80s dancing.

See also The Coal Porters, obviously. 

7. Super Furry Animals - The Very Best Of Neil Diamond

Long before the rhinestone-collared shirts and treacly voice made him a household name, Neil Diamond was just a jobbing songwriter in the Brill Building. There he wrote I'm A Believer for The Monkees, among many other gems.

6. The Boo Radleys - Jimmy Webb Is God

You won't get any argument from me on that one, Boos... which is why this isn't the last song about God in this Top Ten.

Wipe away this tear from my eye
Wash away this sadness from my heart
I'm not even fit to tune your guitar
Oh, Jimmy, make me happy...

5. Pulp - Bob Lind (The Only Way Is Down)

Jarvis pays homage to the Elusive Butterfly of 60s folk.

When you think you're treading water, but you're just learning how to drown.
And a song comes on the radio telling you that "The Only Way is Down".
You're out of luck, you're out of time, get out of here.
Your lover just traded you in for the very same model but a much more recent year.
It will not stop, it will get worse from day to day 'til you admit that you're a fuck-up; like the rest of us.

4. Prefab Sprout - The Songs of Danny Galway

From one of the best albums of 2013; and their career. Being a bit dim, I didn't realise that this was written about Jimmy until Miller pointed it out to me.

His melodies inspire whims, his chord changes like Baptist hymns
They lift your spirit til it soars, til you forget that spirit's yours
Sound and word in sweet communion, echoes of a better world
Where chivalry's not dead, we'll look for it instead in the songs of Danny Galway

3. Billy Bragg - Levi Stubbs' Tears

No, Levi Stubbs wasn't a songwriter: he was the lead singer of The Four Tops. Which is probably the only reason this track doesn't get to Number One with a bullet... in most other Top Tens, Billy's heartbreaking Motown tribute would be unstoppable.

Norman Whitfield and Barrett Strong
Are here to make right everything that's wrong
Holland & Holland, Lamont Dozier too
Are here to make it all OK with you

2. Ben Folds & Nick Hornby - Doc Pomus

Ben & Nick pay tribute to one half of the classic Pomus/Shuman songwriting team. This song made me want to read more about Doc Pomus's life. Stricken by polio as a young boy, Pomus refused to be "one of those happy cripples", pouring his heartache directly into the hits...

And out they pour
The hits and the misses
'Turn Me Loose', 'Lonely Avenue'
And down in Nashville, Elvis sings 'Suspicion':
Pomus / Shuman 1962

1. Rumer - P.F. Sloan

And so we return again, inevitably, to Jimmy Webb, with a classic example of his own songwriting, in tribute to a songwriting hero from his early days. Webb's recording of this record is beautiful... but Rumer took it to another level.

Yes, Jimmy Webb is god.



They wrote the songs that made the whole world sing. Which song gets you singing about songwriters?

My Top Ten Knife Songs

"You call that a knife? These are knives..."

(Special mention to Shonen Knife and The Young Knives.)


10. Brett Anderson - Knife Edge

 A devastating piano ballad that proves Brett really doesn't need guitars to inflict a deep, lasting wound.

9. Los Campesinos - We Throw Parties, You Throw Knives

If you ever considered playing Pass The Parcel with human body parts, Los Campesinos have the song for you.

It's your party but I'll die if I want to...

8. Bryan Adams - Cuts Like A Knife

Deal with it.

7. Radiohead - Knives Out

 I remember when Radiohead released this, they said it was their "Smiths song".

So knives out
Cook him up
Squash his head
Put him in the pot

Moz would be proud. (Except, he wouldn't, of course. He hates Radiohead.)

6. PJ Harvey - Pocket Knife

They should keep her away from all sharp objects. Don't even let her run with scissors. 

Flowers I can do without
I don't wanna be tied down
White material will stain
My pocket knife's gotta shiny blade
I'm not trying to cause a fuss
I just wanna make my own fuck-ups
I'm not trying to break your heart
I'm just trying not to fall apart...

5. Dingus Khan - Knifey Spoon

A spiky indie track I got into because Lamacq kept playing it on 6Music. The video is mental.

I couldn't find a knife so I had to use a spoon...

4. Dire Straits - Six Blade Knife

My shameless middle-aged sojourn into Dad-Rock continues. Dire Straits are another band who, like Steely Dan, I'd only listened to in Greatest Hits form until very recently. Now I can't get enough of them.

This, from their eponymous 1978 debut album is SEX + DEATH = ROCK 'N' ROLL. (Honest.)

3. Aztec Camera - Knife

Over 9 minutes in length - that's one long knife!

And the knife has got my number,
And the number that you keep,
And the knife has called division,
And it's drawn when I'm asleep.

2. The Long Blondes - A Knife For The Girls

Every time I play a Long Blondes track on this blog, it is customary for me to bemoan their untimely passing. One listen to this creepy little bedsit stalker anthem will prove why...

1. Louis Armstrong - Mack The Knife 

Like it could have been anything else.

Written by Kurt Weill and Bertolt Brech (the original German title is "Die Moritat von Mackie Messer"... which doesn't trip off the tongue quite as smoothly) and recorded by everybody from Frank to Bobby Darin to Sting and Robbie Williams... but Louis' version is the definitive one for me.

This one's for Sukie Tawdry...




Those were my knives... but which one is stuck in your back?

My Top Ten Dirty Songs

Ten songs in need of a good wash.

If you came looking for Christina Aguilera, you'll end up disappointed. She can't even spell 'dirty'...


10. Don Henley - Dirty Laundry

Here's one I haven't listened to in 20 years. A condemnation of TV news sensationalism from Henley's debut solo album.

9. Poison - Talk Dirty To Me

Hair metal at its best. If you believe such a thing is possible.

8. Frank Zappa - Dirty Love

 If there's a dragon in your dreams, Frank's here to help... at a price.

7. AC/DC - Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap

Kinda like 118 118 for bastards.

6. The Bastard Fairies - Dirty Sexy Kill Kill

How can you not want to listen to a band called The Bastard Fairies? Especially when they sound like Amanda Palmer backed by the Eels? Get out while you still can!

Last I checked, this was even available for free download from their website.

5. The White Stripes - Dead Leaves And The Dirty Ground

In which the line between Jack White and Johnny Depp blurs imperceptibly, courtesy of director Michel Gondry.

4. Lou Reed - Dirty Blvd.

 Lou takes a serious shot at his hometown. Amazing storytelling.

Give me your hungry, your tired, your poor I'll piss on 'em
That's what the Statue of Bigotry says
Your poor huddled masses
Let's club 'em to death
And get it over with and just dump 'em on the boulevard

3. The Pogues - Dirty Old Town

Written by Kirsty's dad, back in 1949, but Shane made it his own. You don't hear many opening lines better than this...

I met my girl by the gas works' wall...

2. Bonnie Tyler & Todd Rundgren - Loving You Is A Dirty Job But Somebody's Gotta Do It

Written by Jim Steinman, like all the best Bonnie Tyler songs. You could probably guess that from the length of the title and the inclusion of orchestra, 12 sticks of dynamite and kitchen sink in the score.The video is also a work of demented 80s genius... featuring Hywel Bennett in the Todd Rundgren role.

There were times when we fought like tigers
There were times we were damn good liars
There were times we extinguished every
That was burning, burning, burning up each other alive
From the heavens on down to the dives
There were times we lost it all we lost it all
There were times we lost it all we lost it all

1. Steely Dan - Dirty Work

I've been listening to this a lot lately since its appearance in my Film of 2014 (so far... but then, I have only seen two), American Hustle. However, over the last few months I've also been listening to a helluva lot more Steely Dan than I ever have before. I am officially middle-aged. (I reach The Meaning of Life, The Universe & Everything this week, folks!)

So I am now at the stage in my life where I'd rather listen to a 42 year-old Steely Dan song (this, from their debut album, is as old as I am) than anything Radio 1 would ever play. These Top Tens used to contain a lot more Cool Young Indie Music and a lot less Sad Old Muso Music. I always dreaded this day... but you know what? It ain't that bad... 




Which one would you scrub up for?

My Top Ten Cold War Songs

This week I will mostly be playing the 80's nostalgia card, thanks to the current tiff between Mr. Putin and Mr. Obama that inspired Dodgy Dave to put on his serious face for twitter.


10. Sting - Russians

Let's get the obvious one out of the way first, shall we?

Ah, Sting. Sting, Sting, Sting. It's not a bad song, it's just... like most of Sting's "issues" songs... it's about as subtle as all the bricks in the Berlin Wall piled up on top of each other in a Sting-shaped heap.  

"Do the Russians love their children too?"

At least it's not written from the perspective of a Russian dog. 

9. Prince - Ronnie, Talk To Russia

Blimey, a Prince song that's actually available on youtube. Not one of his best, but fascinating in a 80's time capsule kind of way.

8. Iron Maiden - 2 Minutes To Midnight

Far more subtle than Sting could ever be.

7. Nena - 99 Red Balloons

So Nena lets off a bunch of (luft)balloons with her boyfriend, only they get mistaken for missiles and BOOM. The world ends. You see how easy these things can get out of hand?

6. Elton John - Nikita

With hindsight, this looks even more unintentionally hilarious than Sting's Russkies, I can see that. In my defence, I firmly believe Elton has a sense of humour (unlike Gordon) - which the video surely proves.

Also, when I was 13, I thought this record was heartbreaking. (Then again, when I was 13, I thought most things were heartbreaking.)

5. The Beatles - Back In The U.S.S.R.

The best Beach Boys song the Beatles ever wrote. Brilliant.

Well the Ukraine girls really knock me out
They leave the West behind
And Moscow girls make me sing and shout
That Georgia's always on my my my my my my my my my mind

4. Billy Joel - Leningrad

I keep comparing other songs on this list to #10, which is churlish. I really don't have anything against Sting. It's not like he's Bono or anything.

Anyway, here Billy shows the po-faced, bumblebee-shirted former teacher how to do it with class. A stunning piece of serious storytelling songwriting.

3. Donald Fagen - New Frontier

From the majestic Nightfly album, Fagen's 50s flashback finds a young couple planning for their future in the cosy warmth of their backyard bomb shelter.

We've got provisions and lots of beer
The key word is survival on the new frontier

2. The Smiths - Ask

If it's not love
Then it's the bomb
That'll bring us together...

Possibly the least cynical love song Moz ever wrote.

1. Frankie Goes To Hollywood - Two Tribes

I told you it was 80's tribute week. You might not like this song (you'd be wrong) but you can't argue that this is one of the greatest pop videos ever filmed...




If you're still here to read this tomorrow... leave a comment amid the fallout dust, will you?